Love's Melody Lost
by xlheslydesux
Summary: When the music deserted her, she lost her passion, her heart, and ultimately her soul. In a gothic setting of silences and secrets, a woman came to awaken her desire. (Adaptation) (AU)
1. Chapter 1

Hello guys! I would like to share this beautiful story to all of you. When I read this, I can't stop seeing Nanoha and Fate through the characters. This story is not mine and is an adaptation of a novel by Radclyffe.

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost **

**Chapter One**

Nanoha Takamachi drove with one hand holding a torn scrap of paper against the wheel. As she watched for road signs in the unfamiliar back roads of Cape Cod Bay, she tried to decipher her own scribbled writing. The early spring morning was unseasonably warm, and she had put the canvas top on the old Jeep down to enjoy the sun. The breeze that blew through her hair smelled of salt water, seaweed and ocean creatures. It was a welcome change from the heavy air and city smells she had grown used to over the years in Boston. As she followed the winding road that led ever closer to the sea, she mused over the strange turns her life had taken.

Somehow, much of the story seemed like someone else's to her now. Looking back on the last ten years of her life, Nanoha felt as if she had been sleepwalking through her days. When just out of college, she had married a man who shared the same values as she and who seemed to have the same vision for the future. Nanoha had a degree in botany that she couldn't use, so she worked part-time in a florist shop to help defer the cost of law school for Yuuno. Eventually, they accumulated all the material trappings of a successful young couple of the eighties, including a renovated brownstone in a gentrified area of the back bay, a new BMW for Yuuno, and a Jeep for Nanoha. Nanoha had financial security, the correct circle of literate female friends, and an adequate, if not particularly exciting, love life.

Yuuno was content and Nanoha was bored. As Yuuno worked longer and longer hours to keep pace with the other young attorneys in his firm, Nanoha found herself with less and less to do. They had a maid twice a week and every modern convenience available. Neither of them had been eager for children, so Nanoha couldn't even mingle comfortably with the women of their social set who spent much of their time on the Commons with their strollers and their offspring. The frequent obligatory office socials became more of a burden than a diversion, and she and her husband grew steadily apart.

She couldn't fault Yuuno, neither of them had really stopped to question the direction their life was taking but had merely followed the conventional path expected of them. It wasn't until they had been married for nine years that Nanoha began to wonder what she was doing in a life that left her feeling empty. Finally, they admitted that their marriage was in trouble, and they tried counseling. They found, in fact, that over the years they had both changed, and their goals were now very different. Divorce seemed the only reasonable solution. They were both a little confused as to how this had occurred, but their parting was amicable and fair. Nanoha refused alimony, and Yuuno arranged an equitable distribution of their property and assets.

So, at thirty-two, Nanoha had a used Jeep, a third floor walk-up in the student enclave near Boston University, and a microwave oven she rarely used. She was nearing the end of her first year of graduate school in landscape design, and the proceeds from her divorce settlement were nearly exhausted. She needed to find work, and she wasn't certain how she could manage a full-time job and complete graduate school as well. She scoured the newspapers for a part-time position, but none seemed to suit her schedule or her skills. She was beginning to despair when she came across an ad in the classifieds that seemed possible. "Live-in house manager needed. Must do some clerical work and drive. Salary and schedule negotiable."

She called the number listed and arranged an interview. Oddly, the interview was conducted by a senior attorney in one of Boston's most prestigious law firms. She discovered that the location was forty minutes outside of Boston and required little in the way of advanced secretarial skills. She had been assured she would have ample opportunity to arrange her duties around her class schedule. The job seemed perfect, and it was hers if she wanted it.

She accepted immediately, terminated her lease, and packed the essentials of her life. Everything fit comfortably in the rear of her Jeep. Now she was headed to Testarossa Manor, officially in the employ of one Fate Testarossa. Her employer, she had learned after insistent probing, was a former musician who lived in a secluded estate on the coast. Gil Graham, the attorney who interviewed her, had been reluctant to provide much in the way of details, and Nanoha's curiosity had been piqued. Despite the mystery surrounding her destination, Nanoha was elated. She had a job, and her life was headed in a direction of her own choosing.

Nanoha eventually turned onto a tree-lined lane that led to a large old Victorian edifice. It stood alone on a bluff above the sea. The circular drive was cracked in places with clumps of vegetation attempting to displace the offending concrete. The house also showed signs of disrepair. Shutters hung askew, paint curled from the wood surfaces, and several windows on the upper stories were boarded over. She frowned at the overgrown formal gardens that clearly had not been tended in years. There was an air of sadness reflected in the decline of this once beautiful estate, and Nanoha felt herself immediately drawn to the place. It was as if it were a living presence in need of care. She pulled to a stop before the grand staircase which led to a wide verandah. She approached the pair of heavy ornate oak doors with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. She took a deep breath as she rang the bell.

Slowly, the doors creaked open and a turquoise-haired woman peered up at her.

"Yes?" The woman inquired uncertainly.

"I'm Nanoha Takamachi. I was hired by Mr. Graham as a housekeeper."

The woman's face broke into a thousand tiny lines as she smiled and extended her hand.

"I am Lindy Harlaown, and _I_, my dear, am the housekeeper! _You_ are here to manage our household affairs, and I am so glad you have arrived!"

Nanoha grasped her hand automatically, her mind in turmoil.

"But, Mr. Graham indicated"

Lindy pulled her inside, saying,

"I'm sure that Mr. Graham explained things as he knew them, but Fate is not very good at keeping the poor man informed. What we need, my dear, is someone to oversee the property as well as to manage Fate's personal affairs. Fate will explain it all to you later. Come with me now! Let me show you to your rooms."

Nanoha hung back in confusion. What exactly was it she was supposed to do here? She had no experience in managing an estate, and from the brief glance she had had of Testarossa Manor, it was definitely in need of managing! Still, she instinctively liked the spry elderly woman who hurried down the long hall to a wide central staircase, and the house captured her immediately. Even in its current state of neglect, it was magnificent. As she followed the housekeeper through the dark mahogany-paneled hall, she caught glimpses of the adjoining rooms through partially-opened doors. Thick imported carpets, brocade-covered sofas and ornate, carved tables graced the high-ceilinged rooms. Testarossa Manor managed to project an air of elegance even in its present state.

"Perhaps I should speak with Ms. Testarossa first,"

Nanoha suggested, as Lindy stopped before a door on the second floor.

"There might be a problem. I'm not sure I'm going to be suitable for the job."

Lindy turned toward her with a strangely quiet, penetrating gaze.

"Fate will meet with you at tea this afternoon. The two of you can straighten all of this out then. Now, come, my dear, and let me get you settled."

Nanoha realized that she had no choice but to wait. The room Lindy led her into was bright and airy, and the wide windows captured her attention immediately. They faced the heart of the estate - two hundred yards of terraced gardens which gave way to a tangle of wild brush growing up to the edge of a rocky bluff. A tiered stone wall rimmed the edge of the cliff, which fell a hundred feet down into the pounding surf. Beyond that was only the blue of sky and water. The view was breathtaking.

Nanoha could just make out the garden paths, now narrowed and overrun by the steady encroachment of natural flora untended for years. Here and there stone benches were still visible under the trees, marking the spots which had once provided strollers a place to rest and enjoy the surrounding beauty. To the rear left was a wide flagstone terrace, ringed by a stone balustrade which supported dozens of climbing rose bushes, desperately in need of pruning and cultivation. Beyond that stretched the formal rose gardens, clearly the showpiece of the estate when they had been at their height. Now all she surveyed lay in ruins, a sad reminder of what had been, like a faded photograph of a time long gone. She was amazed to find her throat tighten around sudden tears - she was so moved by the decline of this once proud manor. It was such a waste, when all it needed was care. She shrugged her melancholy aside; she had her own life to worry about resurrecting. She turned back to the room she was hopefully going to inhabit.

"Oh!"

Nanoha exclaimed, observing the room. She was delighted to see a high canopied bed, a lovely antique dresser and matching table. The interior of the house, clearly Lindy's domain, had been lovingly maintained. The neglected state of the exterior and grounds was clearly not from lack of funds. From what she had seen so far, most of the furnishings appeared to be priceless estate pieces. She felt like she had stepped back in time, and the other worldliness of her surroundings appealed to her. Her life was in transition; she herself was transforming into a person of her own choosing. It seemed fitting that her new life should begin in a place so different from her past.

"It's all so beautiful!" she exclaimed, unable to hide her excitement.

"Isn't it though?" Lindy looked up from where she was busily turning down the covers on the bed. "I've always loved the view from here. My rooms face that way, too. I've come to know the look of the sea in every season."

"Have you been here long?"

"Oh, goodness, yes. My family has been employed by the Testarossa's for forty years. I wasn't yet twenty when my husband and I came. This was just the summer house then, of course. We spent most of our time at the Philadelphia home. It's only since well, I've been here for the last fourteen years."

"And Ms. Testarossa lives here year round as well?"

Lindy hesitated once again, then merely responded,

"Yes."

Nanoha was eager for any information that would clarify the strange circumstances of her new job, but was reluctant to pry. The little housekeeper seemed just as reluctant to discuss the issue of Nanoha's employment.

"What's in here?" Nanoha called, pointing to a door opposite the large bed.

"Your sitting rooms and bath." Lindy pushed the door open, revealing a large room with a stone fireplace. French doors led out to a balcony, and several comfortable chairs and tables formed a sitting area before the hearth. A modern bath adjoined the room.

"It's wonderful!" Nanoha exclaimed. "I never expected anything like this!"

She tried to temper her enthusiasm, reminding herself she might not be staying. She realized how much she had been counting on this position, and how comfortable she already felt.

"Are your rooms like this?" she asked, trying to disguise her worry. _What am I going to do if I have to leave?_

"The very same," Lindy exclaimed. "Now, I'll leave you to get settled. You'll have to bring your own bags up, though. I'm afraid there's no butler! Tea will be at four in the library. I'll come to take you down then."

"I really should wait to unpack until I speak with Ms. Testarossa. I might not be staying."

"Posh," Lindy replied, giving Nanoha a quick hug. "Of course you'll be staying!"

Nanoha hoped that Fate Testarossa agreed.

* * *

**A/N:** Hi guys thanks for reading… I did this adaptation to give myself time to continue writing my story (in other words to distract you from the fact that I haven't updated it for 7 months!). I would like to say sorry to all the followers of my story **"The Forgotten Sky"**, I was just really busy but I will have extra time this week so I promise to update it... Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Two **

"Just make yourself comfortable in here, dear,"

Lindy said as she showed Nanoha into a large room filled with floor to ceiling bookcases and fine leather furniture. Lindy lit a fire in the huge stone fireplace. The evenings by the sea were cool despite the deceptive warmth of the waning afternoon sun.

"Fate will join you soon."

When Lindy left to prepare the tea, refusing all help from Nanoha, Nanoha examined her surroundings. An oil portrait above the fireplace caught her eye. Nanoha recognized the bluff below the Testarossa Manor. A lone figure stood on an outcropping of stone, one arm draped over a bent knee, commanding the vista of sea and sky. Long blond hair, wild and windblown, framed chiseled features and piercing burgundy eyes. A flowing black great coat was open to expose a ruffled white shirt, tailored trousers, and black boots. A pair of black leather gloves, clasped loosely in one hand, completed the picture of the lord of the manor. It was an image from another time, brooding and untamed. Nanoha was surprised to see by the date that it was done only fifteen years before. Nanoha imagined this was Ms. Testarossa, and she certainly appeared to be all that the master of such an estate should be. Aristocratic, handsome, and austere. She supposed she would soon discover that for herself.

Nanoha pulled a small footstool in front of one of the large chairs in the central seating area. She extended her legs toward the warmth and leaned back, watching the crackling fire, wondering if she wouldn't soon be headed back to Boston. She was nearly asleep when a deep voice behind her startled her from her reverie.

"Miss Takamachi?"

Nanoha turned, stifling a gasp of surprise as she found herself face to face with the figure in the portrait. Standing before her was one of the most striking women Nanoha had ever seen. Her portrait, however arresting, had not done her justice. She was quite tall, with thick blonde hair brushed back from an exquisitely sculpted face. Her eyes, perhaps her most compelling feature, were deep red, as the artist had depicted, and contrasted sharply with her pale, luminescent complexion. The oils however had not conveyed the intensity of her gaze, nor the glacial severity of her bearing. Nanoha tried not to flinch at the scar which marred the handsome face, running from just below her hairline across the broad forehead to one elegantly arched brow.

Nanoha stared, completely at a loss as the woman approached. The blond-haired woman leaned slightly on an ornate walking stick, but despite a slight limp, she was imposing in finely tailored black trousers and an open-collared white silk shirt. A gold ring with some sort of crest adorned the long fingered hand that she held out to Nanoha.

"I am Fate Testarossa," the woman stated simply. It was delivered in a tone that left no doubt as to whom was the master of Testarossa Manor.

Nanoha rose quickly, grasping the outstretched had. She was instantly struck by the delicacy of the fingers that held hers briefly. She cleared her throat, which felt suddenly dry, and answered,

"How do you do? I'm Nanoha Takamachi."

"Sit down, please,"

Fate said somewhat tersely, turning toward the chair facing Nanoha's. Nanoha, still a little stunned, was about to sit when she heard Lindy at the door.

"Fate! Be careful!" Lindy cried.

Even as Lindy called a warning, Fate stumbled over the small footstool in her path and lost her balance. She reached out, struggling not to fall. Instinctively, Nanoha grasped her about the waist, surprised at the willowy strength in Fate's reed-slender form. Nanoha steadied the taller woman against her, aware of the rapid pounding of Fate's heart.

"Are you all right?"

Nanoha cried in alarm. She could feel her shaking.

Fate pulled away sharply, her dark eyes furious, her body rigid with tension. She steadied herself, her hand nearly white as she clenched her walking stick.

"Lindy! How did that footstool get there?" Fate demanded angrily.

"It was my fault. I moved it," Nanoha said quickly, alarmed more by her employers' physical distress than her anger. The woman was still trembling, though she was trying hard to hide it.

"I'm sorry." She looked from Lindy to Fate in confusion.

Fate drew a shaky breath, struggling for composure. Suddenly, with horrifying clarity, Nanoha realized that Fate Testarossa was blind. That realization brought a flood of sympathy, and she said without thinking,

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. I didn't know!"

"How could you know,"

Fate rejoined roughly, reaching behind her with one hand to find the armchair. She lowered herself slowly, her expression betraying none of her discomfiture. She would not be humiliated further by enduring empty condolences.

"There is no need to dwell on it. Be seated."

Lindy came quickly to her side, watching Fate with concern. She extended a hand as if to touch her, then quickly drew back.

"I've put the tea in its usual place. Will you need anything else?"

"No. Leave us."

As Lindy stepped away, Fate held up her hand, her voice softening.

"It's fine, Lindy. You needn't worry. On second thought, could you bring us some sherry?"

As she spoke, Nanoha could see her host relax with effort against the cushions. Her face lost its edge as well, reflecting the sudden gentleness of her tone. Nanoha found her expressive features captivating as well as quite beautiful.

Lindy smiled tenderly. "I'll get it right away."

They sat in silence as Lindy brought glasses and poured the sherry. She handed Nanoha a glass and left Fate's on the small table near her right hand. The silence continued for a few moments after the housekeeper pulled the heavy library doors closed behind her. When Fate reached for the glass and raised it to her lips, her hand was steady again.

"Forgive me," she began in her deep mellifluous voice, "I haven't asked if your accommodations are suitable."

"The rooms are wonderful," Nanoha replied "The view of the sea is exquisite."

Instantly she regretted her remark, but Fate merely nodded, a distant look on her face.

"I know. I always stayed in that room when I was a child."

Nanoha willed herself to be calm, and tasted the sherry. It felt warm and comforting as she swallowed. She couldn't stop staring at the woman across from her. Her mere physical presence was imposing - defined less by gender than by the pure elements of beauty and elegance, much as a classical sculpture is often androgynous at first glance. She was aristocratic, her every movement refined. She was scrupulously polite, and obviously used to being in charge. She was aloof, remote, unapproachable. She was more than a little intimidating!

"Did Mr. Graham explain what your duties are to be?" Fate continued, unaware of Nanoha's discomfort.

"Not in detail. I'm afraid I may not be what you're looking for. I have no experience managing a household."

"Really?" Fate remarked dryly, raising an eyebrow. "Mr. Graham led me to believe that you had been married and now live independently. That sounds as if you have managed at least two."

Nanoha laughed. "Neither was much of a challenge. Can you tell me what it is that you require?"

Fate sighed slightly, turning toward the fire. In profile signs of fatigue lined her face, and Nanoha caught glimpses of gray streaking her blond hair. Nanoha guessed her to be ten years her senior, but despite her commanding tone and rigid control, Nanoha sensed a weariness that had nothing to do with the years.

"I need assistance with handling correspondence, reviewing accounts, running the day-to-day affairs of the estate. Lindy cannot handle all of this any longer, and I cannot do it alone. I have never had anyone else do it, and I don't want Lindy to think that I've lost confidence in her. It has simply become too much. You would also have to do some rather menial chores, I'm afraid. Lindy no longer drives, and it is difficult getting deliveries out here."

She stopped, making an impatient gesture with one graceful hand.

"We need someone at Testarossa Manor, it seems, who can manage in the world beyond our gates."

Her tone was bitter, and Nanoha could only imagine how hard it must be for a woman of such obvious independence to admit she needed a stranger to assist her.

"Ms. Testarossa" she began.

"Please, call me Fate," Fate interrupted, "otherwise I will feel truly a relic."

She smiled slightly, and Nanoha caught a fleeting glimpse of her haunting beauty. When she allowed her feelings expression, she was even more intriguing.

"Fate, I am in something of a desperate situation myself. I want to continue in graduate school full-time. Without this job, I won't be able to afford to do that not and keep a roof over my head, too. I'm afraid I'll need some help, but I would like to try this very much."

She meant every word, and her sincerity showed in her voice. She didn't add how drawn she was to Testarossa Manor the moment she saw it, or how right it felt to be here. She couldn't admit even to herself how much the woman before her captured her imagination, and her curiosity. She very much wanted to learn more of Testarossa Manor, and its compelling master.

Fate ran a hand through her hair, leaving it tousled, and sighed again.

"It seems we are both in need of some assistance, then. Shall we agree to try it for a month or two?"

Nanoha smiled in relief. "I'd like that very much."

Fate rose, crossing to the door with deliberate steps.

"I'll send for you when I need you. Good evening."

With that she was gone, her footsteps echoing in the quiet house. Nanoha glanced up at the portrait, wishing it could tell her who Fate Testarossa was.

* * *

**A/N:** How was Chapter 2?... This story is quite long so I will try and update everyday to finish it in a month. Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Three **

Nanoha awoke very early the next day, as much from excitement as from the strangeness of a new house. It would take a little time to get used to the night noises of the old structure, the rhythmic pounding of the surf, and the absence of city traffic below her window. The quiet seclusion of Testarossa Manor had truly transported her to a new world. After Lindy retired to her rooms the previous evening, Nanoha stayed up reading in her sitting room. She must have dozed for it was quite late when she was startled awake by a noise outside in the hall. She listened intently for a few moments, thinking she heard footsteps pause before her door. But then there was only the gentle creak of the shutters in the wind. Smiling to herself, she got ready for bed. As she lay awake, waiting for sleep to come, she mused over her first meeting with her new employer. Rarely had anyone caught her attention quite so dramatically. Fate Testarossa was impossible to describe in ordinary terms. Nanoha was quite sure she had never met anyone like her. As she drifted off to sleep, the image of the blond-haired aristocrat lingered in her mind.

Shaking herself to dispel the last vestiges of sleep, Nanoha pushed back the heavy comforter and reached for a tee shirt. She moved quickly across the chilly room to the window, anxious for her first glimpse of Testarossa Manor in the morning. Looking down across the lawns, she was surprised to see a figure at the edge of the bluff, facing out toward the ocean. She recognized instantly the tall, slender figure of Fate Testarossa. As the sun rose, it struck her face, outlining her chiseled profile in stark relief against the sky. Standing so still, her hair windblown, one hand clasping the ebony walking stick, she appeared hauntingly alone.

As Fate began to make her way carefully up the steep slope to the house, Nanoha stepped back from the window. She didn't want her employer to see her watching. Almost instantaneously she remembered that Fate could not see her. The fact of Fate's blindness saddened her deeply. She wondered why that should be, since she scarcely knew her. Perhaps it was the poorly concealed pain in her voice or the fierce pride beneath the tightly controlled surface. But more than that, Nanoha was moved by Fate's apparent isolation from the world. To Nanoha, that was the greatest tragedy of all. Nanoha experienced life as a feast for all the senses. It was that love of life that drew her to the miracle of growing things and motivated her desire to design living spaces where people could exist in harmony with nature. The environment was the canvas of Nanoha's dreams. It troubled her unaccountably to think that Fate Testarossa had withdrawn from that. Nanoha looked down into the ruins of the Testarossa estate, imagining the beauty that once existed there, and she longed to know it as it had once been flowering with new growth, rich with the pageantry of life.

She turned to dress with a sigh, reminding herself that the reasons this solitary woman chose to live secluded here by the sea were no concern of hers. What did concern her was that she had work to do, although exactly what that work was to be, she wasn't quite certain she yet understood.

When she entered the kitchen, she found Lindy busy baking. The clock over the large oven showed the time as 6:20.

"My goodness," Nanoha exclaimed, "what time did you get up?"

Lindy smiled up at her as she placed biscuits on a tray to cool.

"Five o'clock. I can't seem to sleep late, no matter what! Old habits die hard, I guess. When all of the family was about, I'd have breakfast ready and the table in the dining room set by now. Mr. Testarossa was a banker, and he always worked here after breakfast for a few hours before he left for town. He said he couldn't work without my breakfast. Clyde, that was my husband, was the general caretaker. He managed the grounds and oversaw most of the staff. He's been gone almost twenty years. My son worked here too before he went off to college. He's a doctor now. Lives in California. Even though everyone is gone, I still stick to my old routines."

She pushed wisps of turquoise hair back from her face and straightened her apron.

"How did you sleep?"

"Wonderfully,"

Nanoha said, eyeing the biscuits appreciatively. She realized she was starving. Lindy caught her look and laughed.

"Have one. I'll have the rest ready in a minute. I was just taking a tray to Fate."

"Oh, won't she be joining us?" Nanoha asked, strangely disappointed.

"She's in the music room. She takes all her meals in there,"

Lindy informed her, a fleeting expression of concern crossing her face.

"She's been up for hours, I imagine. I'm not sure when she sleeps."

"How did she lose her sight?" Nanoha dared ask.

Undisguised pain crossed the older woman's features fleetingly.

"A car accident."

She looked as if she might say more, but then quickly busied herself at the stove again. Nanoha regarded her silently. Lindy obviously cared for Fate a great deal. Nanoha wished there were some way to ask Lindy more about her solitary employer, but she knew instinctively that Lindy would never discuss anything of Fate's personal life with her. It was clear that Lindy guarded Fate's privacy as carefully as did the woman herself.

After a sumptuous meal of biscuits, eggs and country ham, Nanoha insisted on helping Lindy straighten the kitchen. As they worked, she said,

"You'll have to give me some idea of how I can help, Lindy. I want to be useful."

Lindy nodded.

"I know this all must seem strange for you. Fate told me that you were a student and would need time for your studies. I've made a list of things we need, but it shouldn't take too much time."

Nanoha laughed and said she was sure she could manage. She was touched that both Lindy and Fate were concerned about her needs. While she had been married, Yuuno had acted as if it were a great inconvenience whenever she needed time for herself. She reminded herself that all that was in the past.

"Let me see the list."

* * *

It was only 10 A.M. when Nanoha returned and began unloading the Jeep. It was a clear April morning, the air crisp and fresh. She felt wonderful and hummed as she climbed the steps to the kitchen. She called as she went,

"Hello! Lindy, I'm back!"

She was surprised when Fate pushed the door open. She was wearing an immaculately tailored pale broadcloth shirt tucked into loose-fitting gray gabardine trousers, somehow managing to look casual and elegant at the same time. Nanoha recognized the understated quality of her attire, the fit so perfect she must have all her clothing made for her. Despite her informal dress, Fate was the image of sophistication.

"Hello," Nanoha called softly, wondering why this woman made her feel so shy.

"Good morning," Fate replied, sliding the door back while Nanoha carried a bag of groceries to the counter. Fate stood listening for a moment, then to Nanoha's surprise said,

"Let me help you."

Nanoha started to protest, and then stopped herself. She had gleaned from their brief meeting how critical Fate's independence was to her. Any suggestion that maneuvering the steps with packages in her arms might be dangerous would certainly provoke that formidable temper.

"Of course. My Jeep is parked just to the right of the steps. The tailgate is down."

Fate nodded and started down the stairs. Nanoha watched her, noting that her slight limp was hardly noticeable this morning. Fate moved cautiously but confidently forward, her left hand lightly trailing along the side of the vehicle. When she reached the rear, she looked upward at Nanoha, who was still standing on the porch.

"Since you're here, why don't you hand me something to carry in?"

"Of course,"

Nanoha said, blushing as she realized she had been staring. Why did it seem like Fate knew that? She hurried to pull a box from the Jeep. She handed it to Fate, who cradled it against her chest. Nanoha didn't move until she saw Fate up the steps safely and through the door. Then she grabbed up the last of the bags and rushed inside. She found Fate emptying the box onto the long counter top. Now and then Fate would turn an object over and over in her hands, her long fingers exploring the shape. Nanoha was fascinated by the delicate movement and caught herself once again staring at her enigmatic employer.

"Olive oil,"

Nanoha said when Fate frowned over the bottle in her hands.

"I think I buy that brand because I love the shape of the bottle."

Fate nodded, caressing the curves of glass, committing the shape to memory.

"Sensuous, isn't it?"

She remarked quietly, as if speaking aloud without realizing it. Nanoha blushed for no reason she could understand.

"I never thought of it that way, but you're right."

Fate set the heavy bottle down abruptly and straightened her back, her face suddenly remote.

"When you're done here, I'd like you to join me in my study. It's the last room on the right."

"I'll be there in a minute,"

Nanoha replied as Fate quickly left the room. She sorted the rest of the parcels, then poured a cup of coffee from the pot Lindy had left steeping on the stove. As she headed down the hall, she tried not to think about the fact that it wasn't the bottle she had found so sensuous, but the intimate way those graceful hands had held it.

* * *

**A/N:** And here is Chapter 3… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Four**

Her attention was immediately drawn to a magnificent grand piano that stood before double French doors. The doors were open to an enormous flagstone patio. It was the same terrace overlooking the long slope to the sea cliffs which Nanoha had first seen from her bedroom windows. Opposite the piano was another fireplace with a comfortable appearing sitting area. Fate's breakfast tray lay on a small table before several large leather chairs. Fate sat at a large walnut desk, stacks of papers and envelopes piled before her. Sunlight streamed into the room, highlighting the angular planes of her face.

"What a lovely room," Nanoha exclaimed.

Fate raised her head, a slight smile softening her features.

"Isn't it? Soon, the roses at the edge of the terrace will nearly obscure the view."

Nanoha glanced at her in surprise before remembering that Fate hadn't always been blind.

"How sad," she thought, never to see the roses bloom again.

Perhaps it was the appreciation she heard in Fate's voice, or the sight of the rose bed Fate alluded to nearly obliterated by wild growth, that prompted her to speak impulsively.

"You know," she began hesitantly, "the grounds are badly in need of attention. All the gardens are overgrown- many of the paths are nearly obliterated. They are literally choking to death. The house is suffering from weathering and could use repair, too."

Fate's face was remote.

"I hadn't realized. We haven't had a gardener here in years,"

She added absently, unwillingly remembering Testarossa Manor in another life. She forced her thoughts back to the present.

"Perhaps you could look into it. Make any arrangements you think necessary."

Nanoha adopted her employers' formal tone, afraid that she had given offense.

"I will, thank you. I'll keep you informed, of course."

Fate waved her hand dismissively, her mind clearly elsewhere.

"I thought we might go through some of this correspondence. It's been neglected for months."

Nanoha took a seat beside the desk, availing herself of the opportunity to study her employer. Close to her now in the light of day, she could see the fine lines around her eyes, and the abundant gray streaking her blond hair. The scar on her forehead scarcely detracted from the symmetrical arch of her full brows, the high cheekbones or the strong chin. Her lips were soft and full, in striking contrast to the stark planes of her face. Her eyes were dark red and clear, and although Nanoha knew them to be sightless, the gaze which fell upon her was penetrating nevertheless.

"Why don't we begin with these," Fate said,

Indicating a stack of unopened envelopes by her left hand.

"If you could read them to me, I'll tell you which ones need a reply. There's a tape recorder there for you to make notes."

For the next hour they sorted mail into piles, some to be discarded, some to be forwarded to Fate's attorney, and some that needed Fate's personal attention. Nanoha was surprised at the scope of Fate's financial involvements, and a little overwhelmed.

"You know, some of this is quite beyond me," she said at length. "You need more than someone who can barely balance her own checkbook."

Fate stretched her long legs out and shrugged, apparently unconcerned.

"Never mind. You'll learn."

She stood and walked to the open doors. She leaned into the breeze, her hands in the pockets of her trousers. Nanoha observed her with interest, trying to imagine how one experienced a world one couldn't see.

"It's nearly one o'clock, isn't it?"

Nanoha glanced at her watch. "A few minutes before."

Fate nodded, crossing to the long buffet on the opposite side of the room. She reached into a small refrigerator enclosed within and withdrew a bottle.

"Would you like some champagne? It seems a reward for our efforts would be appropriate."

Nanoha smiled. "I'd love some."

Nanoha watched intently as Fate confidently set two crystal glasses on a silver tray, opened the bottle, and placed it carefully in an ice bucket. Turning to Nanoha, she held out the engraved silver tray.

"If you could take this, we can sit on the terrace. If you don't mind the slight chill to the air," Fate added, raising a questioning eyebrow.

Reaching for the tray Nanoha smiled.

"I'd rather be outside no matter what the temperature."

She followed Fate across the flagstone terrace to a round wrought-iron table near the ornate open stone balustrade. The sea breeze blew up from the ocean, ruffling Fate's hair. Fate faced the water, a slight frown on her face.

"Are you quite sure you're not cold?"

"I'm wearing a sweater," Nanoha replied softly,

Moved by Fate's thoughtfulness. Fate herself was more exposed in her thin silk shirt.

"Can I get you something warmer?"

Fate took a seat next to the glass-topped table and shook her head.

"It doesn't seem to bother me."

Fate slid her hand across the table to the tray, deftly found the glasses, and expertly poured their champagne.

"Thank you," Nanoha said,

Accepting the glass. Fate nodded slightly in response, and together they turned toward the sea. Silently they basked in the spring sun, not quite warm yet, but full of promise. Nanoha found herself surprisingly content in the presence of her austere employer. Despite her reserve, Fate displayed moments of warmth and quick humor that were quite engaging.

"Fate," Nanoha began at last, "I'd like to see what I can do with the gardens. There is so much beauty here, and it needs care. I'd enjoy doing it myself."

Fate's expression was guarded.

"Gil Graham told me that you are a landscaper. Tell me about it."

Nanoha sketched her history for Fate, passing quickly over her marriage to describe the last year of her life. She explained her classes and found herself revealing her hopes of some day having her own business.

"You mean to be more than a gardener, then," Fate commented seriously.

Nanoha laughed. "I love the physical work, but I also want to be involved in the actual design."

"You'll need help with Testarossa Manor. There was a time when we employed two gardeners here full-time."

Nanoha nodded. "And you'll need to hire someone again. But I can handle the formal gardens myself."

"But if I understood you correctly, you have your own work to do!" Fate protested. "My work alone, never mind Lindy's needs, will keep you busy enough! It would seem that undertaking to save Testarossa Manor too would be quite a task." Although her tone was lightly mocking, her face was quite serious.

Nanoha was strangely touched that Fate gave any thought to Nanoha's work, let alone considered it important. What a surprise this woman was!

"I don't need to go to school this summer in fact; I can really use the break. And, besides, working here at Testarossa Manor will give me a chance to practice some of my ideas. There's so much that needs to be done. I promise, if I can't handle it, I'll be the first to say so!"

Fate spoke softly, her voice dreamlike.

"You can't imagine how lovely Testarossa Manor was in the spring. There were blossoms everywhere, new life seeking the sun. I would walk for hours through the gardens, just looking at the colors. The interplay of the different hues in the sunlight was like a symphony for the eyes. I couldn't wait to get here out of the city, away from the crowds. After a long tour we - "

She stopped abruptly, a quicksilver flash of pain passing across her face. The hand that held the fine crystal flute tightened. Nanoha feared for a moment Fate would break it in her hand.

Nanoha tried to imagine what it would be like to know she would never see another spring. Saddened, she felt an uncommon tenderness for this woman who had lost so much. Impulsively, she said,

"You'll know when the roses bloom you'll be able to smell the blossoms in the air."

"Yes."

Fate saw no reason to explain that she rarely walked about during the day. At night, in the dark, it didn't matter that she couldn't see. She would not have to imagine what she was missing in the sunlight. Impatiently she shook her head. She thought she was long past such regrets.

"Do what you like. If you find that you need help, hire someone. I've arranged a household account at the bank in your name."

"Oh, no! You hardly know me!"

"I know what I need to know."

Fate rose abruptly, suddenly anxious to be done with this conversation. She did not want to remember - any of it.

"I'd like to see you tomorrow at one o'clock. We can continue with the papers then."

Nanoha stared after her as Fate disappeared into the house. She wondered how Fate would spend her time until next they met. Each time she saw her, she was left with more questions and greater curiosity about her secretive host.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm gonna start writing the next chapter for my story **"The Forgotten Sky"** tomorrow, I think I'll be able to post it after a few days so wait just a little longer guys... Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Five**

Nanoha stretched her back, cramped from the long hours in one position. She surveyed her progress. Fate was right she was going to need help. Nevertheless, she was happy with the start she had made in the gardens below the terrace. In two weeks she had pruned back the rose bushes and bordering shrubs, and had rescued most of the perennials from the thick vines that had encroached upon them over the years. Since her mornings had quickly become filled with managing the affairs of the house, she worked mostly from mid afternoon until dusk. The Testarossa Manor household itself required little attention. Whatever needs Lindy had were easily accomplished on Nanoha's trips into the city for her classes. However, Fate owned property in both Boston and Philadelphia. Much of the financial matters were directed to the attorneys, but Nanoha found herself becoming quite adept at dealing with building managers, contractors, and accountants over the phone.

Several times a week, she assisted Fate with her business affairs, a task she had come to enjoy. From their afternoon meetings, Nanoha was slowly gaining an impression of Fate's many dimensions, despite her carefully guarded exterior. Nanoha found her to be impatiently dismissive of any and all financial matters, despite the fact that she was clearly wealthy. If engaged in quiet conversation she was attentive, gracious and altogether charming. However, when forced to confront the affairs of the estate she made decisions quickly, occasionally displayed flashes of temper when annoyed, and seemed altogether uninterested in the practical issues that occupied most people. Whatever captured Fate's mind when she suddenly fell quiet, her attention clearly eclipsed by some internal voice, Nanoha sensed it had nothing to do with the world she herself was familiar with.

Despite the fact that they spent several hours together nearly every day, Nanoha knew so little of her. Fate easily drew Nanoha into discussions of her life, but she never spoke of her own past. Nanoha became more and more intrigued as the days passed. She wondered what thoughts, and more importantly, what feelings, lay hidden beneath the silent unreadable features.

Nanoha sighed and tossed her trowel into the toolbox. Despite her fatigue, the hard physical labor satisfied her. Her days were full, and she was coming to view Testarossa Manor as her home. She looked forward to breakfast and dinner with Lindy, only wishing that Fate would join them. Each evening, Lindy took a tray to the music room before serving their own meal. After Nanoha and she cleaned up together, Nanoha retired to her rooms, often falling asleep before the fireplace. She never saw Fate in the evening, and she came to realize that she missed her formidable presence.

She carried her tools around to the gardeners shed in the rear of the property. As she passed by the terrace, she noticed that the doors to Fate's music room stood open. The lace curtains wafted out on the late afternoon breeze. Glancing in, Nanoha was surprised to see Fate seated at the piano. It was the first time she had ever seen her playing. The notes of a haunting melody reached her easily soft, and gently flowing, but so incredibly sad! Without thinking, she drew nearer, captured by the beautiful music. Standing before the open doors, she watched Fate as she played. This was a Fate she had never seen. Her eyes were nearly closed, and as her body moved commandingly over the keys, her face reflected the essence of the music. She was lost in the melancholy notes, critically alone. Nanoha's throat constricted as she watched and listened, knowing with certainty that at that moment, Fate Testarossa and her music were one. She remained unmoving until Fate finished, then stepped softly away. The image of Fate, staring sightlessly down at her hands on the silent ivory keys, remained etched indelibly in her mind.

"Fate asked that you join her in the music room when you're free," Lindy called to her as she passed through the kitchen.

"Yes, thanks," Nanoha replied absently

Still disquieted by the scene she had just witnessed, unable to say exactly why. She showered quickly and was soon knocking on the closed doors of Fate's study.

"We need to deal with some of the personal correspondence," Fate said perfunctorily when Nanoha joined her. "We have been getting too many calls lately."

"Certainly," Nanoha answered

Instantly aware by Fate's tone that she was disturbed about something. She wished she could ask her what troubled her, but Fate's unapproachable demeanor prevented even that simple inquiry. Ignoring her disquiet, she crossed to her usual seat at the desk and began to peruse the letters Fate had obviously ignored for months. Nanoha was amazed at the scope of the solicitations. She began to read aloud at random, for all the letters were similar in theme.

"These two conservatories have written several times in the last two years requesting that you teach a masters class," Nanoha informed Fate

Who had begun pacing soon after Nanoha began reading messages to her. Nanoha had never seen her so agitated before.

"Tell them no," Fate replied curtly, her face grim.

"There are a number of inquiries regarding your concert availability," Nanoha said quietly

Subdued by the well-known companies seeking to engage Fate as a guest performer.

"Throw them away," Fate said flatly.

She stood with her back to Nanoha in the open terrace doorway, and the hand she rested against the frame was clenched.

"There's a graduate student at Juilliard – she's written and called several times. She says she's writing her doctoral thesis on your early works-" Nanoha faltered as Fate caught her breath sharply. "She would like to arrange a meeting with you, and perhaps discuss your current-"

Nanoha was stunned to silence as Fate whirled toward her, her face furious.

"I _don't_ perform, I _don't_ compose, and I don't give goddamned _interviews. _Go through whatever's there and deal with it! I don't want to hear anything more about it!"

Nanoha stared as Fate searched for her walking stick with a trembling hand. She had never seen Fate misplace anything in her surroundings before. It was heart wrenching to see her falter uncertainly as she tried to orient herself.

"It's against your chair," Nanoha said quietly.

She looked away, giving Fate time to compose herself. She knew Fate could not see her, but it seemed wrong somehow to watch her private struggles.

"Fate-"

She ventured tentatively, not wanting to add to Fate's obvious distress.

"These things look important- I can't just throw them away. I don't think I can answer them without your help."

Fate paused at the door, her back to Nanoha, rigid with her struggle for control.

"I've given you my answer to all of them - no. Word it any way you want, but handle them yourself in the future. That's what I'm paying you for. Don't bring them up to me again."

Nanoha risked Fate's ire with one last attempt.

"If you could just give me some idea-

"Enough Nanoha,"

Fate said wearily as she pushed open the heavy door to the hall.

"It's done."

Nanoha was more than curious; she was shocked, both by what she had read as well as by Fate's reactions. She had very little exposure to formal music, but even she could appreciate from the nature of the requests that Fate was no ordinary musician. The magnitude of Fate's response was even more bewildering. Nanoha wanted very much to understand what had just happened, but she could not ask Fate. Nanoha knew Fate well enough by now to know she would never discuss something so obviously personal, let alone something that caused her such anguish. Her pain was clearly evident, but Nanoha sensed that Fate would never admit to it. It was the nearly palpable intensity of that pain more than anything else that propelled her from the room in search of Lindy. She found her sewing in the library.

"We need to talk Lindy," Nanoha said gravely as she joined the older woman in the seating area.

Lindy regarded her first with surprise, then, at the sight of Nanoha's distress, with apprehension.

"What is it?"

"It's Fate," Nanoha replied. "Tell me who she is."

"Oh my goodness!" Lindy pronounced, "That would be quite a task! I've known Fate since she was just a baby. Mrs. Testarossa died when Fate was only three, and I guess I became the closest thing she ever had to a mother. Lord forgive me, but I think I love her more than my own flesh and blood. I wouldn't know where to begin!"

Nanoha was beginning to expect Lindy's evasions whenever Fate was the subject, but she was too shaken by the strange scene with Fate to accept more non-answers. It was enough that Fate shut her out with her unimpeachable graciousness and impenetrable emotional barriers.

"Start with these!" Nanoha demanded, holding up a fistful of envelopes. "Carnegie Institute, Paris Conservatory, London Philharmonic - and a dozen others. You should have seen what these did to her! She's suffering, and you _know_ she won't admit that, let alone explain it. I'm supposed to be here to assist her. I can't be of any help to her if _both_ of you keep me in the dark!"

Lindy regarded her solemnly, a lifetime of guarding Fate's privacy warring with her concern for Fate's well-being. In the end she finally conceded that Fate needed someone's help, and Nanoha cared enough to ask. She decided the time had come for one of them to trust someone. She set her sewing carefully aside and crossed to the library shelves. She took down several heavy leather bound books and handed them to Nanoha.

"I think this is what you're asking about."

Nanoha opened the cover of the first volume to find press clippings, articles, and reviews, all of them about Fate. The earliest dated back over thirty years. With an increasing sense of wonder, she studied the chronicle of Fate's life.

Fate Testarossa had first come to the attention of the music world when she was only six years old. By then she had studied the piano for three years. The young music teacher her father first employed soon recognized that the headstrong young child was advancing far too rapidly for normal instruction. An interview was arranged with a famous instructor at the Curtis Institute, who accepted the little girl as a pupil. By six she was giving recitals, by her teens she had appeared as a guest soloist with a number of internationally renowned orchestras, and by twenty she had won not only the Tschaikovsky competition, but every prestigious music competition on every continent. Not only had she been lauded for her innovative interpretations of classical works, but for her own compositions as well. Her talent seemingly knew no bounds.

The decade of her twenties was a time of intense international touring and performances. The London Times, the Paris Review, the Tokyo press and dozens of others celebrated her as the next heir to Rubenstein and Horowitz. There didn't seem to be enough superlatives to describe her. Seemingly she had not yet reached her peak when the coverage simply stopped. Nanoha was left with a void, staring at empty pages, desperately seeking some further glimpse of the great pianist all the world had welcomed.

"My god, Lindy," she murmured

Closing the books gently, swallowing the urge to cry. Laying them aside, she met Lindy's questioning gaze. Just as she knew Lindy was waiting for her to comment, she knew that her response would determine what else Lindy might share. In the end, all she could do was speak from her heart.

"She's really quite special, isn't she?"

Lindy smiled softly.

"It's strange that you should say that - I always thought of her that way - special. People who didn't know her thought her genius came easily. I knew that whatever she was born with, the music she made came from her hearts blood. When she was working, you couldn't drag her away from the piano. For days and nights unend shed go without sleeping – I'd practically have to force myself into the room with a tray of food. She'd be pacing or playing struggling with some refrain. When she'd finally come outstarving, she'd say, - she would look so happy! I knew she loved it; you could feel her excitement when she had gotten it just right!"

Lindy paused, searching for words to portray a personality that by its very uniqueness defied simple description. The icon the world had worshipped was merely the public image of the complex, complicated, and all too human woman Lindy had known.

"She's been called so many things. A gifted child prodigy they said when she was six, a remarkable composer they said when she was twenty, and at thirty they called her a master. Some things they said aren't written down in those articles. There were those who called her arrogant, temperamental, an egotistical perfectionist. All those things were true, but she was so much more to those who knew her! Whatever she demanded of others, she demanded ten times that from herself. She put all of herself into everything she did, and expected the same from others. She was the force that drove all of us, and in return she gave us beauty beyond belief. We made allowances I suppose, for her temper and her arrogance. She was never cruel or malicious, simply so intense, so consumed by her music! She was the light of our lives!"

Nanoha sat quietly, trying to imagine Fate like that, wishing she had known her. When she thought of the tormented, anguished woman who would not even hear of the world she had once ruled, Nanoha's heart ached. Where was that imperious virtuoso now?

"What happened to her Lindy?"

"The accident changed everything,"

Lindy said with a finality that warned Nanoha not to probe for details.

"Lindy," Nanoha began tentatively, "I heard Fate playing today it was so beautiful! Why doesn't she perform any longer?"

Lindy shook her head.

"She won't play for anyone anymore. Hasn't since the accident. She was in the hospital for months. When she was finally released, she came immediately to Testarossa Manor. She's lived here since then. Her father was alive back then, of course it's been over ten years. He stayed on at the main house in Philadelphia, and I came here to be with Fate. He visited, but I knew it was hard for him to see her so changed. At first friends would call, and so many important people from the music world, but she wouldn't see them. For months she barely spoke, or left her room. After a while, she began to go outside, mostly at night. She wouldn't let me help her. She's always been so stubborn, even as a little girl!" Lindy smiled at some memory. "It broke my heart to see her stumble. Sometimes she fell, and it was all I could do not to run out to her. But, oh! Such pride-! I knew it would hurt her more if she knew I could see her like that."

It was physically painful for Nanoha to imagine what Fate had suffered, or the extent of her loss. Neither could she imagine that the stubborn independent woman she was coming to know would simply give up.

"But, Lindy! She's still so strong. What's happened to her?!"

"She didn't go near the piano for that whole first year, and I feared for her mind, I really did. I can never remember Fate without her music! When at last she began to play again, I thought everything would be all right. But the music was so sad! I don't care about that any more I'm just happy that she plays at all."

"It doesn't make sense! She can manage quite well, and with a little help"

Lindy looked alarmed.

"Oh no, my dear. It's not because of her injuries. I only wish it were. Fate lost something much more than her sight in that accident. She hasn't composed a piece of music since she came home from the hospital. It's as if the music left her that night -after she had lost so much already!"

"But what-" Nanoha began, confused.

Lindy stood suddenly, gathering her things.

"I've gone on too long, I'm afraid. I must sound like a silly old woman to you."

"Oh, Lindy. I know better. It must have been so hard for you all these years!"

Lindy smiled.

"To have Fate home, alive, was all I wanted. If only I could see her happy again! I wish you could have known her so accomplished, so full of life. She loved her music so, and the world loved her! When she toured, the concert halls would be full! People stood for hours to hear her play. Oh, she was something to see like a young lion, so graceful and proud!"

"She still is, you know," Nanoha said softly. "I heard her play, I _felt_ her music it was one of the most powerful things I ever experienced."

Lindy looked at Nanoha strangely.

"You can see it, then?"

"Oh, yes!" Nanoha exclaimed. "She has such passion in her hands, in her voice even in those beautiful eyes!"

Lindy touched Nanoha's face tenderly, then turned quickly away.

"I think it will be good for us that you have come."

When Nanoha found herself awake and restless at midnight, she returned to the library. She curled up in the large leather chair, books open in her lap, compelled to revisit Fate's past. She searched the newspaper and magazine images of the vigorous artist, struck by her vitality and fierce passion. The photos of Fate on stage, lost in the rhapsody of her music, were among the most arresting portraits Nanoha had ever seen. Nanoha was stirred as if by the memory of someone she had once known and now missed. There was a sense of loss that felt deeply personal. As Nanoha lay tossing later that night, searching for sleep, the strains of Fate's music echoed in her mind.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm on a roll with editing this story hehehe… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	6. Chapter 6

I would like to say **~Thank You~** to the following people: **CryingLeo, Reka T, Fairy-Wren, Kumi, Passerby-A, hantoscute & the others** for reviewing... I'm basing the speed of my update on your comments... :p

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Six**

Reluctantly, Nanoha conceded to Fate's wishes. When more than a week had passed with no further overture from Fate to address her personal correspondence, Nanoha wrote replies. Since she had no specific instructions, she simply stated that Ms. Testarossa appreciated the inquiries but was not presently available. She could bring herself to neither leave the letters unanswered nor to close the door on Fate's previous life. It was too final and felt much too much like death. Fate's death. It was beyond tragic to accept that the Fate Testarossa she had glimpsed in the yellowing pages of history was gone forever. Nanoha could not accept it, not when Nanoha heard her walk the halls late into the night, or awoke to the sight of her outlined against the dawn at the cliffs edge. Stubbornly Nanoha clung to the hope that Fate herself had abandoned, the hope that the music would someday return to Testarossa Manor.

Frustrated that she could not help Fate, she worked instead to restore her home. Summer was approaching, and Nanoha had taken the task to heart. She hired carpenters and painters to work both outside and in, tending to the multitude of small details that had been neglected for a decade. She finally relented and hired a landscaping crew she had seen advertised in the university paper. They would be helping her clear the wide expanse of nearly wild growth that covered the rear slopes and the bluff above the sea.

When Nanoha walked down one morning to the sea cliffs where Fate stood nearly every morning at dawn, she was terrified to find the path almost totally obscured with roots and vines. She couldn't imagine how Fate had avoided injury all this time. To make matters worse, the sea wall was crumbling into the surf a hundred feet below. There was precious little safety in that spot, especially for a woman who could not see. Nanoha knew it would be useless to ask Fate not to go there. Nanoha could envision the reaction that would produce! And, in truth, Nanoha didn't have the heart to bring it up whatever compelled Fate to visit that desolate point of land morning after morning didn't matter. Nanoha couldn't ask her to give up one more thing in her life. She simply hired a contractor and had the stone abutment repaired.

Late one May morning when Fate entered her music room, she immediately sensed another's presence. She stood still just inside the door, trying to discern the unexpected visitor. Nanoha had made it clear to the various workers that Fate's music room was not to be violated.

"Nanoha?" she inquired with faint surprise.

"Yes," Nanoha answered uncertainly.

She was standing with her back to the door and hadn't realized Fate was there until she spoke. She hadn't expected Fate at all. She was rarely about during the morning.

"What is it that you're doing?" Fate asked as she crossed the room. Her voice wasn't critical, merely curious.

"I'm putting a vase of flowers on the mantle. I just picked them." she replied quietly.

She was well aware that she had not been invited into Fate's study, but neither had Fate told her she was not welcome to go anywhere in the house she desired.

"To what purpose?" Fate asked darkly, "Did you think I might enjoy the color?"

She didn't want reminders of what she could no longer see! Nanoha caught her breath as Fate stalked to the French doors, flinging them open to stand in the archway, her back to Nanoha.

"I thought you might enjoy the beauty of their scent. I only wish that you might enjoy the sight of them as well."

Her voice quivered with both anger and uncertainty. She didn't want to hurt her, but she couldn't stand to see her deny all that remained to her. She stared at the rigid back, not realizing she was holding her breath, wondering if she had pushed this volatile, wounded woman too far. She waited for the hot flare of temper.

Fate drew a long steadying breath. "Forgive me," she said quietly. "That was unconscionably rude of me. Please accept my apology."

"I didn't mean to upset you," Nanoha replied. "You needn't apologize."

"I thought I could smell the roses on the wind last night," Fate said softly, her back still to Nanoha.

The rigid stance relaxed, to be replaced by a weariness too often evident in her whip-slender frame. Nanoha approached her cautiously; afraid Fate might retreat if startled.

"Yes, they're in bloom again now. They've been waiting so long."

"Have they?" Fate questioned

Her gaze fixed on some distant point beyond the open terrace doors.

"I would have thought they had simply perished by now."

"Their roots are deep, and strong," Nanoha said softly, wondering if they still spoke of the flowers. "The soil of Testarossa Manor is rich and fertile; it has nourished them all this time."

Fate stood very still, aware that Nanoha was close beside her. The air about them was filled with the perfume of new life.

"Nourishment alone is not always enough - living things need more than that. They would not have survived indefinitely without care," Fate said softly.

"No," Nanoha replied, swallowing the ache in her throat, "but they didn't have to." Impulsively, Nanoha grasped Fate's arm. "Walk with me I'll show you."

Fate tensed at the first touch of Nanoha's hand upon her arm. The sensation was so foreign it startled her. Then, with the grace born of her breeding, she tucked Nanoha's hand in the bend of her elbow.

"All right," she agreed, allowing Nanoha to lead the way.

As they strolled the meandering paths, Nanoha stopped frequently to describe the young flowers, drawing Fate's hand to the soft buds.

"Daffodils?" Fate asked as Nanoha brought a petal to her face.

Nanoha smiled. "Yes, - wait," she said, plucking another blossom. "And this?"

Fate cupped her fingers around Nanoha's hand, bending her head over the flower nestled there. Softly, she inhaled.

"Wisteria?" She looked up to Nanoha expectantly.

Nanoha stared into the questioning eyes, struck by there expressiveness. For an instant, she was certain that Fate could see her. She would give anything to make it so! Fate sensed the stirring of her emotions Nanoha's hand trembled slightly in hers.

"Nanoha?"

Nanoha released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

"You're very good. Right again!" she said, her voice thick with an emotion she couldn't name.

Fate slipped the blossom from Nanoha's grasp and tucked it into the pocket of her shirt. The simple gesture touched Nanoha. It pleased her unaccountably to bring the gardens to life for Fate. Each smile that passed Fate's lips, however fleeting, felt like a gift. Oddly, she was even enjoying their physical closeness. Even though Fate could maneuver the garden paths perfectly well, she made no move to remove the hand that Nanoha kept on her arm. Nanoha found herself curiously aware of the muscles rippling under her fingers as they walked. She forced herself to pay attention to the uneven terrain, trying to ignore the unusual fluttering in her stomach. Fate stopped suddenly, a puzzled look on her face. She turned to her right and stretched out her hand.

"Where are the lilacs?"

Nanoha was startled that Fate should know. Fate's ability to orient herself in her environment continued to astound her.

"You're right, of course. They're here, but they were so badly overgrown that they haven't flowered in years. I cut them back. In a year or two they'll flower again."

Fate leaned on her walking stick and sighed. So much was gone!

"I'm sorry. They were always so lovely they were my favorites, I think, after the roses."

Nanoha place her hand over Fate's, whispering, "They'll be back."

Fate shook her head, her expression once again dark.

"There are some things, Nanoha, that once lost, simply cannot be restored. There is no use in struggling to reclaim them. That path leads only to greater disappointment."

"I cannot accept that," Nanoha insisted. "One must hope."

Fate remained silent as they made their way to the house. She knew only too well that with the passage of time, even hope would die.

* * *

Lindy carried a tray into the music room as she did each evening, placing it on the table beside Fate. Tonight, Fate seemed lost in thought. She held a flower in her hand, tracing the petals absently with a fingertip. As Lindy turned to leave, Fate called to her.

"Lindy?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Sit a moment, wont you?"

Surprised by the unusual request, Lindy sat anxiously waiting. Although she and Fate spoke often, their conversations were always casual. Fate never discussed her deepest thoughts, and never sought Lindy's advice. Even as a child she tended to make announcements about her intentions, such as the time she informed her father she wasn't going back to school. She never did. She had been eight.

"Would you like some champagne?" Fate asked as she filled her glass from the bottle by her side.

"Oh goodness, no you know how silly I get when I drink that!"

Fate smiled. "You just talk a little more you're never silly."

Lindy leaned to touch Fate's arm gently.

"Is everything all right, dear? Is there something we need to talk about?"

"Nanoha," Fate replied after a moment. "Do you think she's happy here? It must be very lonely for a young woman so far away from the city, with no friends nearby."

Lindy had known the woman before her since the day she was born. She had seen her through triumph and great tragedy. She had watched her lock her heart and mind and great talent away in the empty rooms of this house for a dozen years. This was the first time in all those years that Fate had mentioned another person, let alone noticed someone enough to question their happiness. Nanoha's presence had penetrated Fate's self-imposed isolation, and that was close to a miracle. Lindy chose her words with care.

"She seems to love it here, Fate. Why, I can hardly remember what it was like before she came."

Fate made an impatient gesture.

"Nor I. But that's not the point. Testarossa Manor is our home we chose this place, this life, you and I. Nanoha didn't. We mustn't take advantage of her kindness, or her caring."

Lindy thought she had an inkling of what really concerned Fate. Nanoha was an unusual woman. She appreciated Fate's notoriety, had understood her fame, and yet she was not overwhelmed by it. In Fate's entire life, there had been very few who had ever dared approach her with friendship. Her imposing personality and public stature prevented ordinary relationships. People were either afraid of her intensity, or her temper - or they wanted something from her. She had had many followers, and many would-be friends, but it was rare that anyone tried to know her. Fate's personal attachments had most often been the source of her greatest disappointments. After all these years alone, she would surely distrust any type of intimacy.

"Fate, Nanoha is a grown woman. And she's made a lot of hard decisions in her life. Leaving a marriage is hard, even when it's not a good one, and I imagine striking out on her own without much security was hard, too. But, she is strong and independent, and she knows what she's about. She's here because she wants to be, and if she becomes unhappy, I imagine she'll do something about that herself. I don't think there's anything to worry about."

Fate relaxed perceptibly. "Lindy?"

"Yes, dear?"

"What does she look like?"

Lindy appreciated what a difficult question that was for Fate to ask. Fate knew the description of every piece of clothing in her closet, and insisted that each item be returned from the cleaners in a certain order. She never asked for assistance in dressing, never asked for help if she needed something to eat, never asked for any help at all. The only concession she made to her lack of sight was the necessity of keeping the furniture in one place. For her to make a direct reference to her inability to see was unheard of.

"Oh, lord, that is a hard one," Lindy exclaimed, nonplused.

Fate rose impatiently, reaching a hand up to the mantle, her face turned toward the fire.

"I know that she is almost my height, and strong. I could feel that in her hands when she took my arm in the garden. She laughs softly when something pleases her, and she loves the land. She knew how to bring the flowers to my minds eye"

She halted in frustration, unable to complete the picture of the woman who was so often near, but whom she could not see.

"You already know the best parts of her, Fate her goodness, and warmth, and her wonderful love of life."

Fate turned around, her fists tight.

"Yes, but what does she _look_ like? What color is her hair? Her eyes? What does she wear? Lindy, I can't see her!"

Lindy longed to go to her, to stroke the anger and frustration away. She knew very well that Fate would not allow it, would not allow any sign of sympathy.

"Her hair is auburn, rather like brown honey, and cut back away from her face. Her eyes are very blue, like the ocean on an August morning. When she's excited about something, her skin flushes a light rose and her eyes sparkle. In my day, we'd call her wholesome. She has the kind of strong body women have these days-you can tell she's fit, but, she flows in the right places, too."

"How long is her hair? What colors does she wear?"

"Her hair just touches her collar, and it's not so much curly as wavy. It blows around in the wind, like your does, all wild and free. When she's working outside she sometimes ties it back with a bandanna round her forehead. She likes to wear those loose trousers with the drawstrings at the waist, and tee shirts, -or those men's shirts that are made for girls. Lovely colors purples, dark greens, deep golds."

Fate had become very still as Lindy talked. The tension slowly left her body.

"Does that help?" Lindy asked her.

Fate nodded, concentrating on the picture forming in her mind.

"She's not at all like Shari, is she?" Fate asked softly.

"Oh my dear, not a bit."

* * *

Nanoha waited impatiently in the kitchen. Lindy had been gone for so long! She had been starving when she came in for dinner, but the longer Lindy was absent, the more anxious she became. Fate had been so subdued on their way back to the house; Nanoha was certain something was wrong.

"Is Fate all right?" she asked the moment Lindy rejoined her.

Lindy looked at her in surprise. What had gotten into the two of them? They were both so jumpy!

"Yes, dear, she's fine she just wanted to talk to me about a few household thing. Now, why don't we eat before everything is completely cold."

Forcing herself to relax, Nanoha poured them each some coffee and joined Lindy at the kitchen table. She tried to appear nonchalant.

"I was just a little concerned. She spends so much time alone, and she's so very sensitive"

"That's her nature," Lindy commented. "All she ever wanted was to play the piano. Her father had to force her to do anything else. He adored her, though. I thought he would go mad himself after the accident. For so long we didn't know if she would live, and then when she finally opened her eyes, he was sitting right there by her bed. She put her hand out to take his. She didn't say anything for the longest time; we didn't know that anything was wrong. It did break his heart when she said, so quietly, that she couldn't see him. Oh, it was a horrible time!"

Nanoha closed her eyes with the pain of the image, of Fate so brutally injured, of a family so hurt. Some part of her longed to change the past, to undue the horrible suffering.

As if sensing her thoughts, Lindy said,

"We all felt so helpless" She shook herself, rising briskly. "It doesn't change things, does it, to wish for the past to be different?"

"What was she like, before the accident," Nanoha asked quietly.

As each day passed she wanted to know more. She was certain that the key to Fate's silence and her pain was hidden in her past. Nanoha couldn't stop thinking that if she could only understand what had caused Fate to withdraw from all she had been, she would find some way to reach her. Exactly why that mattered so much to her she couldn't put into words, but she knew she had never been so affected by anyone in her life. Maybe it was just knowing what an incredible genius Fate Testarossa possessed, and that the loss of such a gift went beyond personal tragedy. Lindy laughed.

"She was a regular hellion she never got on well in regular schools. Not that she wasn't bright - she was always good at whatever she tried. It's just that she never wanted to do anything except play the piano. She said once that when she looked at the world, she heard music. It was her language, as natural to her as talking is to us. All you ever had to do was listen to her play to know what she was feeling. It's the one place she could never hide. When her father put her in the music school, with tutors at home, she did much better. From the time she was young she was in the company of adults, and she never had a childhood. She had been all over the world by the time she was fifteen. She grew up surrounded by people who wanted things from her - a piece of her fame, a piece of her passion. Her music might have been pure, but the world it thrust her into wasn't. Sometimes I feared it would destroy her!"

Lindy sighed.

"She loved a good party, though, and, oh, what a good dancer! She made up for all the hours she spent lost in her work by being a little wild. But we all forgave her for the times she worried us, because she was such a wonder she brought us all so much happiness."

Nanoha tried to imagine Fate that way, infused with energy and enthusiasm. That there were great depths to her sensitivity Nanoha had no doubt but Fate's passionate embrace of life had disappeared. What Nanoha couldn't explain was her own desire to rekindle it.

* * *

**A/N:** Wow to think that we are already at Chapter 6, If only I can write this quickly hehehe… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Seven **

Nanoha respected Fate's wishes, and did not mention the abundant correspondence that still arrived regarding her former career. Fate remained for the most part an easy person to work for, and if it weren't for the fact that Nanoha was acutely aware of Fate's deep unhappiness, she would have found Fate's company more than satisfying. On those occasions when they escaped from the drudgery of paperwork to relax on the terrace, Fate seemed sincerely interested in Nanoha's life. Nanoha enjoyed their times together, only wishing for some way to make Fate's rare smile linger.

Unexpectedly at first, Fate began to appear in the garden while Nanoha was working. She would stand nearby, often wordless for long lengths of time, and then simply disappear. Eventually she started to ask Nanoha what it was that she was doing. Fate would listen attentively, then smile to herself as she made a mental note of a new shrub or planting. She was slowly creating a new vision of Testarossa Manor with Nanoha's help. As the days passed, her visits became more frequent. Nanoha found herself looking forward to these encounters. On those days when Fate didn't appear, Nanoha finished her work strangely restless and unsatisfied.

Late one morning Nanoha glanced up to find Fate close by. Her hands were thrust into the front pockets of her trousers, and she leaned forward with a perplexed expression on her face.

"What are you wondering?" Nanoha asked, leaning back to see her tall companion.

"What you're planting. This isn't the rose garden, or the English garden, or the perennial bed in fact, this isn't anything at all as I recall." Fate gestured toward each of the gardens as she spoke.

"You're right on all counts. This is the kitchen garden."

Fate frowned. "We don't have a kitchen garden. Lindy always said she couldn't grow weeds, and will never had the time."

Her expression became distant, a response Nanoha was coming to recognize. Whatever the memory, it was painful. Nanoha reached into her carry all.

"Here," she said, placing a pair of soft work gloves into Fate's hand. "Put these on."

Fate turned the gloves over in her hands, clearly at a loss. Nanoha found her consternation appealing she was usually so commanding. Had Fate known her bewilderment was apparent, Nanoha knew she would have been embarrassed.

"But why?"

"So you can help plant the tomatoes," Nanoha said matter-of-factly. "We're making a garden so we can grow our own vegetables this summer."

She knew she was risking alienating her reclusive employer, just when she seemed to be emerging from her isolation, but she had to try. The gardens seemed to bring Fate some peace. Nanoha only hoped her instincts were correct. She was quite sure that no one had ever suggested to Fate Testarossa that she dig in the dirt.

Fate hefted the gloves. "I don't need these."

Nanoha studied Fate's hands. They were long-fingered and delicate, ribboned with fine blue veins beneath soft pale skin. The supple fingers suggested strength, but they were not meant for rough work. Nanoha had seen Fate's hands on the keyboard, how they moved with certainty and grace. She had heard the music from those hands on the night breeze. She did not need newspaper accolades to know they were exquisite instruments in themselves.

"You do need them," Nanoha said softly. "Please put them on. I can't let you do this without them."

Fate hesitated for a moment, then nodded. She slipped them on, then asked, "Where do you want me?"

Nanoha grasped her sleeve. "Here, on my right. Give me your hand."

She placed a seedling in Fate's palm.

"There are twelve of these in each flat. Make a hole six inches deep, then put the seedling in, pot and all. Press the earth firmly around the peat pot, so there are no air pockets. Put the plants a foot and a half apart. Move straight to your right back toward the house. All right?"

Fate brought the young plant to her face. It smelled like warm sunshine. For a moment she was lost in the comfort of it. Nanoha watched the transformation of her elegant features. Fate cradled the tiny plant reverently, her face losing its stark tension, relaxing into a gentle smile. The tenderness she hid so well was plainly evident now. Abruptly Fate emerged from her reverie, and with a shake of her head, her expression was once again inscrutable.

"I can do that," she said with her usual confidence. With utter disregard for what must be five hundred dollar trousers, she knelt beside Nanoha as directed.

"Good," Nanoha replied.

She watched Fate work for a while, amazed at her self-assurance and dexterity. She also noted the care with which Fate handled the delicate new life. She was a wealth of contradictions remote, emotionally distant, intimidating, and yet she showed such tenderness and sensitivity in the small gestures that she didn't realize were so revealing. Nanoha found it hard to take her eyes off her. Eventually she forced herself back to work, and the time passed in companionable silence. As the sun climbed above them, Fate paused to roll up the sleeves on her shirt. She leaned back and Nanoha caught a glimpse of her face.

"Fate," Nanoha called, "turn towards me."

Fate swiveled around, a questioning look on her face.

"Oh hell. You're burning!" Nanoha cried in consternation.

She hadn't thought the sun was that strong, but then it occurred to her that part of Fate's pallor was from her rare time outside. She knew Fate walked the grounds late into the night. Only recently had she begun to venture out during the day. Nanoha grabbed a tube of sunscreen and knelt by Fate's side.

"Put this on your face and your arms, too."

"Are you sure?" Fate questioned reluctantly.

"Of course I'm sure!" Nanoha exclaimed, angry at her own carelessness. "You should see how red you are!" The instant the words were spoken, she wanted them back. "Oh, god! I'm sorry!"

Fate opened the tube. "Well, I'm not I know what I look like with a sunburn."

Nanoha thought she looked more striking than ever with color in her face. "It's not that bad, but if it gets any worse, I think Lindy will kill me."

"Better now?" Fate asked as she covered her hands and face with the lotion.

She lifted her head toward Nanoha for inspection. Her hair was windblown and tumbled over her forehead in disarray. Sunlight etched the angles of her face in gold, a dazzling contrast to the rich blond of her hair and burgundy eyes. She was unknowingly stunning, and as Nanoha gazed at her something visceral shifted in her depths. Shaken, not wanting it to show, Nanoha reached for the tube.

"Here, give it to me," she said hoarsely.

She brushed the cream across Fate's jaw and down the side of her neck.

"You missed a spot," she said softly

Cupping Fate's chin gently in one hand. Fate struggled not to pull away. Nanoha sensed her discomfort and wondered why. Was it her blindness that made her so, or something else?

"Thank you," Fate remarked seriously when Nanoha took her hand away.

The touch of Nanoha's fingers on her skin had startled her. Even Lindy rarely touched her, and Fate had not thought she missed it. She had little need of contact with anything save the keys of her piano. Still, her breath caught in her throat at the sensation of Nanoha's fingers on her face. She struggled to control her expression, aware that she was trembling.

"You're welcome," Nanoha replied, moving away.

She had a hard time forgetting the look on Fate's face when she innocently touched her. It looked like fear.

* * *

"Fate!" Lindy cried when Fate walked into the kitchen. "Oh my gracious! Did you fall? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine why?" Fate answered in surprise. She felt better than fine, in fact, she felt strangely exhilarated.

"Why, you've got dirt streaked on your face, and your shirt is a sight!"

Fate took meticulous care in dressing, and Lindy could never remember her with so much as a crease out of line on her tailored trousers.

Fate frowned. "I was gardening apparently rather messily. Just how bad do I look?"

When Lindy got over her astonishment, she laughed with delight. God bless Nanoha for this!

"I'm afraid you wouldn't like it. You look - disheveled."

Fate put down the glass she was about to fill.

"I'm going to shower," she said stiffly. She left with as much dignity as she could.

Lindy looked after her, tears threatening to fall.

* * *

Less than a week later Fate was startled by a knock on the door of the master suite. Lindy never disturbed her when she was in her rooms. She rose from the chair that faced the open windows, calling,

"Yes?"

"Fate, its Nanoha. I have something for you."

Fate opened the door to admit her, a question in her eyes. By way of explanation, Nanoha placed a package in her hands.

"These are for you," she said, suddenly shy.

It had seemed like such a good idea when it first occurred to her. With Fate standing in front of her, as unassailable as always, she wasn't sure.

Fate motioned her inside with her usual grace. "Please, sit down."

Nanoha looked about, surprised by the luxury of Fate's quarters. Everything from the high four-poster bed to the ornate armoires and antique dressers spoke of cultured refinement. Fate projected such an austere impression that Nanoha had to remind herself that Fate had grown up in and been part of the very pinnacle of wealthy society. Her only visible concession to that opulent world now was her taste in clothes. Nanoha watched Fate carefully as she opened the parcel.

Fate stood by her bed, meticulously examining each item, her expression growing more and more perplexed. She said nothing as she carefully arranged the strange gifts. Finally she faced Nanoha, one elegant eyebrow arched in question.

"And these are?" she queried, her voice carefully uninflected.

Nanoha took a deep breath. "Two pairs of denim jeans, three blue cotton work shirts, six white cotton tee shirts, crew socks, and a pair of Timberline work boots."

"Interesting," Fate noted, struggling to keep her voice even. "And the purpose?"

"You can't garden in Saville row suits and Italian loafers. It's criminal," Nanoha stated.

She didn't add that it was also unsafe for Fate on the steep, often muddy slopes in the shoes she usually wore.

"I have never worn blue jeans in my life," was all Fate could think to say. No one had ever been so bold as to comment on anything she had ever worn before. In fact, such an attempt would have drawn her most scathing reply. That Nanoha had taken it upon herself to actually _buy_ her clothing astounded her.

"They're black," Nanoha answered smartly. "I thought you'd prefer that."

"And how did you manage the size?" Fate asked,

Still strangely subdued. Nanoha was one of the few people she had ever known who did not seem intimidated by her. The other had been Shari, and that had been entirely different.

"I write out your checks," Nanoha explained. "I called your tailor."

Fate couldn't hide her shock.

"You called Vice Granscenic about _blue jeans?_ What on earth did he say?"

Nanoha smiled at the memory.

"He told me more than I'll ever need to know about your inseams, rise and waistbands. I had a hard time convincing him that it wasn't necessary for him to _make_ the jeans, even though he insisted vehemently that he had always made all of your clothes. He's delightful."

She didn't add that he also obviously adored Fate, and had asked anxiously when he might be needed to tailor her next concert suit. He explained her trousers were cut to allow easy movement on a piano bench and that since Fate had an unusually long arm span, she needed extra width in the back and sleeves of her shirts. It was important, he said, that nothing impair her reach on the keyboard. His pride in assisting Fate had not diminished during her years of seclusion. Nanoha was coming to realize that Fate made an indelible impression on every one she touched.

Fate smiled softly as Nanoha spoke, one finger aimlessly tracing the cuff of her fine Irish linen shirt.

"Poor Vice," she said with a hint of laughter. "He probably hasn't yet recovered."

"Try them on," Nanoha suggested boldly.

Fate started with surprise, then laughed unexpectedly.

"All right, Ms. Takamachi, I will. If you would be so kind as to excuse me for a moment."

She gathered the clothes and disappeared into her dressing room, leaving Nanoha with the memory of her laughter.

* * *

**A/N:** Editing this chapter made me remember how I like this story, so sweet… I'm on the halfway mark of the next chapter for **"The Forgotten Sky"**, If I can't finish by today I promise I'll post it tomorrow or the next day... Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Eight **

Lindy opened the music room door with one hand, Fate's breakfast tray balanced in the other. It was five a.m., and the sky visible through the open terrace was just beginning to lighten. It was the first of June, and although it was still cool in the early mornings, Fate had begun taking her meals outside on the stone patio. She was there at the edge of the balcony now, facing as always down to the sea. At the first sight of her Lindy halted in astonishment.

"Fate?" she queried, her voice rising in surprise.

Fate turned, a distracted look on her face. "Yes? What is it?"

Lindy collected herself quickly. "I - well, it's - you look quite nice!"

Fate tilted her head, frowning. Lindy wasn't making any sense.

"I look - ah, the jeans! You've noticed the addition to my wardrobe. I'm not sure I'm used to them yet."

"Wherever did you get them?"

"Nanoha decided my day wear was not suitable," Fate answered.

"_Nanoha_ bought those clothes?" Lindy cried in amazement.

No one in Lindy's recollection had ever had the audacity to buy apparel for Fate, she was much too particular. That Nanoha was not only bold enough to do it, but that Fate seemed to have accepted the gesture with aplomb, amazed her.

"And do you approve?" Fate asked testily.

Lindy studied her in frank amazement. She was broad in the shoulders, with narrow hips, and naturally sinewy. The white cotton tee shirt highlighted the muscles of her chest and arms. The close fitting jeans accentuated her leanness and height, giving her a tense feline appearance. She looked ten years younger and tautly lithe. In all the years Lindy had known her, her appearance had always been refined, dignified, and wholly elegant. She had a kind of natural androgyny that suited her professional persona. Fate as an individual was secondary to her role as a musician. Her gender on the concert stage was of little consequence. This was the first time Lindy had ever had a sense of Fate as a sexual being. It was a disconcerting, and at the same time, wonderfully gratifying change.

"You look quite acceptable," Lindy managed to say in a tone that belied her astonishment.

She was afraid overt enthusiasm would make Fate self-conscious. She knew it would be hard for Fate not to know how she looked.

Fate nodded absently, recalling Nanoha's reaction when she had emerged from her dressing room. Nanoha was silent so long Fate began to think she had missed a button in some delicate location.

"Well," Fate had asked with a trace of impatience. "Do they fit or shall we have to call Vice?"

Nanoha had cleared her throat, saying,

"The fit is fabulous. You look altogether- handsome."

_Handsome_ she had said. Fate wondered what Nanoha saw when she looked at her. She had never given it any thought before. How she appeared to others meant nothing to her. It had only been her music that mattered. Why it should matter now, when she had nothing to offer anyone, eluded her. And why she should care what Nanoha Takamachi thought of her was even more mystifying. She could not deny however, that she had enjoyed pulling on these clothes when she awoke that morning, and that as she did so, she remembered Nanoha's soft praise.

"Put the tray down, for heavens sake, Lindy," Fate said brusquely, annoyed with her own reminiscences. What did any of it matter!

When Lindy returned an hour later, Fate was gone and her breakfast remained untouched.

* * *

Hours later, Fate walked down the garden path to the sea, vaguely aware of the fine salt mist against her skin, absently welcoming the suns warmth on her face. She had been preoccupied since she awoke that morning. The hint of a refrain trailed in and out of her consciousness, making it impossible for her to concentrate on anything else. The notes were elusive, but ever present, and that was an experience she hadn't had in years. Whereas once music came to her unbidden, demanding expression, that inner voice had been silenced along with the surging rhythms of her once vital life. Why it should return now, she didn't know, and she was afraid to question it, lest the music desert her once again. She was feeling the notes, searching for the form, when she struck something large and unyielding in her path. She had no time to react, emitting a curse as she found herself lying tangled in a thicket by the side of the path.

"Damn!" she swore, struggling to free herself from grasping tendrils of ivy.

"Oh my god, Fate!" Nanoha cried, rushing to her. "Oh god, are you hurt?"

She began frantically pulling at the vines, attempting to pull Fate upright. _Please don't let her_ _be hurt!_

Fate took firm hold of Nanoha's hands, stilling her frantic motion.

"I'm quite all right. Just take my arm and help me up."

Nanoha reached for her hand and slipped her other arm around Fate's waist. She was surprised once again by the strength in the deceptively lithe body. She gasped when her worried eyes searched Fate's face.

"Oh lord, you've cut yourself," she cried.

With trembling fingers she brushed a trickle of blood from Fate's chin.

"What was it?" Fate asked quietly, trying to regain some semblance of dignity.

Nanoha looked devastated.

"My wheelbarrow! How could I have been so careless!" She was close to tears. "God, you could have really been hurt!"

Fate stared toward Nanoha.

"Your wheelbarrow?"

"Yes," she said miserably.

The thought of Fate injured was unbearable. She had begun to see Testarossa Manor as a maze of potential obstacles, all waiting for Fate to walk innocently into their midst. Every time she watched Fate maneuver the uneven flagstone path, or climb the crumbling steps from the bluff, her heart pounded with anxiety. Seeing her reach across the stove for the coffee pot, knowing how easily her sleeve could touch the flame, made Nanoha want to scream out loud. She cursed whatever godless force had stolen Fate's sight, and exiled this magnificent being from the world. That she might have been the cause of further harm completely undid her. She didn't seem to be able to think quite rationally where Fate was concerned. She held onto her protectively, one hand brushing at the smudges on her tee-shirt.

Fate reached out for Nanoha's hand, laughing.

"Was it a trap?"

Nanoha cradled the long, delicate fingers in hers, aware of how vulnerable Fate was despite her stubborn independence.

"No, just my thoughtlessness," she managed around the tightness in her throat.

Fate was suddenly serious, aware of the trembling in Nanoha's voice. She grasped Nanoha's shoulders with both hands, looking intently into her face.

"It's not the first time I've fallen," she said gently. "I'm quite fine, you know."

Nanoha stepped closer until there was only inches between them.

"No, you're not. You have blood on your face and thistles in your hair."

Fate laughed again, a sound that warmed Nanoha's heart.

"Well, for heavens sake, get them out! Haven't I disgraced myself enough for one morning?"

Nanoha gently disentangled the wisps of vines from the thick, rich hair, whispering softly,

"You couldn't be undignified if you tried. I don't know how, but you elevate jeans and a tee shirt to an art form."

Her heart was still racing wildly, and for some reason she couldn't quite catch her breath. She was close enough to smell the faint cologne Fate wore. It seemed to flood her senses as the rest of the world receded from her consciousness. She was dimly aware of a faint pounding in her belly.

A faint smile flickered at the corners of Fate's mouth as she straightened her shoulders, her hands resting lightly on Nanoha's bare forearms.

"Am I presentable now?"

"You're beautiful," Nanoha answered thickly.

A pulse beat under the satin skin of Fate's neck, and for some unfathomable reason, Nanoha wanted to rest her fingers there. Maybe it was the fear invoked by Fate's recent fall; maybe it was the sorrow she couldn't dispel after reading the articles about Fate's previous life; maybe it was the soul wrenching sadness of the only music Fate ever played, alone in the dark - something made her bold enough to brush her fingers gently through the disheveled hair on Fate's forehead, and stroke the satin skin of her cheek. She rested her hand against the ivory column of her neck, scarcely breathing, her vision narrowed until Fate was all she could see.

At the first light contact of Nanoha's tentative touch, Fate closed her eyes, a light shiver coursing through her. A faint flush colored her usually pale cheeks. Her words came slowly, with the same caution she used when crossing an unfamiliar room.

"I can feel the salt from the sea and the warmth from the sun on your skin. You smell of the earth- - rich, dark, vital. _You_ are alive and that is true beauty."

Nanoha felt each word, as she had felt Fate's music; in some deep part of herself she hadn't known existed. Without thinking, she slipped her arms around Fate's waist, resting her cheek against the thin cotton shirt, embracing her gently.

"Thank you," Nanoha whispered against Fate's shoulder.

Fate was acutely aware of Nanoha's heart beating against her, of the soft swell of Nanoha's breast against her chest, and the fine tremor in Nanoha's body. Fate shuddered slightly and stepped back gently, taking a deep breath.

"The stone bench is it still there, under the sycamore?"

"Yes," Nanoha said quietly, sensing her withdrawal.

She had to let her go, not understanding why it was so difficult.

"If you don't mind the company, I'd like to sit out here a while."

Fate needed distance between them, but she could not bear to leave.

"I'd love the company," Nanoha said softly. "Do you know the way?"

Fate laughed.

"I used to. Are there any strange obstacles in the path?"

"All clear."

Nanoha followed Fate with her eyes as she made her way carefully but unerringly to the bench. Only when Nanoha saw her safely seated could she return to her work. Even then she glanced up every few moments just to look at her. Nanoha was delighted that Fate accepted Nanoha's gift of new clothes so magnanimously. Not only were they more practical, she looked terrific in them. As much as she loved the impeccably cut trousers and dress shirts Fate usually wore, this casual garb was unusually compelling. She could still vividly recall her shock when Fate had first appeared in them. Whereas before Fate's clothes accentuated her ethereal aloofness, these form-fitting casual shirts and pants emphasized her sinewy sensuality. Nanoha stared while something foreign erupted in her, and her heart began to trip over itself. When Fate asked for her opinion, she couldn't admit that what had come to mind was breathtaking. But she _was_, in that aristocratic way of some women, and each time Nanoha saw her, she was more aware of just how physically attractive she found Fate to be. She had no reference for what she felt, but it was certainly undeniable.

She pulled roots and transplanted the day lilies that were multiplying in great abundance. Although there was silence between them, she was acutely aware of Fate's presence and was soothed by it. When she glanced up at one point, she was struck by the distant expression on Fate's face. She was used to Fate's lapses in attention, although she was more accustomed to their accompanying some painful memory. Today Fate appeared distracted, but not distressed. Her eloquent hands were moving on her outstretched thighs, delicately, but with purpose.

"Where are you?" Nanoha called quietly, laying her tools aside.

Fate smiled ruefully.

"I'm trying to capture a refrain -not very successfully, I'm afraid. It's been plaguing me all day."

"Can you hear it?" Nanoha asked,

Aware that Fate had never once spoken to her of music. That she did so now, so casually, made Nanoha realize that Fate was not fully present.

"Almost. It's there, like a fine murmur in my ear, but I can't quite bring it into focus."

"Why don't you hum it?"

Nanoha suggested, taking advantage of Fate's apparently mellow mood.

"Maybe that will help."

Fate tilted her head, frowning slightly,

"You won't mind the noise?"

Nanoha laughed. "Of course not! Go ahead!"

She smiled, turning back to her work, enjoying the deep, rich timbre of Fate's voice. Gradually she became aware of fragments of an enchanting melody and sat back on her heels to listen. Quietly, she laid her tools aside and watched Fate.

Fate sat with her eyes closed, outlined in sunlight. Nanoha wasn't quite sure which was more beautiful, the music or its composer. She did know she had never been quite so moved, nor quite so content simply to look at another human being.

Fate quieted, fixing her gaze towards Nanoha.

"You've stopped working."

"I'm listening," Nanoha confessed in a voice thick with emotion.

Fate leaned forward, her expression intent. "Do you like it?"

Nanoha went to her instinctively, kneeling by her side. She placed her hand lightly on Fate's thigh. She didn't know how to say what she felt how the melody enchanted her, soothed her like a gentle caress- how gracefully the notes flowed around her. She wanted to say that Fate's music made her hurt somewhere inside; that she welcomed the hurt because she felt it so deeply she knew she was alive. Listening, she had wanted to cry, and dance, and hold someone she loved.

"It's beautiful I felt things, I _wanted _things, - things that I've never known, just from listening to you. It's wonderful."

Fate was silent for a long time. Her gaze drifted beyond Nanoha, to another place, to another lifetime, when she was whole and her world was filled with music. She had thought then that her world was filled with love, too. She knew now she had been wrong. Nanoha's innocent response to those faltering notes, not even a fragment of what she once wrote in an instant, reminded her painfully of what she was no more.

Her fingertips just brushed Nanoha's hand where it lay on her leg. She looked to where she knew Nanoha knelt, willing herself to see her. When she couldn't, she lifted a hand to Nanoha's cheek.

"I wondered if you could hear something of what I felt. I think you do. You have been kind in your praise. Thank you."

Nanoha remained motionless, concentrating on the feather light stroke of Fate's hand. Despite its gentleness, it affected her deeply. The sorrow in Fate's eyes, as they searched her face unseeing, touched her even more. Was there no way at all to ease her endless torment? She didn't realize her hands had moved to Fate's waist, or that she leaned into Fate's embrace as she struggled for some words to convey the emotions that threatened to choke her. Fate felt the heat of Nanoha's body close against her own.

Fate sat back abruptly, letting her hand fall away, breaking their connection.

"I think I'll go in now. You must have things to do and I have other matters to attend to."

Nanoha stifled a protest; she was embarrassed by how much she wanted her to stay. Fate had already begun to make her way back toward the house by the time Nanoha collected herself. Nanoha looked after her, confused, and hurt. Had her pitifully inadequate attempts to describe her feelings about Fate's music offended her?

Whatever the cause of Fate's withdrawal, Nanoha returned to her work feeling lonely, a penetrating loneliness she had never before known.

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter has a Bitter Sweet taste hehehe... Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Nine **

The sun was nearly gone when Fate rounded the corner from the rose garden. She halted abruptly when she heard the kitchen door slam with a bang. Nanoha's angry voice carried to her clearly.

"Mr. Acous," Nanoha shouted, her voice cold with fury, "do you mind telling me what this is?"

He looked at the canister she held out to him, not particularly disturbed by her anger. He was thinking once again what a good-looking woman she was, especially in those cotton shorts that showed off her nice tight thighs.

"It's a solvent you spray it on"

Nanoha interrupted him in a deadly tone.

"What was it doing on the kitchen counter?"

"Guess I left it there when I used the phone." He stared at her, confused.

She did seem to be a little irritated.

"You did say I could use the phone." He gave her his best grin, the one that always worked with his wife.

"Yes, I did," she said with steely calm. "And I expressly told you that you were to leave no tools lying around, and that you were absolutely not to bring anything into the house." She caught her breath, trying to control her temper. "Is it caustic?"

"Well, you'd get a nasty burn if you sprayed yourself. But, its clearly marked anyone can see"

"No, Mr. Acous_ not anyone_," Nanoha exploded. "You're fired. Send me a bill for what you've done so far."

She turned and slammed back into the house she was shaking. She heard the door open and whirled to confront him. This was not open to discussion. But it was Fate instead who stood inside the door, her face grave.

"That isn't necessary, Nanoha," she said quietly.

Nanoha was too distraught for caution. She was still upset over Fate's fall that morning; she had been upset ever since Fate deserted her so precipitously; and she was sick over finding an open canister of toxic fluid in the kitchen where Fate insisted on preparing her own lunch.

"Yes, it _is_ necessary! That was dangerous!"

"I am quite capable"

"Yes, you are!" Nanoha interrupted, her voice rising. "You are amazingly capable. I am well aware that there isn't much that you can't do. But, damn it, Fate, you _can't_ see! And there's no point in putting danger in your path. You're so stubborn and - I would hate it so if anything happened to you!" Her voice broke, but she just couldn't help it.

She seemed to be on an emotional rollercoaster lately. She was moody, and she never had been before. She woke up in the morning feeling in charge of the world, only to find herself depressed and listless by the afternoon. She hadn't felt this out of sorts in the middle of divorcing her husband! If something happened to Fate! To her horror she felt tears threatening.

From across the room, Fate felt her distress.

"Nanoha," she soothed, reaching out to her, finding her shoulders. "Look at me."

Fate gently cupped Nanoha's face with her hands, her expression intent. Drawing a tremulous breath, Nanoha searched Fate's face.

"I am careful I have learned to be. Fire him because he didn't follow your orders fair enough. But don't let my blindness burden you with unnecessary fears. It is enough that I am a prisoner at least, in some ways, I deserve it."

"No! You could never oh, Fate, no!"

Fate stilled her with the fleeting touch of one finger to Nanoha's lips.

"It doesn't matter now it's done."

She softly brushed the hair back from Nanoha's neck, allowing the thick strands to run slowly through her fingers, before dropping her hands. Quietly, she said,

"There are things about me you do not know, Nanoha - things that some might say warrant my fate. There may be truth in that; I've stopped asking. Whatever the case, I can't have you become a victim of my past. You must live your life and not worry about mine. Promise me?"

Nanoha nodded, so affected by Fate's words that her head was pounding.

"I'll try I promise."

Fate seemed satisfied and stepped back.

"Thank you."

"Fate!"

Nanoha called as Fate turned away, loathe for her to leave,

"Do you want to finish the accounts tonight?"

Fate shook her head. "No – I'll send for you when I'm ready."

Nanoha was oddly disappointed, and suddenly the evening ahead of her loomed long and empty. She waited all that interminably long day and the ones that followed for some word from Fate. None ever came.

* * *

By the time Lindy entered the kitchen shortly after five am; Nanoha had made coffee, put bread in the oven, and was pacing restlessly in front of the window. She had barely slept and her nerves were completely frayed.

"What are you doing up so early?" Lindy asked in surprise.

Turning abruptly, Nanoha asked urgently,

"Lindy, where is Fate? I haven't seen her in three days. I looked for her at the sea wall this morning and yesterday. She hasn't been there, or out to the gardens, and she hasn't sent for me! What is going on?"

Momentarily dismayed by Nanoha's distress, Lindy quickly composed herself. She had been shielding Fate Testarossa for a great many years.

"Why, she's in the music room."

"The music room," Nanoha repeated stonily, trying to contain her temper. "I have never known her not to open the terrace doors when she's in there. Why now – what's happening?"

"She's perfectly all right," Lindy insisted, although her face betrayed her uncertainty.

"Is that why you brought back the dinner trays untouched for the last two nights? Because she's _all right_? Damn it, Lindy! Tell me!"

Lindy sagged slightly, abandoning her facade of disconcern. She sat heavily at the table, motioning for Nanoha to join her.

"She _is_ in the music room, and she's working she's composing something she hasn't done since the accident. I'm not sure its going well. It's been so long! I bring her the trays, but she sends them away untouched; she sends _me_ away. I know she hasn't slept. It is starting to frighten me."

Nanoha looked at her disbelievingly.

"I've been up to the terrace behind her study. She's not playing - the room is dark -" Nanoha sighed. "Of course it would be, wouldn't it. She doesn't need the light. It's sound proof, too, isn't it?"

"Yes, as long as the doors are closed." Lindy affirmed. "I don't know if you can understand what this means, Nanoha. I'm not sure I do any longer. Fate hasn't attempted a new work since her injury. Oh, she's written fragments - those sad melodies she plays. But nothing of any complexity and nothing that's ever affected her like this. I used to pray that she would work again, but now I'm not sure it's a good thing. If she can't – I'm not sure how much disappointment one soul can bear!"

"Give me the breakfast tray," Nanoha said quietly.

"Oh, no, Fate wouldn't like that!" Lindy protested.

"Lindy, I don't give a damn if Fate likes it or not! Are you going to stand by for the rest of your life and watch her die a little bit more each day!?"

Lindy couldn't hide her shock, and the harsh words shook her to her core. She stared at Nanoha, stricken.

"Oh my God, Lindy," Nanoha cried. "I am so sorry!"

She passed a trembling hand across her face, drawing a shaky breath.

"I can't begin to apologize! I don't know what I'm saying! I've been worried sick about her, and I just - Please, can you forgive me?"

"It's all right, my dear. I can see that you're upset for her." She turned to prepare the tray. "Maybe if I hadn't given in to her so easily all these years -" she said uncertainly.

"No, Lindy," Nanoha said compassionately,

Agonizing over the words she had uttered in anger.

"Fate is a formidable woman, and I doubt that you or anyone else could have changed her. My god, if you hadn't been here for her all this time, who knows how she would have survived."

Lindy remained silent, thinking that Nanoha had done more to change Fate's life in three months than all of her own attention over the years. She knew Nanoha had spoken from a place of caring, and she was grateful at last for someone who wasn't willing to let Fate simply slip away. Everyone else who had supposedly loved her had either been too devastated by her tragedy or too weak to stand between Fate and her pain. Why Nanoha was willing to, she didn't know. For now she was just thankful that she did.

"Take this then," Lindy said, offering the breakfast tray. "But be prepared. You haven't yet seen Fate when she's battling her demons. Her temper terrified most people."

* * *

Fate stood, shoulders slumped, before the fireplace, her arms folded along the mantle, her forehead resting against them. She stared down into the cold ashes. The back of her linen shirt was rumpled and sweat-stained. From across the room, Nanoha could see her trembling. Fate waved a hand distractedly,

"Just leave it, Lindy."

"Not until you eat," Nanoha said as she placed the tray next to the untouched dinner left from the night before.

Fate turned in surprise. "Nanoha?"

"Yes," Nanoha replied, struggling for calm.

Fate's face was creased with fatigue, she was unsteady on her feet, and she looked like she had lost five pounds when what she needed was to gain twenty. Her physical fragility was shocking. Nanoha had grown accustomed to the force and power of Fate's presence, and to be confronted so vividly with Fate's vulnerability frightened Nanoha more than she could have imagined. _My god, this is killing her! _The thought was so terrifying Nanoha clenched her fists to keep from crying out.

"Leave it please," Fate repeated softly. She forced a smile, trying to hide her weariness. "Then go."

Nanoha took a breath, "I want you to eat first."

Fate frowned, her body rigid with tension. "I will. Later."

"No. Now," Nanoha repeated, knowing she was on dangerous ground.

She knew that no one dictated to Fate Testarossa, and certainly not when she was in the midst of a creative fury. She steeled herself for the storm that finally arrived. Fate straightened to her full imposing height, her burgundy eyes flashing fire.

"I don't have time to argue with you, Nanoha, nor should I have to. I am still master of this house and, if I am correct, you work for me. Don't interfere in something you know nothing about!"

"I know you can't work like this -"

"You presume to speak of my work?!" Fate shouted, slamming the piano lid down in frustration. "What do you know of my work! Could you even _begin_ to recognize a great piece of music, let alone understand what it takes to create one?! Do you have any idea who I -" Fate stopped abruptly, realizing what she was about to say. _Do you have any idea who I am_? Who was she now?

Nanoha would have preferred the anger to the agonizing uncertainty that she glimpsed as Fate turned from her. Lindy had voiced what Fate obviously feared. _What if she can't?_

"Of course I don't know what it takes! I can't even begin to fathom what it demands of you to create what you have. I _do_ know who you are, Fate, and I know you can do this. But you've got to stop driving yourself this way! It's only making it harder!"

Fate bowed her head, both arms braced on the wide expanse of the silent grand piano.

"Please leave me, Nanoha," she said quietly, her despondency apparent.

"I can't," Nanoha said desperately. "Not like this."

Fate ran a hand through her disheveled hair. "I didn't know you were so stubborn."

"There's a lot you don't know about me," Nanoha said as she moved quickly to Fate's side, grasping her hand. "Come, sit down."

Fate allowed herself to be led to the chair. She was truly too tired to protest. She was ready to admit defeat, she should have known better than to try - but the music was still there, so close to her grasp! She leaned her head back with a groan.

"Do you want champagne?" Nanoha asked.

Fate laughed faintly. "Isn't it morning?"

"Yes, but for you, it's well past time for bed. You've been at this three days Fate - you can't keep this up." Nanoha said reasonably, trying to hide her own deep fear.

"I can't stop now, Nanoha. Not yet," Fate said frantically. "I've been trying so hard to seize the music I think I have it, and then it's gone." She dropped her head into both hands. "Perhaps I just can't do it anymore. Perhaps I am the fool."

Nanoha couldn't bear to hear the defeat in her voice. She had already lost so much!

"Fate, you're tired, you're driving yourself. Have something to eat. Rest a while. It will come."

Fate shook her head.

"I can't. If I sleep now, I may lose it all."

She was riding the thin edge of control, besieged with uncertainty, exhausted, and nearly broken.

Nanoha couldn't stand by and watch her suffer any longer.

"Fate," she said softly,

Sliding on to the broad arm of the chair, encircling Fate's shoulder with one protective arm.

"You can't lose it. Its part of you the music _is_ you. I know that much from hearing you play."

She slipped a hand into Fate's thick hair, massaging the cramped muscles in her neck. Fate groaned, leaning her head back into Nanoha's hands.

"That's not fair, but it feels so good," she murmured.

"Close your eyes," Nanoha whispered, a catch in her throat.

"Just for a second," Fate relented. She was so very tired!

Nanoha kept Fate in her arms long after she finally gave in to sleep. Gently, Nanoha pushed the damp hair back from her forehead, wincing at the dark shadows under her eyes. Her skin seemed even paler, if possible. Nanoha felt a fierce desire to safeguard this delicate spirit. She continued to stroke her hair softly as she slept. She drifted, peaceful for the first time in days, with Fate secure in her arms.

When Fate stirred some time later, she became aware of Nanoha's body pressed to hers. Fate's cheek rested against Nanoha's shoulder, and one arm encircled Nanoha's firm waist. The heat from Nanoha's body surprised her. She hadn't known the closeness of another human being, nor wanted it, for more years than she could remember. Nanoha's nearness stirred memories, in her body and her mind, that she would rather leave buried. She knew she must move away; she was beginning to respond in ways she could not control. Some awakening need, however, cried out for Nanoha's touch.

"Are you awake?" Nanoha queried softly,

Absently sliding her hand down Fate's neck to rest her fingers lightly against the soft skin left bare by the open collar of Fate's shirt. She attributed the fine shiver that coursed through Fate's frame to her lingering fatigue.

"Fate?"

"Mmm," Fate murmured,

Struggling to hide her erratic breathing. All of her consciousness seemed to be focused on the spot where Nanoha's hand lay.

"My headache is gone, and the music is still there."

She didn't add that Nanoha's nearness was making it difficult to concentrate on the distant melody. For some reason it didn't seem quite as urgent right now. She even began to dare hope that the notes would not desert her.

"Ah," Nanoha smiled. "Some breakfast then, and that champagne."

"I want to work," Fate protested, struggling to rise.

Nanoha stilled her with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"_After_ breakfast!"

Fate shifted in the wide chair so that she was facing Nanoha, her expression revealing her frustration. Nanoha longed to smooth the wrinkles from her brow, but now that Fate was awake she was hesitant to touch her. Instead, she regarded her silently, surprised by the emotions just the sight of her stirred.

"What is it?" Fate asked at length, aware of the scrutiny.

"You have the most beautiful eyes," Nanoha whispered.

Fate blushed faintly. "The scar," she began hesitantly, "is it very bad?"

Nanoha traced the scar with her finger, at last giving in to her urge to stroke the lovely face.

"No. I hardly think of it except that it reminds me of how much you've been hurt. Then all I want is to undo those hurts. I would give anything to change what happened to you," she finished softly.

"Why?"

"I don't know, Fate," she answered,

Moved to honesty by the quiet intimacy they shared.

"I only know that when I look at you, I want to know you who you are, what you feel, what makes you happy and I know that more than anything else; I don't want you to hurt." She laughed rather shakily. "I don't quite understand it, but I can tell you I feel it."

Nanoha's passionate admission moved Fate profoundly. She could not doubt her sincerity; she could hear the tears in her voice. Suddenly she was awash with conflicting needs. She could no longer ignore her intense response to Nanoha's touch; her legs were shaking and the blood pounded insistently through her pelvis. This was desire, and that very fact was frightening. Fate drew away slightly, her face once again expressionless.

"You are a very kind woman," she said softly.

Nanoha stared at her in confusion. _Kindness?_ Whatever she felt for this woman, it was much more than kindness! She sensed Fate's withdrawal, just as she had that day in the garden. To be so close to her, and in the next moment to have that connection wrenched away, left her with an aching hollowness that was hard to endure.

"If I eat now, will you let me get back to work?" Fate asked, moving away.

"Of course," Nanoha answered bleakly.

* * *

**A/N:** Sweetness Overload hehehe… Sorry for being late guys, my internet were down for three days!... Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Ten**

Lindy approached the study with some trepidation the next morning. Nanoha had been subdued the entire previous day after speaking with Fate. Her only comment had been,

"She slept a bit and she said she would eat. If she doesn't, call me."

Nanoha had taken herself off to the gardens then and worked ferociously all day. When she finally appeared in the kitchen well after dark, she sank into the chair, eyes already half-closed. Lindy had to assure her that Fate's breakfast tray had come back empty before she could get her to eat anything herself. When Nanoha dragged herself off to bed, Lindy thought sure she saw tears on her cheeks. Lindy was beginning to despair that both of them would make themselves sick. _Well, something surely has to be done_! she thought to herself as she wrapped soundly on Fate's door.

"Come."

Fate was standing at the open French doors, obviously weary, but smiling. Lindy smiled with relief.

"How are you, my dear girl?"

"I've finished, Lindy – it's only a variation, but I've finished," she said with a note of wonder. "The first real work I've done in years!"

"Oh, I'm so glad!"

Fate's expression darkened.

"Yes, well I can't be sure it's any good. I never gave it any thought before. I never questioned my music, never! God, what arrogance to think I dare to compose anything now! Music, above all else, must be alive! How can I create anything that lives, while I, I merely exist."

"Oh, but Fate, you _are_ alive!"

"Am I? I've forgotten what it means to care about anything, Lindy about you, about myself, about- anyone. The sun doesn't warm me, the salt air no longer stings, the touch of another's hand"

Her voice faltered and she turned away.

"My body has become my prison, as surely as my blindness is my jailer! How can these hands make music, when I am captive in this solitude!"

Lindy responded instinctively to Fate's distress, sensing rather than knowing what tormented her. Fate never complained of loneliness before there was someone to remind her of another's companionship.

"It's Nanoha, isn't it? Something has happened."

Fate stiffened, her face inscrutable.

"No, nothing," she said sharply. "She pities me because she is kind. That's all."

Lindy shook her head.

"She is kind, you are right in that. But pity you she does not. She is too strong a woman herself to expect that you would need her pity."

"She doesn't know me," Fate said bitterly.

"Then let her know you! You mistake caring for pity, Fate. Let her care about you!"

"No. That is not possible," Fate responded angrily. "For god's sake, Lindy. You of all people should know that! Have you forgotten who I am? Or have you merely forgotten what happens when I allow someone to care? Would you wish that for me again?"

Lindy shuddered at the angry words, crying,

"How can I forget what love cost you, Fate? I see the cost every time I look at you! But it need not always be that way!"

"Perhaps for me, it does," Fate said faintly,

Exhausted by too many assaults on her body and her soul.

"Perhaps for me there is no other way."

Lindy recognized the resignation in her face and wondered if it wasn't too late after all for Fate Testarossa to find peace.

* * *

It was another two days before Nanoha saw Fate again. They were two interminable days spent trying not to wonder and worry about her difficult employer. Two days in which she tried to concentrate on her own life, only to find that Testarossa Manor, and its compelling master, had become a large part of her life. When Fate joined Nanoha on the terrace early one warm afternoon, Fate greeted her cordially, but with obvious distance. To Nanoha's deep regret, the woman who had walked among the flowers with Nanoha was gone. Nanoha sensed there would be no discussion of how she had passed her time or her plans for Testarossa Manor's renovation, or Fate's observations on the progress of the gardens. Fate Testarossa was as reserved, aloof, and unapproachable as she had been the day they met. Nanoha keenly missed the small intimacies they had come to share, aware only now of how much those moments with Fate had come to mean to her. Struggling with the crushing disappointment, she tried to accept that Fate wanted nothing more from her than simple secretarial assistance.

"There is a letter here for you," Nanoha said perfunctorily. "Would you like me to read it to you?"

Fate nodded, her attention obviously elsewhere. With a sigh, Nanoha removed several pages of lilac-colored paper, covered in script. She began to read aloud:

_My darling Fate, _

_Forgive me for not writing all this time, but you never seemed to want to hear from me. I've called many times, wishing to visit, but Lindy always told me you would not see me. All these years you have never left my mind, even though I doubt you will believe that. _

Nanoha faltered to a halt, uncomfortable with the intimate tone of the message.

"This is very personal, Fate. Perhaps Lindy should read it to you."

"Finish it," Fate ordered grimly,

Rising so quickly that her chair toppled to the flagstone surface of the patio. Muttering an oath, she righted it and began pacing along the edge of the balcony. Reluctantly, Nanoha continued to read from the perfume scented letter:

_Griffith must be in Boston for business and will have little need of my company. I know that after so many years it is bold of me to ask, but I want to see you so! I would love to see Testarossa Manor again, too. I will be arriving on June 6. Please, darling, say that I may come! I have missed you more than you will ever know! _

_Until then, Shari _

Fate remained silent, her hands clenched into tight fists against the stone railing. From where she was sitting, Nanoha could see her tremble.

"Fate?" she questioned softly, frightened by her reaction.

"Today is the fifth of June, isn't it?" Fate asked at length, her voice barely a whisper.

She kept her face averted, struggling to control her emotions.

"Yes."

Fate turned abruptly, her eyes bleak. She clenched the head of her walking stick so tightly that the fine tendons in her hand strained against the skin. With an effort she forced her voice to be calm.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to finish the rest of the correspondence another day."

She had clearly been dismissed, and Nanoha struggled not to call out to her as Fate left. Fate had made it clear that her concern was not wanted. Nevertheless, Nanoha could not put the disturbing letter, nor the mysterious Shari, from her mind.

* * *

Nanoha spent a restless night, her sleep broken by half-formed dreams. She awoke still tired, with a strange sense of foreboding. As much as she tried to put the infuriating Fate Testarossa from her mind, she couldn't. She looked for her at the cliffs edge each morning when she woke; she waited for the time when Fate would push open the doors to her study, affording Nanoha a glimpse of her; she listened for her footsteps in the hall at night, unable to sleep until Fate retired. She could no more ignore the letter and its affect on Fate than she could ignore her own heartbeat. Whether Fate welcomed it or not, Nanoha could not seem to stop caring about her. She dressed hurriedly and went to find Lindy.

"Good morning," Lindy greeted her.

"Who is Shari?" Nanoha demanded, too stressed for diplomacy.

Lindy looked shocked.

"Why, she's just someone Fate knew a long time ago."

"Well," Nanoha announced grimly, "she's coming here today."

"_What?_ How do you know?" Lindy cried in alarm.

This could only mean more trouble for all of them, and goodness only knew what it was going to do to Fate.

"Are you sure?"

"A letter came from her yesterday."

"I see," Lindy frowned, speaking almost to herself. "Now I understand why Fate was so out of sorts last evening."

"Well, I don't." Nanoha seethed. "What is going on? And don't give me that old friend routine. Fate looked like she'd seen a ghost yesterday when that letter came."

"Well," Lindy began carefully, "they _are_ old friends, and they haven't seen each other in years. I imagine Fate was just surprised."

"Lindy" Nanoha said threateningly.

She knew the difference between surprise and shock.

"I know this is Fate's private affair, but I saw what that letter did to her. You know better than I what she's been through this week. How much more do you think she can take? Please, I just want to help."

Lindy realized it wasn't fair not to explain at least as much as she could, although there were some things only Fate could disclose. She motioned for Nanoha to sit down beside her as she poured them both some coffee. Lindy spoke softly, her memories taking her back to a time so different and a Fate Testarossa, Nanoha would scarcely recognize.

"They met at music school, although Shari was quite a bit younger. For a number of years they were inseparable. They were tumultuous years for Fate. She was at the peak of her career and consumed with it. When she toured those last few years, Shari traveled with her. I think Shari resented Fate's music; it took so much of Fate's attention. And Shari was the kind of girl who was used to attention. She was always trying to drag Fate off to some party, but Fate never let anything, or anyone, come between her and her music. Believe me; they had some pretty big rows about that. Still Shari came closer to distracting Fate than anyone could. Fate was infatuated with her, in some way, and she tried very hard to balance her career and her friendship with Shari. Don't get me wrong, Shari could be very charming; and I think she genuinely cared for Fate. Still, there were some pretty nasty scenes toward the end. They were together the night of the accident."

"What happened?" Nanoha asked, forcing her voice to be calm.

Something in her rebelled at the thought of anyone having that kind of influence over Fate. Especially not a woman who was determined to see Fate that day. Lindy shook her head sadly.

"No one knows for sure. Fate has never spoken of it to anyone. They were on their way home from a post-performance reception for Fate. It was rumored they had fought at the party. When they found the car"

Lindy stopped for a second, gathering herself. That horrible night still seemed like yesterday.

"The car was in a ditch." Lindy continued. "It had rolled over. It took them a long time to get them out. Fate's body was covering Shari's. Fate's leg was crushed and she had a severe head injury. Shari was badly bruised, but otherwise untouched. They kept Shari in the hospital for a few day, and as soon as she was released, she left the area. We were all so concerned about Fate, we didn't hear until later that Shari had married within the year Griffith Lowran, an attorney who worked for Gil Graham. Fate asked for her soon after she regained consciousness. When we told her that Shari was alive and married, she never mentioned her again." Lindy stopped. "I'm sorry, that's truly all I know. Fate never talked about any of it, and I couldn't bring myself to remind her of it."

"Poor Fate," Nanoha whispered, shaken by the story.

Whatever their relationship had been, Fate had obviously cared deeply for Shari. Was there no end to the losses she had suffered that tragic night?

"I don't know how she's going to be, seeing Shari again," Lindy said worriedly.

Nanoha wondered just how much power Shari still had over Fate, and exactly how she intended to use it.

* * *

Nanoha was on her knees in the rhododendrons when a sleek black Jaguar pulled up the drive. An attractive brownhead slid from the car, the hem of her expensive dress pulling up to reveal shapely legs. The woman glanced about and spied Nanoha. She walked toward her, looking puzzled.

"Hello," she said, studying Nanoha curiously. "Where did you come from? Should I remember you?"

Nanoha stood, uncomfortable under the woman's appraising gaze. She wiped the dust from her hands as she said,

"No, I've only been here a few months."

"Do you mean to say you _live _here?"

"Yes, I do," Nanoha replied stiffly. "I'm Nanoha Takamachi."

"Shario Finieno - Lowran."

After slight hesitation, the woman offered a soft and well manicured hand. Nanoha was acutely aware of the calluses on her own palm. Nanoha regarded the haughty woman before her, trying not to dislike her. After all, they had only just met. The visitor surveyed her critically, then shrugged in dismissal.

"Testarossa Manor looks rather run down. I suppose it could use a caretaker. Poor old Lindy probably can't cope any longer, and Fate wouldn't notice if the house were falling down around her, as long as it didn't fall on the piano."

After a moments pause, she added,

"From what I understand, of course, Fate has no reason to care what it looks like any more."

Nanoha was stunned by the heartless remark. It was inconceivable to her that any one could make light of Fate's injury, especially the woman who had supposedly been so close to Fate. What on earth had Fate found attractive in this shallow, insensitive woman? _Maybe it's the fact that she's exceptionally beautiful_, Nanoha couldn't help thinking, flushed with a possessive anger that only confused her more.

Oblivious to Nanoha's indignation, Shari announced,

"I've come to see Fate. Where is she?"

"I imagine she's in the music room. She usually is this time of day. If you'll give me a moment, I'll take you in."

"Oh, there's no need," Shari laughed, turning toward the house. "I should have known that's where she'd be. I know my way quite well."

Nanoha watched her retreating back, feeling more than a little foolish. After all, this had nothing to do with her. Her mood did not lighten when she entered the kitchen an hour later to find Lindy preparing an elaborate dinner.

"Fate asked that we have dinner in the dining room tonight! I was so surprised; we haven't had a formal meal in there for years. And I've barely had time to prepare!"

She was clearly harried, hurrying to arrange appetizers on a large silver platter while she watched over other items in the oven and on the stove.

"Can I help?" Nanoha asked.

"Oh no dear. This is the most excitement I've had in years!" Lindy laughed. "Of course, in previous years, if Fate were entertaining, I always had help in the kitchen, and a butler to serve! Thank goodness there are only a few of us tonight!"

"I don't think I'll be joining you," Nanoha said.

She didn't think she'd enjoy watching Fate and Shari reminisce, and she didn't think she could tolerate Shari's proprietary attitude.

Lindy stopped what she was doing, taking conscious notice of Nanoha for the first time. She had that tight look around her mouth she got when she was upset, and it didn't take much to think what that might be about.

"Have you met Shari?" Lindy questioned cautiously.

Nanoha was usually calm and good-natured, but she had a temper where things concerned Fate.

"Briefly, in the drive. Is she with Fate?" Nanoha couldn't help but ask, as much as she had promised herself she wouldn't think about them.

"She's waiting for Fate in the library as Fate instructed," Lindy informed her. "Fate specifically asked me to inform you of dinner, my dear. I'm sure she expects you to be there."

"And I don't suppose she would broker any debate," Nanoha sighed in resignation. _Oh well, I can stand it for one meal_, she thought as she left for her room.

Nanoha never would have lingered by the open door if she hadn't caught a glimpse of Fate entering the library. Nanoha stopped in surprise when she saw her. Fate had obviously dressed with care for her meeting with Shari. She was resplendent in a starched, finely-pleated white tuxedo shirt and formal black-striped trousers. A blood red cummerbund encircled her narrow waist; gold and diamond cuff links sparkled on the stiff French cuffs of her sleeves. Her barber must have come, because her usually unruly mane was trimmed and expertly styled. She looked ready for the concert stage, and Nanoha knew she had never seen any one so magnificent. If Nanoha hadn't been so taken by that tantalizing view of the woman she had hitherto only imagined from photographs, she never would have witnessed the scene that would haunt her unmercifully thereafter.

"Fate, darling!" Shari cried as Fate stepped into the room.

Shari rushed forward, one arm outstretched, catching Fate's right hand in hers.

"Oh, my darling, you look even more exquisite than I remembered," she said throatily.

Fate lifted Shari's hand, bowing her head to brush her lips across the soft skin.

"Hello, Shari," she murmured.

Shari slid her other hand into Fate's hair, raising Fate's head.

"Is that any way to greet me after all this time?" she questioned breathlessly.

Not waiting for a reply, she stepped forward and pressed her lips to Fate's. Nanoha turned from the door as Fate pulled Shari firmly into her embrace.

* * *

Nanoha stood staring out her bedroom window, seeing nothing of the view. She kept searching for something to erase the image of Fate's response to Shari's kiss. She kept searching for some way to lessen the terrible desolation the vision produced. She kept asking herself why she felt this way, and she kept running from the answer.

She finally forced herself to perform some normal task. She was after all expected at dinner. She showered and was pulling on one of her fancier blouses when she was surprised by a knock on her door. She finished buttoning hastily as she crossed the room. She was astonished to find Fate standing in the hall. Fate had donned a midnight blue silk dinner jacket. She was more than stunning. Nanoha tried desperately to quell the surge of jealousy, knowing that Shari had prompted this display from Fate. _What in gods name is happening to me?_ she wondered frantically. _I feel like I'm losing my mind!_

"Nanoha?" Fate questioned, surprised by the silence.

"Yes?" Nanoha responded, more abruptly than she had intended.

All she wanted in that moment was to get away from Fate Testarossa and the unsettling emotions she provoked.

"What is it? Do you need something?"

Fate smiled slightly and shook her head. "May I speak with you a moment?"

"Of course," Nanoha replied, becoming alarmed.

Fate had never come to her room before. She stepped aside to allow Fate entry.

"Sit down, please. The chairs are before the fireplace, where they've always been."

Nanoha found Fate's expression impossible to decipher. She waited while Fate made her way without faltering to the seating area. She followed somewhat reluctantly, sitting anxiously in the opposite chair.

"I wanted to tell you myself that Shari will be staying here at Testarossa Manor for some indefinite time," Fate began in a low voice. "Apparently, she is thinking of leaving her husband and needs time to consider her future."

Nanoha's heart lurched, and for once she was glad that Fate couldn't see her face. Shari to stay at Testarossa Manor! As if it weren't perfectly clear what Shari expected her future to be! You only to had to look at the way she looked at Fate to know her intentions. Nanoha was too upset to notice that Fate did not appear overly happy with her announcement.

"Does this mean that you won't need my services any longer?" Nanoha asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep her voice from shaking.

Nanoha's mind recoiled from the thought of leaving Testarossa Manor. This was her life!

Fate sat forward in alarm.

"Good god, no! Why ever would you think that? You belong here at Testarossa Manor, and I would want you to stay as long as you are happy here. I merely wanted to tell you about Shari myself, so you wouldn't be surprised at dinner."

She couldn't believe that Nanoha would imagine she wanted her to leave. That thought was the farthest thing from her mind. In fact, it was unthinkable.

"Nanoha, please don't be upset. It wasn't my intention to concern you. This has been a difficult day for me. I'm sorry."

For the first time, Nanoha noticed the tremor in Fate's hands. Her resolve to distance herself from Fate disappeared as soon as she recognized Fate's distress. She was helpless in the face of Fate's need. She simply couldn't bear to see her like this. Grasping Fate's hand, she said softly,

"It's all right. Please don't worry about me."

Fate held Nanoha's hand for a moment, her head bowed. Abruptly she rose and began pacing.

"I couldn't turn her away, Nanoha. Not after, after all we'd been to each other."

She sighed, knowing her words were inadequate. How could she begin to explain what she could barely grasp herself? When she heard Shari's letter the day before, she had been plunged instantly back into that dark night, into the twisted wreckage of her car. Her last memory was of Shari trying to escape from her. She had imagined Shari's return so many times, dreamed of Shari telling her it was all a nightmare, that she had come home. Month after torturous month she had waited in the silent darkness of her room, listening for the quick footfalls in the hall that signaled Shari's arrival. More than a year had passed before she would believe that Shari was truly gone. The day she accepted that was the day she accepted her blindness, and the knowledge that the music had abandoned her as well. In an instant her life was devoid of everything that had given it meaning. She had neither the hope nor the desire to fill the emptiness with anything, or anyone, else. And so she had accepted her fate without protest, allowing time to pass unnoticed. These last few months since Nanoha's arrival were her only clear moments in the long torturous years since her world had shattered. Only the fragrance of the flowers, and the memory of Nanoha's hand on her arm as they strolled through the gardens, brought a faint smile to her lips.

She had felt only confusion when she thought of confronting Shari, instead of the celebration she imagined she should experience. She spent the previous night awake, leaving the chair where she passed the evening hours to walk through the gardens before dawn. When she felt the first warmth of the suns rays on her skin she returned to the house for her preparations.

It was important to her that Shari see her as she had once been, not as the shell of a being she had become. Pity from anyone was intolerable, but it would be devastating from the one woman who had claimed to have loved her. It seemed from Shari's greeting that she had succeeded in that at least. Shari's kiss still lingered on her lips, and the words that followed were still fresh in her mind.

"I've missed that so much," Shari whispered against her neck. "You were the only one who ever made me feel so alive."

It had seemed the most natural thing in the world to take Shari into her arms, to bend her head to the lips she knew so well, to hear the soft intake of breath she remembered with startling clarity. Shari stirred against her as she had a thousand times before, softly moaning her name. Nothing had changed, and everything was different. Fate saw them together in her mind's eye, but her body remained untouched. Whereas once the mere stroke of Shari's fingers against her skin could make her heart race, now she felt no surging of her blood, no flaring of her senses, no answering passion. Gently, she loosed her hold on the woman in her arms, stepping back from her embrace.

Shari had always been able to read Fate's mercurial moods.

"You don't believe I've missed you, do you, darling?"

"Perhaps if it had been a year, or two, or even ten," Fate replied without anger, for strangely she felt none, "I might have."

Shari slowly traced the faint scar across Fate's forehead, then reached up to kiss her lips once more.

"Give me time. I'll make you believe again," she whispered.

Fate shook her head, in disbelief then, in wordless frustration now. She new Nanoha was waiting.

"I'm sorry, Nanoha. I wish I could explain. There's simply nothing I can say."

"That's all right," Nanoha said stiffly. "You don't need to say anything. She is clearly important to you, and it certainly isn't necessary to justify yourself to me."

She knew she sounded cold, but she couldn't help it. She wasn't even certain what bothered her so much about Shari's return. If Shari could ease Fate's deep desolation, if she could restore some happiness to Fate's life, Nanoha should be grateful. Of course, Nanoha wanted to see Fate happy. Oh, it was all too much to deal with, this whole nightmare of a week! Why was it that the very things that seemed to ease Fate's discomfort - her physical reserve, her emotional distance, and now Shari's presence - were the same things that made Nanoha so miserable!

"I'll be down for dinner, Fate," Nanoha said wearily.

Fate started to speak, then merely sighed. "Yes."

* * *

**A/N:** Feelings overload for Nanoha hehehe… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Eleven **

Nanoha was the first to arrive in the dining room. The long highly polished table was elaborately set with starched handmade linens, antique silver cutlery, fine crystal glassware and china place settings. The formality of the scene was more than a little daunting. Nanoha reminded herself that there had been much more to Fate's previous life than she had gleaned from the newspaper accounts. The understated way Fate lived at Testarossa Manor now was a far departure from her earlier life. She was a world-renowned artist, recognized in every civilized country, and surely she would have traveled in the most elite circles. She would have been feted at every turn. It made Nanoha wistful to think she would never know that part of Fate.

Angrily she reminded herself that Fate Testarossa obviously had all the companionship she needed with the arrival of Shari. Whatever diversion Nanoha had provided was surely unnecessary now. The only person who would miss their moments together was herself. She felt at once helpless and irrationally saddened.

"My, don't you look nice!"

Lindy exclaimed as she bustled into the room, mercifully delivering Nanoha from her introspection.

"Lindy!" Nanoha greeted her with relief. "You must have been working for hours in here! It's wonderful."

Lindy beamed with pleasure as she began setting up the large buffet along one side of the room.

"You're right, it did! And it couldn't have been a happier chore. For just a moment there this morning, when she was telling me what she wanted done, Fate seemed like her old self."

Lindy had no idea that her words had wounded Nanoha, who instantly thought that all it had taken to motivate Fate's recovery was Shari's return. Lindy continued, unaware of Nanoha's growing depression.

"I do wish she would let me serve, though! She insisted that I prepare a buffet, and that I eat with you, but it just doesn't seem right! If only I had time I could have found help!"

"I don't have much experience, but I could probably manage the serving," Nanoha said dubiously.

In her state of mind, anything seemed preferable to sitting down to dinner with Fate and Shari.

"Nonsense," Fate said from the door, having heard Nanoha's remark. "I'm sure we can all manage ourselves just this once, Lindy."

Nanoha turned at the sound of Fate's voice, her heart freezing at the sight of Fate and Shari together. Shari, who had changed into a revealing black evening dress, stood with her arm wrapped through Fate's, leaning slightly so that her body pressed against Fate's side. They made a stunningly attractive couple, and Nanoha had to admit that's what they were. There was a connection between them that was undeniable, regardless of the years that had separated them. Shari held onto Fate as if she owned her, and Fate seemed content to let her. Nanoha averted her gaze, unable to tolerate the insurmountable evidence that Fate was still very much involved with Shari.

"At least let me help you set up," she said to Lindy, grateful for any diversion.

"Thank you, dear," Lindy replied kindly.

Nanoha's reaction to Fate's entrance had not escaped her. She could only imagine what the poor girl was thinking. And she probably didn't know Fate well enough to know that Fate was behaving exactly as she would with any guest at Testarossa Manor.

"You really didn't need to open the guest room for me, Lindy,"

Shari commented as she allowed Fate to seat her to Fate's right at the table. She smiled without the slightest trace of warmth, her gaze fixed on Nanoha.

"It wasn't necessary, you know."

Nanoha glanced at Fate, whose face remained expressionless. But Shari had made her point, if she wanted to make it clear where she intended to sleep. Why she felt it necessary that Nanoha understand her claim on Fate, Nanoha couldn't imagine. As if it would make a difference even if Nanoha _did_ care. Nanoha gritted her teeth and resolved to make this the last meal she shared with Fate Testarossa and her Shari.

The dinner proved to be every bit as difficult to endure as Nanoha feared. Fate, although attentive to Shari's needs and unfailingly courteous, remained distant and distracted throughout the meal. Shari appeared not to notice Fate's preoccupation, regaling them with social gossip and endless anecdotes of her travels. It did not escape Nanoha's notice that Shari never mentioned anything remotely to do with music. For her part, Nanoha had nothing to contribute, and remained silent. She breathed a sigh of relief when at last she could depart with the excuse of helping Lindy clear the table.

"You know you don't have to do this, dear,"

Lindy chided when Nanoha joined her in the kitchen.

"But I do appreciate it."

"I work here, too,"

Nanoha said, more sharply than she intended.

"Believe me, it's a pleasure compared to sitting in there."

Lindy studied her speculatively.

"I gather the company wasn't to your liking," she commented mildly.

"It was wonderful to finally share a meal with Fate," Nanoha admitted.

Nanoha had enjoyed Fate's presence immensely, despite Fate's obvious distraction. She only wished it hadn't required Shari's arrival to prompt Fate to join them.

"Shari can be a bit overbearing, but you must remember she's always been indulged by every one."

"Including Fate apparently," Nanoha said ungraciously.

She sighed in disgust, as much with herself as the situation.

"Oh, I don't know, Lindy, it just annoys me the way she hovers over Fate. She poured her wine; she served her food - the next thing you know she'll be cutting her meat! You know very well Fate doesn't need that kind of help!"

"Maybe that's the only kind of help Shari has to offer," Lindy suggested sagely.

Nanoha stopped what she was doing and stared at Lindy.

"What are you saying, Lindy?"

"Shari has always been more glitter than substance. And Fate has always demanded a great deal from people - even before their accident, Shari was frightened by Fate's intensity. If she were to truly confront Fate's needs now, she would be overwhelmed."

_Well, she certainly seems to be meeting some of Fate's needs without any problems_! Nanoha thought angrily. She knew she couldn't discuss Shari rationally, not with the scene in the library so fresh in her memory.

"I don't know what I'm saying any longer," Nanoha said wearily. "I think I just need to get some rest. I'm going to say goodnight to Fate and head upstairs."

She found Fate and Shari just rising from the table upon her return. Before she could say her goodnights, Shari spoke, seemingly oblivious to Nanoha's presence.

"Why don't you play something for me, darling?" she asked, grasping Fate's hand.

Fate could have been carved from marble, she was so still. Slowly, she disengaged Shari's fingers from hers, moving Shari's hand to the crook of her arm. When she spoke, her voice was carefully neutral.

"I think not. I need to work."

"Surely you're not going to work tonight!" Shari protested, her cheeks flushed with ire.

"Yes," Fate replied with finality.

For an instant Nanoha thought Shari was about to argue, but the other woman quickly relented.

"All right, if you must. But do promise me you'll breakfast with me!"

Fate nodded.

"Of course. Now let me show you to your room."

As she led Shari from the room, she said softly,

"Goodnight, Nanoha."

* * *

For Nanoha it was anything but a good night. She tried to read, but she couldn't concentrate. She dozed off in her chair, only to be awakened by a noise in the hall. She knew Fate's step by now. The person passing by her door toward the master suite was not Fate Testarossa.

There was no doubt, of course, about what she had witnessed earlier in the library. It was clear from what Lindy had said and from what she herself had witnessed, that Fate and Shari had been lovers before their accident. It seemed apparent that they were about to resume that relationship now. Fate obviously had never stopped loving Shari that was the real reason she had secluded herself for so many long and lonely years.

Nanoha wasn't disturbed by the physical nature of their relationship, but she was stunned by her own response to that kiss. She couldn't bear to think of Fate making love to Shari. That reaction was something she had no reference for, and she was at a loss as to how to cope. She told herself she should be happy that Fate had a chance at happiness, but what she felt instead was a deep sense of loss. Nanoha's emotions were in turmoil. One thing she knew for certain she could not face them together in the morning!

After a fitful few hours of tossing and turning, she rose just before dawn, dressed by the last of the moonlight, and went out for a walk. Unconsciously she followed the path Fate took each morning down the steep slope to the edge of the cliff. She stood where she had seen Fate stand. Nanoha closed her eyes and tried to imagine what it was that drew Fate to this lonely precipice. After a moment, she thought she knew. Waves crashed below with a deafening roar, sending needles of spray hundreds of feet up the cliff. The air was so sharp it stung her skin. The wind blew harder here, fresh from over the water, carrying the rich scent of sea life. It was much colder there as well. This would be the first place at Testarossa Manor where the morning sun would fall. Condensed in this one spot, in the dark just before dawn, ones senses were so assaulted, you did not need to see to know the essence of the world around you. For a brief instant each day, on the edge of this cliff, Fate Testarossa was not blind.

Nanoha leaned against the crumbling stone wall that rimmed the cliff and cried. She cried for Fate, for all she had been, and all she had lost. She cried for herself, because she loved her, and would never know her. She cried for the years she had spent not knowing herself, only to discover too late what form her love truly took. As she cried the harsh wind dried her tears. When the first faint wisps of summer sunlight flickered across her cheeks, she opened her eyes to a day that dawned clearer, and lonelier, than any she had ever known. She sat on a worn weathered bench to watch the sunrise, and that's where Fate found her.

"Nanoha?" came the deep voice she could never mistake for another's.

Nanoha looked up to find Fate beside her, in the same clothes she had worn to dinner, rumpled and exhausted.

"How do you always know?" she asked quietly.

Fate smiled faintly.

"The air moves differently when you're near."

"You should have been a poet, not a pianist,"

Nanoha breathed around the tears that threatened again.

"Although maybe there isn't any difference. Please, sit down."

Fate acquiesced, stretching her long legs out before her, leaning back with a sigh. Her hand lightly grazed Nanoha's shoulder where she rested it along the top of the bench.

"How is your work coming?"

Nanoha asked, unsettled by Fate's nearness, but loath to move away. Fate shrugged tiredly.

"I wish I knew. I'm trying only to capture the essence of what I'm hearing. I don't dare analyze it yet. I'm afraid to discover it is trash."

"Have you slept?"

"Ah, Nanoha - always so concerned. Why do you care?" she asked not unkindly.

Nanoha's caring confounded her. Many people in her life had professed to care about her, but only Lindy remained, and she had loved Fate all her life. Why a stranger should extend kindness now, when she was bereft of all her talents, she could not comprehend.

"Because I -"

Nanoha hesitated over words she was not prepared to face.

"Because you deserve to be cared about Fate. And you're avoiding my question. Did you sleep?"

"As much as one can in one of those godforsaken chairs from the last century," Fate admitted. "Nanoha," she continued with a weary sigh, "tell me about something you love. Tell me about something beyond my view."

As Nanoha spoke, Fate's tension ebbed, and her breathing grew quiet and deep. Nanoha told of her favorite cities, the movies that made her cry, and the books she had read a dozen times. She talked of her family, and her friends, and her dreams. She talked long after she thought Fate was asleep, because she wanted to keep her near, because it pleased her to imagine that some part of Fate heard her secrets. When at last she fell silent, the day was fully born.

"So," Fate murmured, to Nanoha's surprise awake after all, "You love New York City, French movies with subtitles, wild flowers, and - what else?"

_I love you_, she answered from her soul. "Testarossa Manor -" Nanoha whispered with an ache in her heart, "I love Testarossa Manor."

"Yes," Fate uttered as she pushed herself upright. "I can tell that you do." She frowned as she turned her gaze toward the old house. "Is it seven-thirty yet?"

"Seven-twenty," Nanoha confirmed.

"I must say good bye then. I have a breakfast engagement."

Nanoha spoke without thinking.

"Surely Shari will understand if you get some sleep! You've been up all night!"

"I'm afraid that Shari never had any patience when my work disrupted her plans," Fate remarked calmly. "I'm sure that's one thing that hasn't changed."

She leaned to brush her hand along Nanoha's shoulder. "Thank you for these moments of peace, Nanoha. I'll see you at dinner."

With that she was gone, and Nanoha was left with an empty day looming ahead.

* * *

When Nanoha returned from running errands, grateful for any mindless task to divert her thoughts from Fate, she was unreasonably glad to see that Shari's jaguar was no longer parked in the drive. Just the sight of it was unsettling. Instead, the familiar truck bearing the logo _Women works_ was parked in its place. Hayate Yagami and her two-woman crew were the landscapers she had hired for the heavy clearing and hauling that needed to be done. She not only liked their work, she liked the women. They were working full-time at Testarossa Manor now, and Nanoha planned on keeping them on part-time after the summer. They were fast, efficient and friendly. And most importantly, they seemed to appreciate Fate's special circumstances. It was impossible to tell when Fate might take it upon herself to stroll down one of the many garden paths, or decide that she wanted something from the kitchen garden. After Fate's mishaps with her own carelessness, and the near disaster with the painter, Nanoha was always worried. Without Nanoha watching over them, these women were meticulous with their tools and careful to clean up after themselves.

Nanoha noticed Fate and Hayate deep in conversation as she rounded the corner from the drive. Fate, leaning one hip against the balustrade in her familiar stance, hands in pockets, smiled down at Hayate who stood several steps below her on the walk. Hayate looked tanned, fit, and if the expression on her face was any indication, quite taken with the master of Testarossa Manor. Hayate and the women on her crew made it no secret that they were lesbians, and it certainly hadn't mattered one way or the other to Nanoha until now. If Hayate wasn't looking at Fate with something very close to lust in her eyes, Nanoha was sadly mistaken.

The low-pitched murmur of Fate's sonorous voice reached her, and as always, Nanoha was stirred by it. Seeing Fate and Hayate together, as innocent as it surely was, made Nanoha realize how much Fate's physical presence affected her. She had thought her strikingly handsome from the first night they met. She found herself captivated by the delicacy and sinewy strength of Fate's hands as she sketched a phrase in the air. The wind blowing Fate's hair into disarray always left Nanoha wanting to brush the locks off her forehead. And she could scarcely look into Fate's fathomless dark eyes without feeling something twist deep within her.

She nearly gasped as all the images which were Fate cascaded through her and left her unmistakably wanting her. In that instant, she understood fully her aversion to Shari. It was knowing that Fate had once loved her perhaps did still and the fact that Fate touched her with love. Anger raged within her when she thought of Fate wasting her precious passion on someone who did not cherish it - on someone who had abandoned her when Fate's need was greatest. Nanoha understood with sudden startling clarity exactly what she wanted Fate's passion, in all its forms, for herself. The insight was so undeniable that it left her staggered. She couldn't question her desire, her body ached with it.

She turned away from the women in the garden. Her reaction to the sight of Hayate and Fate together followed too closely on the heels of Shari's arrival. She seemed to be assaulted at every turn with her longing for Fate, and the impossibility of her desire. Foolishly, she had allowed herself to believe that Fate felt something of the connection she herself could not deny each time she saw her, or heard her step in the hall, or her music in the air. She should have known that for a woman of Fate's intensity and unrelenting passion, her love for Shari would be inextinguishable.

Nanoha fled into the house, desperately trying to escape her own heart. She stood unpacking groceries, her mind strangely blank when a short rap on the door interrupted her.

"Hey!" Hayate said as she pushed open the door. "I thought I saw you drive up can I talk to you a sec?"

Nanoha nodded distractedly. "Sure."

"You're getting a lot of soil erosion on the edges of the paths - especially on the back slopes. What do you think about putting in some ground cover along there? Its labor intensive to do the planting, but in the end it will preserve the area," Hayate stated.

She looked at Nanoha curiously when she didn't answer.

"Nanoha? You okay?"

Nanoha forced herself to focus.

"Yes, sure ground cover? I had noticed that but there's so much around here that needs attention, it just slipped my mind. Did you speak to Fate?"

Hayate looked surprised.

"No, why would I? You hired me. You make the decisions."

"I just thought I saw you talking to Fate when I came home" her voice trailed off uncertainly. God, she was a mess!

"Oh, that was just small talk. I ran into her out back, she asked me how things were going. She's always so_ charming_, you know? Every woman in my crew has a crush on her!" she said with a laugh.

"Including you?" Nanoha asked, trying to match Hayate's light tone.

Hayate studied Nanoha carefully. She looked shaken and pale.

"Oh hell is that what you're thinking? I have a lover I'm nuts about, and we've got two great kids. Fate is fascinating, not to mention gorgeous, and I _do_ think she's incredibly attractive but looking is as far it goes with me."

Nanoha busied herself with unpacking, avoiding Hayate's intense gaze.

"It's none of my business anyway. I didn't mean to put you on the spot."

"I assumed you two were lovers," Hayate said, a question in her voice.

"No,"

Nanoha whispered almost to herself. Taking a deep breath, she turned to Hayate.

"Why did you think that?"

"I could be on dangerous ground here - lots of room to offend if I'm wrong." Hayate shrugged, flashing her trademark grin. "But what the hell. After twenty years of seeing women in all stages of togetherness, you get a sense for it. It's the way you _are_ around each other. Your face lights up whenever she appears. Your eyes follow her whenever she's in sight. I know damn well it kills you every time she heads down that goddamned slope to the cliff. I can tell you stop breathing. It takes more guts than I've got to watch her do that without screaming."

"Fate doesn't leave you any choice," Nanoha murmured, "she doesn't know how to be anything but proud."

Hayate nodded. "I've never met anyone like her. She listens for you, you know. In the middle of our conversation just now I saw her smile, and her whole body relaxed just a little. Ten seconds later I heard your jeep. She'd been listening for you to come home. She knows how to find you when you're in the garden. She walks right to you. How does she _do_ that?"

"I don't know," Nanoha sighed. "I don't think I know anything about anything anymore."

Hayate considered letting it go, but Nanoha looked so miserable. Fate had seemed pretty frayed too.

"First time you've ever been in love with a woman?" she asked kindly.

Hearing it put so matter of factly gave her pause.

"I've never been in love before," she said after a moment, knowing it was true.

"Sometimes," Hayate continued cautiously, "it's just a false alarm."

Nanoha met Hayate's gaze steadily, a muscle tightening in her jaw.

"No."

Hayate could tell she meant it. And something was really wrong. Nanoha's usually clear blue eyes were clouded with pain, her face was drawn and tired, and she looked on the verge of breaking into tears.

"Does she know how you feel about her?"

Nanoha studied her hands, her cheeks coloring.

"It's not that simple. Fate is - complicated. She was horribly hurt." She took a deep breath, smiling tremulously. "I don't think Fate gives me much thought."

"This is serious, isn't it?" Hayate asked softly.

"Yes."

"I wish I could help" Hayate began.

Nanoha appreciated her sympathy, but she interrupted her with a shake of her head. Even before Shari's arrival, Nanoha noticed a reticence in the way Fate treated her. She was always welcoming and seemed to enjoy Nanoha's company but still there was the distance. Just when Nanoha thought Fate was becoming more comfortable with her, something would cause her to withdraw. Nanoha was never sure what she had said, or what painful memory she had triggered. Often Nanoha's encounters with Fate left her unsettled, and she was slowly becoming aware of an inner void that seemed to deepen each day. With Shari here now, and Fate's apparent attachment to her, there seemed to be little room for Nanoha in Fate's life. She smiled at Hayate ruefully.

"The only one who can help is Fate."

* * *

**A/N:** Nanoha's in turmoil while Fate is avoiding her feelings, how realistic is this nyahaha this happens so often in real life… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	12. Chapter 12

I would like to say **~Thank You~** to the following people: ** 1e, Vylria, phoenixnext, TashiaF, CryingLeo, nanofatehere, Passerby-A, Kura, FujinoT, ann, YuriLover24, megamar, sgtranglin, Religion0, Kuraa ****& the others** for reviewing... I really appreciate them… :p

And a very special thanks to **SapphoSensei** for always helping and teaching me things…

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Twelve**

In the days that followed Nanoha saw little of Fate. She kept to her usual routine, spending time with Lindy in the morning, working on the grounds in the afternoon. Fate had not sent for her, and Nanoha did not seek her out. She saw Fate and Shari together often as they walked about the grounds, or sat together on the terrace in the afternoons. Fate spent every evening, if not the entire night, alone in her study.

Aside from the times Fate denied Shari entry to the music room, Shari was never far from Fate's side, and her possessive attitude was intolerable for Nanoha. Nanoha tried her best to be polite, but the sight of them together, Shari constantly touching Fate in some way, made her irrationally angry. And that made her even more short-tempered. After all, it was none of her concern if Fate Testarossa behaved like a fool around that woman! She began to wonder how much more she could endure. She tried to avoid them as much as possible, even taking her meals with Lindy in the late afternoon, offering excuses as to why she couldn't be present for the now routine dinner gatherings.

The worst parts of her day were the evenings. Although she usually worked until she was physically exhausted, she didn't seem able to sleep. Once it had been a comfort to retire to her rooms, and fall asleep with a book open on her lap. Now even that consolation eluded her. Every time someone passed in the hall she couldn't help thinking it was Shari, on her way to the master suite at the opposite end of the hall. Rationally, she knew there were any number of reasons Lindy, or Shari, or Fate herself might pass in the hall, but she was anything but rational. She was driving herself crazy imaging Shari in Fate's bed!

She threw down the book she had been trying to read for three nights in a row and snatched her denim jacket from the coat rack by her door. Despite the warm early summer days, evenings by the sea were still cool. She needed to walk off her anxiety and deepening sense of despair. Unconsciously, she took the meandering path through the lower slopes of the back property, skirting along the sea wall. Testarossa Manor stood several hundred yards uphill, and with its lights flickering through the trees, it cast a magical shape against the darkening sky. As if to accompany that otherworldly aura, Nanoha caught the strains of a wistful melody floating in the air. She began the steep climb up the wildly overgrown track toward the source. The terrace doors stood open to the darkness of the night, which blended into the blackness inside the music room. Fate was alone, playing.

Nanoha leaned against the balustrade on the far side of the terrace, listening, straining for some glimpse of the woman in the shadows. The melancholy tenor of the music seemed to echo her own internal anguish. She made no effort to stop the tears. She had no idea how long she stood there, joined with Fate in some unnamed longing, when a voice quite near startled her from her reverie.

"She is absolutely magnificent, isn't she?" Shari remarked casually as she joined Nanoha on the terrace.

"Yes," Nanoha said softly.

Having no reason to deny what the entire world had recognized. Only a few of her caliber born each century, one reviewer had said.

"Oh, I wasn't talking about her music," Shari laughed. "But then I'm sure you've noticed what an exquisite specimen she is. You seem to have developed quite an appreciation for all her attributes. Believe me, in her case, her genius extends beyond the piano. She brings that remarkable intensity to absolutely _everything_ she touches. And everyone. Fortunately Fate was too seduced by her music to notice anyone for more than a night or two- before me of course."

She laughed, appraising Nanoha in the dim light of the moon. She found Nanoha naturally lovely, with her work hardened body, feminine yet strong, and her clear eyes and shimmering hair. She was the type Shari had amused herself with over the years since Fate. _Under other circumstances -_ she thought briefly, then reminded herself of her intentions.

"Now you did surprise me at first," she continued mockingly. "I wouldn't have thought you'd find Fate to your tastes, although God knows women of all persuasions used to throw themselves at her. And _living_ here with her - I can imagine that would be a temptation even if women weren't your usual pleasure."

"I was just on my way in," Nanoha said as she made to leave.

She had no intention of allowing Shari to goad her into a discussion of her feelings for Fate. And she was in real danger of doing her bodily harm if she stayed.

"You're no match for the competition, you know," Shari said lightly.

Nanoha stopped abruptly, incensed. "I am not competing with you," she seethed.

Shari laughed, tossing her head in dismissal.

"Perhaps not, although from the way you look at her I think you're deluding yourself. Unfortunately, Fate has no way of knowing what's in your eyes, does she?"

She pushed away from the balcony railing, stepping quite close to Nanoha as she did so. Nanoha could smell her fragrant perfume.

"I wasn't speaking of myself, although knowing Fate, I have no concerns. I'd wager she's much too honorable to take you to her bed just for sport. Although I'm sure you wouldn't take much convincing, would you?"

She ran a finger lightly down Nanoha's arm, laughing again when Nanoha hastily pulled away.

"She is too hopelessly romantic to let old passions fade, and unlike you, I'm not above physical persuasion. Regardless of what she says, her body never lies."

She touched Nanoha's hand ever so lightly as she passed into the night.

"I was speaking of the music, my dear innocent - the music is Fate's true mistress."

With that she was gone, leaving Nanoha to stare after her with a mixture of anger and pity. She had issued some kind of warning, although Nanoha couldn't imagine why she felt it necessary. God only knew, Nanoha was no threat to her claim on Fate's affections. What amazed her was that a woman who had supposedly loved Fate Testarossa for over two decades did not understand what Nanoha realized the moment she heard Fate play. Music was not Fate's mistress, music was Fate's life. To love Fate was to welcome the force that sustained her, even though it threatened to destroy her as she struggled to bring it forth from her soul. Nanoha could no more be jealous of Fate's music than she could be jealous of her indomitable will, or her passionate ardor, or her sensitive spirit. The day the music truly deserted her would be the day her heart ceased to beat. Nanoha prayed for the day the music would flow unbidden from Fate's soul, for then she would be truly healed.

Nanoha glanced once more into the darkened room, imagining Fate absorbed in the sound, comforted by her nearness.

* * *

Fate's music lingered in Nanoha's mind throughout the morning as she occupied herself with outside work. She spent most of the time with contractors and subcontractors and by noon she was ready for a break. She wandered down to the stone bench under the huge sycamore, recalling wistfully the afternoon she and Fate had spent there. She turned from the memory of the brief closeness they had shared. It only made their estrangement harder. She stretched out on the bench in the dappled shade afforded by the overhanging branches, draped one arm over her eyes, and slept.

When she slowly approached consciousness again, she was aware she was not alone. Even without opening her eyes, she sensed her.

"How long have you been here," Nanoha questioned.

Rolling onto her side to study the woman seated on the ground, her back against the bench where Nanoha lay. She looked weary in a way that went beyond fatigue, but the strain belied by a tightness in her fine jaw was absent. She seemed strangely peaceful. Fate turned her head toward Nanoha's voice with a soft smile, a smile that eased the tension from her face. Nanoha's heart turned over at the sight of her vulnerable beauty.

"Not long - an hour, I think," Fate replied.

"What have you been doing?" Nanoha asked tenderly, brushing a stray twig from Fate's blond hair.

Fate shuddered involuntarily at the light touch that strayed unintentionally against her cheek. As often as Shari touched her, nothing she did affected her like this. Fate felt the first tingle of caution even as she warmed to the touch. She must take care where Nanoha was concerned, yet she couldn't seem to do without her company. These last few weeks since Shari's arrival had been doubly hard. She had to contend with Shari's constant demands for her attention, and her persistent attempts to rekindle Fate's ardor. Along with that, Fate had little time to spend with Nanoha. She missed her humor, and her compassion, and her wonderful way of bringing life to Fate's inner vision. Just her quiet, soothing tone brought Fate some semblance of calm. Fate found she even missed Nanoha's undauntable insistence that she sleep, or eat, or get out of the sun - the kind of demand Fate had never accepted of anyone. She had been lonely for a kind of connection she no longer thought she needed. She tried to ignore the growing agitation and discomfort for days, but finally, almost against her will, she had gone in search of her young employee. Finding her asleep, she had been content just to be near her.

"I was listening to you breathe, thinking that the cadence was much like a refrain. Suddenly the music I've been trying to compose began pouring through my mind." Fate said slowly, as if speaking in a dream.

She was amazed at how easily it had come, after all the solitary struggle night after night to no avail, just by sitting quietly with a sleeping woman.

"I've just been here listening," she finished quietly.

Nanoha watched the transformation of Fate's face as she spoke. The tense muscles softened, the fine lines about her eyes and lips relaxed, and suddenly she looked years younger. When Fate sighed and leaned her head back, it took all of Nanoha's control not to guide Fate's head into her lap. She wanted to hold her desperately. Only her fear that Fate would retreat, as she had so often, stilled her hand.

"I'm so happy for you," Nanoha said quietly.

Fate reached for Nanoha's hand, taking her by surprise.

"I believe that you are."

She brushed her lips softly across Nanoha's hand, then laid it gently down. With a sigh, she pushed herself upright. There were issues she needed to attend to, no matter how pleasant her moments here had been.

"I have consented to Shari's desire to give a small dinner party in honor of Lindy's birthday. I would like you to attend," Fate stated flatly.

"Oh Fate, I don't think so! I don't really belong there -" Nanoha said in a rush. She couldn't imagine a worse scenario. Trapped with Shari at some formal affair!

Fate shook her head slightly. "You _do_ belong. Lindy cares for you a great deal, and you are a part of this household. I want you there."

Still Nanoha protested. "I _work_ for you, Fate – I'm not part of your social world."

"I have no social world, Nanoha, " Fate remarked darkly, all semblance of her recent serenity gone. "There will be some family friends, people Lindy has known for years, and some recent acquaintances of Shari. If it weren't for the fact that Lindy has had precious little thanks for the task of looking after Testarossa Manor all this time, I wouldn't hear of it." She ran a hand through her hair, glowering at some distant vision, before she continued wearily, "It will be difficult enough for me - I need you there."

Nanoha could not fathom the reason, but there was little she could do in the face of Fate's direct plea.

"Of course, I'll be there."

Fate nodded. "Good."

Looking as if she were about to leave, she turned abruptly and cast Nanoha a serious look.

"And I'll expect you at dinner from now on, Nanoha. Every night."

Not waiting for a reply, she stepped out from the shadow of the tree, disappearing into the bright sunlight, leaving Nanoha staring after her.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay guys just to make things clear, I am not the one who wrote this story… This story is owned by Radclyffe and I am just sharing it with you… I did change some things like Name of the Manor, Character Names and Character Description to fit into the MSLN universe but I didn't and wouldn't change a thing about this story… I would like to thank everyone for reviewing every time I post a new chapter; it really makes me happy… We are on the half way mark of this novel and the ending is something you guys will definitely love (well I did hehehe)… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Thirteen **

Guests had gathered in the foyer of the ballroom, which had been opened and refurbished under Nanoha's watchful direction all that week. Lindy, as the honoree, was seated on a plush velvet sofa, conversing with friends and sampling the ample hor douerves and champagne. Tuxedo-clad young women moved through the crowd offering food and drink. Nanoha kept one eye on the kitchen, making sure the caterers had every thing they needed, and the other on the grand staircase that flanked the reception area. Even though it was nearly the appointed time for dinner to be served, neither Fate nor Shari had arrived. She was about to signal the maitre d' to begin seating people when a low murmur of excitement rippled throughout the crowd. Nanoha had no doubt of the cause. She looked to the top of the curving marble staircase for confirmation.

Fate and Shari were descending. Shari, her gloved hand resting on the sleeve of Fate's extended arm, was dressed in a low-cut evening gown, accentuating her figure while revealing a good deal of décolletage. Fate was a study in understated elegance in a tuxedo of soft dove gray silk, white tie, white silk brocade vest and tails. Whereas Shari, radiantly beautiful, drew the attention of the majority of those gathered, Nanoha could not take her eyes off Fate. As they reached the bottom stair, Fate handed Shari down into a crowd of well-wishers, obviously friends Shari had acquired since she and Fate parted. Fate moved away, remarking politely to those who stopped to greet her, yet determined to avoid conversation. If you didn't know her, you would not have thought this was her first social gathering since her injury. She looked perfectly composed and entirely in command. Nanoha, who knew differently, could detect the signs of strain from across the room. As unobtrusively as possible, she made her way through the crowd to Fate's side.

"Lindy is sitting on the divan just to the left of the entrance," Nanoha said. "I haven't had a chance to talk with her this evening; there have been so many people I don't know. Perhaps you could see me over and pave the way for me?"

"And perhaps rescue myself from the perilous chore of trying to get from here to there on my own?" Fate asked cynically.

At Nanoha's swift intake of breath, Fate realized she had struck out at the wrong person. Nanoha had offered her a way to preserve her dignity without sacrificing her pride. It had been pride that had gotten her into this situation to begin with. Shari handled the fact of Fate's sightlessness by ignoring it, and had not considered what the evening would demand of Fate. Fate couldn't bring herself to tell Shari she wouldn't be able to manage in such a large gathering without help. Given enough time to familiarize herself with an area, she could accomplish an astounding degree of independence. With the workers in and out of the dining area and ballroom all week, there simply hadn't been the opportunity. Now she could not safely move about on her own. She had no doubt that Shari would have been solicitous of her every need, and by allowing that, Fate would have been diminished in her own eyes, if not that of every person there.

"You are quite astute, Nanoha. You seem to have gleaned the obstacles my infirmity presents," she continued self-mockingly. "It would not do to have me stumbling about."

Nanoha, stressed herself from the pressures of the evening as well as the constant visage of Fate and Shari everywhere she turned, didn't even try to control her anger.

"You are the _least_ infirm person I know," she seethed. "What you are is too damn pig-headed for your own good. _Everyone_ has some kind of need, Fate - once in a while. Are you so self-sufficient that you consider yourself above that?"

Fate's only response was to raise one elegant eyebrow.

"Clearly I have done something to offend you. Whatever that might be, I sincerely apologize. As to the question of my needs, Ms. Takamachi, let me assure you they are not a matter for discussion."

"Then you can find your own damn way across the room!" Nanoha snarled. "I'm too tired to argue you with you when you're in one of these stubborn, insufferably arrogant moods!"

Fate caught Nanoha's hand as Nanoha was about to turn away. Nanoha stared in amazement at the fingers lightly grasping hers. _How on earth does she do that?_

"Now is not the time to discuss my moods or your opinion of them. I don't want to argue with you, nor do I wish to offend you further. I would, however, be honored to escort you to the reception line, and to dinner," Fate continued as if Nanoha hadn't just railed at her in a tone of voice no one else had ever dared use.

Fate offered her arm, trying to hide her tension and her increasing disorientation as people pressed around them. After a moment's hesitation, Nanoha slipped her fingers around Fate's forearm.

"What about Shari?" Nanoha asked as she and Fate made their way through the crowd.

Fate was exquisitely sensitive to the pressure of Nanoha's hand, and had no trouble guiding them through the crowd from the faint cues Nanoha transmitted through her touch. From the first time Nanoha had taken her arm to walk with her through the gardens, there had been that effortless communication. She doubted that Nanoha even realized the extent to which she provided Fate with a sense of her surroundings.

"Shari has never lacked for escorts at these affairs. She'll soon have some young woman - or man - enthralled. You need have no concern about her."

Nanoha wasn't so sure as she caught Shari's angry glance at them from across the room. Nevertheless, the meal passed uneventfully, and Lindy was obviously having a wonderful time. She couldn't wait to usher everyone into the ballroom where a string quartet was waiting to provide the music. Fate had made it clear there was to be no piano in the room. Lindy laughed with delight when Fate asked her if she would like to have the first dance with her.

"Oh my goodness, no! You are much too tall for me and far too good a dancer! I'd much rather watch you dance," she cried fondly.

"I think not, Lindy," Fate replied flatly.

"You must dance with Nanoha at least, Fate," Lindy chided. "It's only proper that you do. She is here at your request, after all, and unescorted. Besides, she looks so lovely tonight!"

"Does she?" Fate murmured, thinking of the last time she had danced.

It had been with Shari at the reception following what was to be her last concert. To her surprise, she couldn't remember what it had felt like.

"Oh yes," Lindy enthused. "She has done something with her hair - its pinned up in some way, and it shows off her face so nicely. She has beautiful cheekbones, rather like a model. She's a golden tan from the sun, and seems to glow- naturally. To my mind she's one of the most beautiful women here."

"What color is her dress?" Fate asked almost against her will.

"A deep blue, like her eyes, and its cut down off her shoulders in a - well, I wouldn't exactly say its revealing, but she does have an attractive figure."

"Where is she?" Fate brought herself to ask.

"Just inside the door- to your right. And there's no one nearby, if you were to walk directly there from here," Lindy added as if it were an afterthought.

She knew better than anyone what it took for Fate to make this appearance tonight, and what it required for her to preserve her pride.

"Thank you, Lindy," Fate said as she bent to kiss her softly on the cheek.

Lindy held her breath as she watched Fate make her way toward Nanoha. She needn't have worried. Fate's instinct was unerring. Within a moment she was at Nanoha's side. The orchestra was just beginning the opening waltz.

"Would you honor me with this dance?" Fate asked as she offered her hand to Nanoha with a slight bow.

Nanoha was nearly speechless. She had never danced with a woman before, and to dance with Fate, alone, in front of all these people!

"Surely Shari will expect this dance!" was all she could manage.

Fate straightened, a flicker of ire crossing her fine features.

"Shari is neither mistress of this house nor of me. It is not for her to decide. Now _will_ you give me this dance?"

The guests who ringed the room receded from Nanoha's view. All she could see was the woman before her, hand outstretched, waiting. Fate was imperiously commanding, handsome beyond description, and intently focused on Nanoha. Nanoha could no more have denied her than she could have stopped her own heartbeat.

"Yes," Nanoha said softly, taking the elegant hand. "I would love to."

Fate made it impossible to be nervous. She danced with the same grace and fluidity with which she played. When Nanoha stepped into her arms, Nanoha knew only gently swirling motion and the warmth of Fate's body against her. She was unaware of those watching but she was acutely aware of every facet of Fate's presence. She felt the rise of Fate's chest against her own breasts, the faint pressure of Fate's thigh against her leg, and the possessive press of Fate's hand on her back. She had never felt so intimately connected to anyone in her life. The sensations slowly coalesced into an ache of desire.

"You're shaking," Fate murmured.

Nanoha laughed unsteadily against Fate's shoulder, praying her arousal wasn't so obvious.

"I think its nerves. Just don't let go of me."

Fate bent her head until her lips brushed the hair at Nanoha's temple.

"I wouldn't dream of it," she whispered.

She drew her close, and their bodies moved effortlessly together. Shari watched them dance. They fit together well - too well. Fate held Nanoha protectively within the circle of her arms; her cheek nestled against Nanoha's fair hair. Nanoha's eyes were closed, her left hand softly, unconsciously, stroking the stray wisps of Fate's unruly blond mane where it brushed against her collar. She trembled visibly, and Shari knew perfectly well why. She had felt the power of Fate's presence herself, and knew what it was to melt with desire in her arms. Nanoha and Fate melded to one another like lovers, although she was certain Fate had not yet conceived of it. Might never accept it. But Shari had no intention of leaving that up to fate. When the dance ended she intended to reassert her claim on the errant master of Testarossa Manor.

* * *

Nanoha was the first one awake the next morning. She was glad she wouldn't have to face anyone, not even Lindy. She doubted that she would have been able to hide her feelings under any circumstances. Last nights events were still too fresh and her anger too potent.

The dance with Fate had literally left her gasping. When at last other couples began to join them, Fate quickly steered them off the floor and out onto the balcony that extended along one entire side of the ballroom. Candles in glass holders cast a dim light over the area. They walked to the rail and stood side by side facing outward. Their hands were nearly touching on the rail.

"You're a wonderful dancer," Nanoha managed when at last she could control her breathing. She glanced at Fate, who appeared lost in thought. After a long pause Fate seemed to have heard the remark. She smiled faintly.

"Thank you. You are easy to lead," she said. After some hesitation, she continued. "And you are also easy to follow. I must apologize for my pig-headed behavior earlier this evening. You were right in surmising that I needed help. I couldn't bring myself to ask. There was a time, Nanoha, when the world was mine to command, and no one ever suggested otherwise. Now, I continue as if I were still that person- stubborn arrogance I think you said."

It was clearly a struggle for her to admit this much, and Nanoha had no need for her to humble herself.

"It's alright, Fate," Nanoha interrupted her quietly. "I can't begin to imagine how difficult this evening must have been. It pleased me to help in some small way. Besides, if you weren't so stubborn, I probably wouldn't -"

She stopped abruptly, embarrassed by what she had been about to say. She was rapidly losing all semblance of control around this woman! There was no denying what had happened to her as they danced, what was happening to her now. Fate's nearness aroused her in a way she had never known. She had wanted Fate to touch her so much she was afraid the entire room would know. All she wanted now was to be in her arms again.

Fate tilted her head, waiting for the words that didn't come. She sensed Nanoha's hesitation, and thought her still offended. She had no way of knowing Nanoha was struggling to keep from caressing her.

"What is it?" she asked as the silence lengthened. "Nanoha, have I made you that angry?"

Fate flinched in surprise when Nanoha stepped closer, Nanoha's hands on Fate's shirt front. She had known as they danced that she was on dangerous ground. The feel of Nanoha in her arms had awakened her senses. She had allowed herself the brief touch of her lips to Nanoha's temple. What she had wanted was to claim her mouth. Nanoha's hands on her now rekindled desire so long buried it was almost painful to experience. She caught her breath at the paroxysm of arousal, clenching her jaw against the swift burning spasm.

"You've a stud that's come loose," Nanoha whispered throatily.

She shivered as Fate's hands came to her waist. She fastened the small diamond stud, aware that they were so close their entire bodies touched lightly. Fate's body rippled with tension, and her grip on Nanoha tightened. Nanoha slid her fingers up to Fate's collar, her vision suddenly cloudy.

"And your tie needs straightening."

She gasped as her breasts, swollen with desire, brushed against Fate's chest.

"Oh god,"

Nanoha whispered as Fate drew her slowly against her own tight thigh. She lifted her eyes finally to Fate's, and saw raw hunger in Fate's face. Nanoha needed her kiss like she needed air to breath. She thought she might die with wanting. She slid her hand to the back of Fate's neck, willing her lips closer.

"Please," she implored.

"Nanoha -" Fate murmured thickly, knowing this was wrong, unable to stop.

In another moment she would be beyond caring, she would have to have her. She was seconds away from committing the biggest error of her life when a voice from the past called her irrevocably back to reality.

"Fate, darling!" Shari stated calmly, as if she hadn't just found her in a passionate embrace with another woman. "I know you hate these affairs, but you simply must be civilized about it. You cannot disappear and deprive us all of your company."

Fate straightened slowly, stepping back away from Nanoha. She spoke into the darkness, her voice cold as ice.

"You seem to have managed without my company for quite some time, my dear."

"And more fool I," Shari replied as she stepped to Fate's side. She pointedly ignored Nanoha, who was watching Fate in stunned bewilderment. "I have every intention of making it up to you. Now stop being such a cad, and take me back to the party."

As she spoke, she slipped one arm about Fate's waist, unabashedly caressing her with the other, sliding her hand up the length of Fate's thigh as she pressed against her.

Fate grasped the hand that stroked her, but she did not pull away. Instead, she turned to Nanoha, her face remote.

"Forgive me, Nanoha, it seems I have obligations to attend to. Good night."

Nanoha collapsed against the railing, shaking, dazed by Fate's departure. Her body was wracked with hunger for a woman who could arouse her with a glance, and then leave her without a second thought. She had come within a whisper of humiliating herself tonight, and yet - Fate _had_ responded, hadn't she?

Nanoha slammed the cabinet door as the question that had haunted her all night echoed in her mind. What did it matter if Fate had responded - what would it have mattered if she'd actually kissed her? The fact that Fate was aroused by a woman who was obviously trying to seduce her proved nothing. What mattered was that it took only a word from Shari and Fate forgot everything else. How many times, in how many ways, did she need to have that made clear?

"I'm going down to clear the brush from around the lower fountain," she growled as Lindy joined her in the kitchen around seven-thirty. "I won't be up for lunch."

Lindy stared after her in confusion. She had just run into Fate coming out of her study, and she had snarled at Lindy's cheery good morning. What had happened to every one overnight!?

* * *

As it turned out, Nanoha was forced to abandon her work early that afternoon. A storm blew up unexpectedly, as was won't to happen on the Cape in summer. Carrying her tools up to the garden shed, she saw Shari and Fate on the rear terrace. The wind was blowing too hard for Nanoha to hear their conversation, but Shari was obviously upset. She grasped Fate's arm, pressing close to her. Nanoha had no desire to witness any more of their private moments. She was about to turn away when Fate, looking gravely serious, bent her head and kissed Shari. Shari clung to her, pulling Fate's willowy figure even closer, fervently returning the kiss. Nanoha did turn from them then; she needed no further proof of Shari's hold on Fate.

"I won't be down for dinner tonight, Lindy," she said when she found Lindy in the laundry room. "I have some work I need to finish."

"Aren't you feeling well?" Lindy asked in concern. "Has something happened?"

She was well aware of the changes in Nanoha since Shari had arrived. She was quiet and reclusive, clearly unhappy. Lindy hadn't wanted to intrude, but she was becoming more and more worried, about both Nanoha and Fate. Despite Shari's constant attention, Fate was restrained and brooding. And it hadn't escaped Lindy's attention that Fate absolutely refused to play for Shari. Fate was walking the grounds late at night again, a sure sign that she was troubled. And now, Nanoha too!

"I'm really fine," Nanoha said, forcing a light tone. "I just - cant. Not tonight."

Lindy watched her retreating form as she hurried from the room and wondered if those hadn't been tears on her cheeks.

* * *

Alone in her room, Nanoha stood for hours looking out to the sea. She struggled to make sense of her confused emotions, but the images of Fate and Shari were all she could envision. She knew she couldn't watch them together day after day. It was too painful, finally more painful than the alternative. Perhaps if last night had never happened she could have learned to live with the reality of Fate loving someone else. Maybe with time, seeing her, but always being apart from her, wouldn't tear her heart out. That was impossible now. Being in her arms last night had changed everything. Their skin may have been separated by the convention of clothing, but what the shear force of Fate's embrace had evoked was irreversible. She had known the length of Fate's body against hers, had stroked the coiled muscles of her back, and felt the heat of her leg between her own. She would never be able to deny her longing, or control her desire, or tolerate the sight of Shari in Fate's arms. She was not so big a fool as to believe she could stand that. Just as she reached the only decision open to her, a knock sounded on her door.

"Nanoha? It's Fate may I come in?"

Nanoha wiped the tears from her eyes, struggling to compose herself.

"Hello," she said softly as she opened the door.

Fate looked concerned. "Are you all right? Lindy said not to expect you for dinner."

"Yes. I'm fine."

"I see," Fate replied. She gestured with her hand. "May I come in?"

"Of course." Nanoha remained standing, too restless to sit.

Fate sensed Nanoha's distress, and she worried she was the cause of it. She had agonized over her lapse the evening before, finally leaving the gathering over Shari's protests to spend the night pacing in her study. She had overstepped her bounds, and she had no excuse for it. For a brief moment she had forgotten everything - the loss of her sight, the loss of Shari, even the loss of her music - all had faded into the awareness of Nanoha against her, breathing life into her with her desire. She had succumbed to the physical demands of her body, and God only knew what she might have done if Shari hadn't interrupted them. She had been perilously close to making love to Nanoha right there on the balcony. The vestiges of arousal lingered throughout the night, and even now, with Nanoha near, she struggled to maintain her distance. She had hoped Nanoha might overlook her indiscretion, but now she wasn't sure.

"What is it, Nanoha?" she asked seriously.

Nanoha spoke the painful words before she lost courage.

"Fate, I've been meaning to speak with you for some time. I've decided to move back to the city."

Fate's head jerked as if she had been slapped, her face draining of color.

"But why?" she gasped.

She felt the words like a physical blow. Her chest ached, and she struggled for breath. "Is it because of my behavior last night? Nanoha?! I have no excuse – I'm sorry, I - what can I say? It won't happen again, you have my word! Please believe me!""

Nanoha laughed at the bitter irony. "I do believe you. It's not about last night, and if it were, it is I who should apologize."

"Then what, for Gods sake?" Fate demanded, her voice hoarse with strain.

Nanoha looked away, unable to face her suffering. She knew her resolve would weaken if she saw Fate in pain.

"I need to be closer to the university, and I'm - "

_She's young and she wants a life, you fool!_ Fate stopped her, unable to stand the crushing truth.

"You don't need to explain," she said harshly. "This is no life for you here, isolated on this godforsaken pinnacle of forgotten land! I understand, of course you must leave."

_No you don't understand!_ Nanoha wanted to scream**. **_But how can I tell you that I can't stand to see you with Shari? How can I say I love you when I know it will only drive you away! _Fate looked so vulnerable; Nanoha bit her lip to keep back the words. She longed to bring the smile back to Fate's face, to stroke the lines from her brow. She wanted to fling herself into her arms. Oh god! Must she really leave?

Fate summoned every ounce of her formidable will, forcing the pain into the recesses of her soul. That was something she had grown used to doing, and now it served her well. She would not let Nanoha know this was destroying her; she would save her pride.

"Shari will be leaving tomorrow. Can you stay until I arrange some business affairs?"

Fate's tone was empty of any emotion, and her expression revealed nothing of her inner despair. She had expected this, but now that it had happened, it was so much worse than she had imagined! For a short time Nanoha had brought life to this desolate place, to her desolate heart. She had not dared to hope that Nanoha would stay. Testarossa Manor, and all it held within its walls, was dying. It was selfish and foolhardy to think that Nanoha would have any reason to remain.

"Leaving?" Nanoha cried. "But I thought"

Fate looked toward her, a question in her eyes. "You thought what?"

Nanoha was more confused than ever. She could do nothing save tell the truth.

"I thought you and she were lovers. I thought that's why she had come back."

Fate walked to the fireplace, extending one long arm along the mantle, facing the empty grate.

"Yes we were, once. I was twenty-five years old and my whole life was music. I never knew, nor wanted -anything more. Oh, I didn't lack for company. There were -dalliances- usually with women impressed by my reputation. The reality generally proved much less to their liking. Then suddenly Shari entered my life. She was so young, so beautiful, so vital. She showed me a passion that nearly matched my music. I was mad about her, mad for her. But it was my passion, not hers. She never really felt the same, but I refused to see that. I wouldn't believe that my love was more than she wanted, or, as it turned out, not the kind of love she wanted. She tried to tell me that I was too demanding, too possessive too intense for her, I think she said. I have yet to understand how love can be too intense."

Fate laughed bitterly.

"I wouldn't hear what she was trying to tell me. I was so certain of myself. I thought with my music and Shari by my side I had all I needed in this life."

She paused, her hand clenched tightly around the mantles edge. When she spoke again, her voice was tight with pain.

"The night of the accident, she told me she was leaving me to get married. I nearly went mad, thinking of her with him - all the time she had been with me. I was wild, raging with jealousy. I swore I wouldn't let her leave me. I frightened her, although god knows I never would have touched her in anger. She tried to jump from the car, and when I grabbed for her I lost control of the wheel. I just managed to pull her under me when we started to roll. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital. I heard my father's voice. When I opened my eyes, I knew instantly that I was blind. The darkness was everywhere, but nowhere deeper than in my heart. It was all my fault, you see. I had been too proud and too arrogant to hear that she was unhappy, that she in fact did not share my passion. She did not love me, and I nearly killed her."

Fate's voice broke with the all too familiar bitter memories. She had almost killed Shari, the woman she swore she loved with all her heart. Losing her sight had seemed like a small price to pay. And now Nanoha would be gone too. She tried unsuccessfully to hide the tears that coursed down her cheeks. She fought desperately to seal the pain away once more. She flinched when Nanoha brushed the tears from her face.

"Please don't," Fate managed. "I didn't mean for you to see this. Please forget it, wont you?"

"I'm so sorry, Fate. I didn't know," Nanoha whispered tenderly.

All thoughts of her own despair dissipated in the face of Fate's agony.

"I saw you together in the garden today. I saw you kissing her. I can't believe she could leave you again."

Fate shook her head, not comprehending Nanoha's words.

"I told her today that I had no wish for us to be together again. Nanoha, I was kissing her good bye."

Nanoha could only imagine that Fate was afraid to trust Shari again. Regardless of her own tangled emotions, she had no desire to see Fate suffer any more than she already had.

"Fate, you mustn't be afraid. You can try again. Perhaps you've both changed. It could be different now. You needn't be alone"

"Nanoha," Fate said vehemently, "you don't understand. I don't love Shari I don't _want _to love her. She has come here to escape her boredom, or to torture her husband with the reminder of our affair, but eventually she would tire of the charade, and she would leave. If I let her stay, it would be a mockery of love. I won't have that!" She shook her head fiercely, her voice strident in protest. "No! Shari does not love me - perhaps she never did."

The words brought both a deep sadness and a curious sense of relief as she spoke them. Exhausted, Fate sank into the chair, trying to find a way to cope with Nanoha's leaving. She bowed her head into her hand, too weary to struggle any longer.

"I'm sorry. Please excuse my outburst. All of this has been - hard for me. Just give me a moment, then I'll go."

Nanoha took a deep breath.

"Fate, I don't want to leave Testarossa Manor. This last month has been difficult, especially when I thought you and Shari were reuniting. I didn't think I'd be needed any longer. But I have been happy here, happier than I have ever been, and I _don't _want to leave."

Fate drew a shuddering breath.

"Are you sure?"

The eyes she turned to Nanoha were wounded, nearly devoid of hope. She hadn't the strength to contain her despair, and the sight of it ripped at Nanoha's heart.

Her situation with Fate was no clearer, but at least she wouldn't have to face Shari every day. She knew she would be miserable if she left. She couldn't imagine never seeing Fate again. At least now she would have time to make some sense of her tumultuous desires. Nanoha cupped Fate's face gently in her hands.

"I'm very sure. I want to stay."

Fate pressed her lips to Nanoha's palm, her relief nearly palpable. Only time would tell if Nanoha had made the right decision.

* * *

**A/N:** And the Countdown to the ending has now started hehehe… The rating of this story will be change to M the next time I update in preparation for the things that will happen... Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Fourteen **

With Shari's departure, a semblance of harmony returned to Testarossa Manor. With the end of summer, Nanoha resumed her classes three days a week, which left more than ample time to manage the household needs and Fate's business requirements. She met with Fate at the end of her day, and more often than not, they merely talked. Fate was keenly interested in Nanoha's studies, and Nanoha found herself recounting her days in detail while they shared a glass of sherry. It was something she looked forward to each day, and it seemed that Fate did as well. Their relationship had developed into a comfortable but reserved companionship.

Neither of them made further mention of the episode on the balcony the night of Lindy's party. Nanoha did not know how to broach it, and Fate seemed to avoid any possibility of intimacy. Although Fate welcomed their conversations, she was physically remote. She was careful not to touch Nanoha even when it would have been natural to. Her caution in this regard did not escape Nanoha's notice, and Nanoha interpreted it as an unspoken declaration from Fate that their brief physical interlude had been an aberration of circumstance. It had been a tense and stressful period for both of them, and in the intensity of the moment that night, Fate had responded to Nanoha's overture. Obviously, it was not something Fate wished to repeat.

Nanoha for her part tried her best to forget what had passed between them, and to content herself with the relationship they were slowly, carefully building. Fate was not so quick to withdraw from her at the slightest mention of her past; in fact, to Nanoha's amazement, Fate occasionally alluded to some previous event with an ease that was absent a few months before. Fate was beginning to trust her, and for now that appeared to be the most she could hope for. Nanoha resigned herself to what they could share together, because she knew in the final analysis, she would be miserable without Fate in her life. She tried not to think of what she would do if what they had now was all Fate ever wanted.

Perhaps the only person at Testarossa Manor who was able to see just what was happening between the two of them was Lindy. She knew the extent to which Fate was capable of closing off parts of herself, and of denying her own wants and needs. Fate had deluded herself for years with Shari. Lindy wondered if she would be as successful disavowing her feelings for Nanoha.

When Lindy brought tea into Fate late one afternoon, Fate greeted her warmly. She was at work at the piano, as relaxed as Lindy had seen her in many years. Lindy thought approvingly of how good Fate looked. She was no longer unnaturally pale, nor wraithlike thin. Her lean form was stronger from the time she spent outside. She had taken to joining Lindy and Nanoha most evenings for dinner, and their conversations were light and easy. Lindy thought she understood the reason for Fate's emergence from the torpor that had enveloped her, but she wondered if Fate truly did. As Fate grew more peaceful, Lindy couldn't help but notice that Nanoha became more despondent.

"Thank you, Lindy," Fate said fondly as she rose, stretching from her seat at the piano.

She felt wonderful her world was filled with sound, the way it had been when she was young. Her blood stirred with long-forgotten excitement. She attributed it to the ease with which she was working and the satisfaction that brought her. She refused to admit to herself that Nanoha's return was the moment she waited for all day.

"You look happy, Fate," Lindy remarked.

"Happy?" Fate said, wondering if that was what she felt. "Yes, perhaps that's it. At any rate, Lindy, the music is returning and that is more than I ever expected to have again in this life."

"I'm happy for you," Lindy said,

And she truly rejoiced in the change in Fate over the last few months. But she couldn't help but wonder if that was all Fate wanted from life. The passionate woman she had known would never have been content alone. Fate had needed the sustenance of love to balance the soul-draining demands of her work. She had made a disastrous misjudgment in relying on Shari so completely, and she had paid a dreadful price for it. Lindy only hoped that that disappointment had not destroyed Fate's ability to accept love when it was offered from the heart.

* * *

Nanoha tossed her knapsack on the hall table, waving to Lindy as she headed toward the music room. She knew Fate would be there, as she always was at this time of day. She tapped lightly on the door before entering. Fate lifted one hand, the other poised over the piano keys.

"Just a minute. I've nearly finished."

Nanoha crossed quietly to stand beside Fate, watching as she played, marveling at the graceful sweep of her fingers on the keys. As her hands literally caressed the instrument, her face reflected all the emotions the music gave form to. The combination of watching Fate's face and hearing her creation stirred Nanoha unexpectedly. As the notes dissipated in the air, Fate became motionless, her hands lying still on her thighs.

"It's wonderful," Nanoha breathed softly.

Fate lifted her face to Nanoha, an uncharacteristic uncertainty clouding her features.

"Do you really think so?" she asked quietly.

Sometimes Nanoha felt as much a prisoner of Fate's blindness as Fate certainly was. She felt so much more than her words could communicate, and she wished that Fate could read in her face how deeply she was moved. As it stood alone, Fate's music could bring her to tears. She knew that from standing outside this room, stilled in mid-step by what she heard. She knew because she had sought out the recordings Fate had made years before. She played them when she was alone, imaging Fate's face as she listened. For her, nothing was more heart-rending than watching Fate play, raw passions exposed, as the music swirled in the air. For Fate not to see what she was capable of stirring in others pierced her heart.

Instinctively, she placed both hands gently on Fate's shoulders, leaning over to whisper,

"It makes me ache. Will you play it for me from the beginning?" She had never asked before.

Fate reached up to cover Nanoha's hand with her own, surprised once again by the warmth of her skin. She lingered like that for a moment, then settled her hands on the keys.

"Yes."

Nanoha moved reluctantly away, not wanting to dispel that rare moment of affection. Still, she knew Fate had taken another step toward allowing Nanoha into her life. Fate had not been willing for anyone to hear more than fragments of a work in progress for years. Nanoha settled into a nearby chair from which she could watch Fate play. She found herself holding her breath as the melody swelled to fill the air. She would not have believed that there could be such a thing as too much beauty, but the sight and sounds of Fate Testarossa overwhelmed her. She closed her eyes and let the golden tones carry her away. When the room stilled, it took her a moment to find her composure. She was trembling, and her voice seemed to have deserted her. When she opened her eyes, she found that Fate had turned to face her, her head bent, waiting.

"I've never imagined anything so exquisite," Nanoha said quietly. "Your music is a gift to the world, Fate. Thank you so much for sharing it with me."

Fate lifted her head, her face wet with tears.

"I thought it was gone forever," she murmured, her voice breaking.

The sight of her tears was Nanoha's undoing. She meant only to take Fate's hand in hers, but she found herself pulling Fate up into her arms instead. She held her close, whispering,

"Oh god, Fate your music breaks my heart. _You _break my heart."

Fate struggled with the response Nanoha's embrace wrought. Nanoha's body was pressed to hers; she felt the rise and fall of Nanoha's soft breasts with each breath; their hearts seemed to race as one. Nanoha's nearness, and her words, filled her with a longing so intense her carefully maintained barricades threatened to crumble. And she feared that if she gave rein to her emotions, she would be captive to them as she had been with Shari. She knew she could not survive another disappointment. If such pain ever returned anew, she would surely break. What Nanoha touched in her was a place too dangerous to expose. For the sake of whatever sanity she had left, she could not let that happen.

Nanoha felt Fate stiffen, but she only pulled her tighter. Was there no way for Nanoha to show her how precious she was?

"You are so rare! There is such grace and beauty and tenderness in your soul. And you don't even know it, do you?! You are so special I can't begin to tell you"

She had no words, only sensations. Admiration, respect, protectiveness, sympathy, and sweet, swift longing. Everything condensed at once until Nanoha had to give form to her feelings or explode. Her hands moved from Fate's back to cup her jaw, then slid into her hair as she groaned softly,

"If only I could tell you - " Her lips met Fate's as the words escaped her in a rush.

Fate gasped at the contact, her control all but shattered. For an instant she knew only the well-spring of desire that rippled through her, the moist heat that flooded from her. With a groan she opened herself to the raging fire, embracing its source. Even as she pulled Nanoha roughly to her, giving herself fully to the kiss, a suffocating dread began to eclipse her passion. She felt more vulnerable than she had during the first seconds of her blindness, when she opened her eyes to a darkness more terrifying than anything she had ever experienced. _This_ was what she truly had isolated herself from all these years - this horrible power that love wielded over her.

"Nanoha, no - " Fate rasped, catching the hands that brushed down her shirt front toward her breasts.

She grasped Nanoha's wrists softly, gently disengaging from their embrace. She struggled for air for an instant, her brain whirling, then finally managed to whisper hoarsely,

"You honor me, Nanoha. With your appreciation, with your deep kindness. I am only too glad to give you what I can with my music. That it pleases you means more to me than I can say. But that is all I can give, Nanoha – I'm sorry."

* * *

Fate's withdrawal was like a knife slashing through Nanoha's depths. Must she always be left with this terrible emptiness? She didn't want to let her go, but she knew she must. She could not force Fate to feel as she felt, to want what she wanted.

"It's… I… that am sorry," she replied shakily. "I can't seem to stop throwing myself at you. You've made it perfectly clear -"

"Nanoha, don't," Fate murmured. "There is no need for an apology."

Nanoha drew a long breath, steadying herself. When she spoke again her voice had a steely calm.

"Thank you, Fate, for trusting me with your music. It meant more to me than I can ever say." She turned to leave, but couldn't help but ask, "Will I see you at dinner?"

Fate shook her head, "Not tonight, Nanoha."

* * *

"Is Fate coming for dinner?" Lindy asked as she set out the hot rolls to cool.

Nanoha shook her head, busying herself with the dishes. She didn't trust herself to speak, she was still shaking.

"Working still, is she?"

"Yes," Nanoha managed.

Lindy gave her a concerned look. The girl was completely white.

"Everything going all right?" she asked cautiously.

"She finished something this afternoon," Nanoha replied hollowly. After a pause, she added softly, "It was unbelievable."

"Oh?" Lindy asked in surprise. "She played it for you?"

"Yes, she did," Nanoha replied, her voice devoid of emotion.

Lindy gave Nanoha her full attention, setting aside the roast she was carving. For Fate to have played for Nanoha was nothing short of a miracle, but it seemed to have produced anything but a happy response.

"Fate can be very self-absorbed when she's working. Sometimes she forgets about common civility and other people's feelings," she ventured, thinking that Fate's notoriously volatile nature may have given offense.

"She was perfectly charming, as always," Nanoha remarked somewhat harshly. Fate raised even rejection to an art form. _Damn her pristine control!_ _Isn't there anything that affects her iron clad self-discipline_? Nanoha was only too afraid she knew the answer to that.

"Well, she's done something, now hasn't she?" Lindy persisted softly.

"No, Lindy," Nanoha began, surrendering to her frustration. "_I've_ done something." _I've fallen in love with her!_ She closed her eyes, searching for calm. She couldn't very well tell Lindy that she wanted Fate to make love to her, now could she?

"I can't seem to reach her," she said carefully. "She is always polite, always cordial and her distance is driving me crazy. She won't accept one compliment; she can't hear one kind word, without mistrusting it! It's so hard when you care about her!" She caught back a sob, struggling for the tatters of her own self-control.

"Fate has been alone a very long time," Lindy said carefully. "She has forgotten how to get on with people."

She sensed it was more serious than that, but Lindy didn't want to embarrass Nanoha if her assumptions were wrong. Nanoha's moodiness hadn't escaped her notice, and neither had Fate's growing reliance on Nanoha. She had been expecting some kind of confrontation for weeks.

"Well, she certainly seemed to know how to get along with Shari!" Nanoha said angrily**. **_She certainly didn't have any problems kissing her_! she wanted to shout. _Oh god, I really am losing my mind!_

"Shari?" Lindy responded dismissively, "Fate suffered her presence, that's all."

"I'm not so sure about that," Nanoha responded, her anger escalating, too hurt for caution. "She suffered a lot more than her _presence_. She allowed that woman to fall all over her, and she could deny her nothing! I think she's still in love with her and is just too damn stubborn to admit it!"

"So she told you about them, did she?" Lindy asked, beginning to get a better idea about the source of Nanoha's distress.

"Yes, she told me!" Nanoha barked. "The love affair to end all love affairs. Whether Shari is here or not, she will always have that hold on Fate! God, I'm such a fool!"

Lindy shook her head adamantly,

"Oh no, my dear. You are wrong. Fate made a fool out of herself over that girl, but she wasn't so much a fool that she would do it twice! When Shari left Fate for Griffith Lowran, she not only broke Fate's heart, she betrayed everything Fate believed love to be. As hard as it was, at some point even Fate had to accept that she was only an exciting and forbidden diversion for Shari. Love her still? No my dear, Fate would never have forgiven the betrayal."

"Then what is it that keeps her so apart?" Nanoha beseeched. "She is so talented, so sensitive, so kind how can she bury all of that as if it meant nothing? As if she herself meant nothing? What is she hiding from?"

Lindy had never seen Nanoha so distraught, and she knew the only words that might help her would also reveal Fate's deepest secrets. It was not for her to expose Fate in that way.

"Perhaps she just needs time, Nanoha. These last months, since you've come, she's changed so much. Oh, I know you can't see it but I can. She no longer sits for hours, alone in her rooms, or wanders the bluff at all hours of the night. There is life in her now, Nanoha, life that has been missing for more than a decade! Just listen to her music if you don't believe me. You led her back into the world. You put a flower in her hand and showed her there was life that she could experience still. Such a simple thing as a flower! It took you to do that!"

Nanoha shook her head, feeling sad and defeated.

"Whatever else she needs, I can't seem to give her. And I don't know how much more I can take."

She looked at Lindy with despair in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lindy, you don't deserve this. I don't even know why I'm so upset I don't even know what I'm feeling half the time. It's foolish of me to be carrying on like this. Maybe I'm just being selfish - Fate certainly seems content."

She gave Lindy a tremulous smile and a swift hug.

"Don't' wait dinner for me," she said as she hurried from the room.

Lindy looked after her, conflicting loyalties warring in her mind. As much as she adored Fate Testarossa, she couldn't stand by and watch Nanoha suffer.

* * *

"Fate?" Lindy called at the music room door.

She entered to find the room deserted. The doors to the terrace were open, despite the brisk October wind. A few leaves fluttered through and clustered on the floor. Fate's body was outlined in moonlight as she leaned against the balustrade, facing out to the night. Her light shirt whipped about her thin form in the wind.

Lindy wrapped her shawl tighter around herself and ventured out. She was shocked by the chill in Fate's fingers when she covered her hand where it lay on the railing.

"Fate! You're freezing. Come inside!"

"I'm fine, Lindy," Fate answered hollowly. "Go back its too cold here for you."

"And you're made of stone?" Lindy snapped, her patience perilously close to gone. First Nanoha, and now Fate the two of them suffering was more than she could watch in silence.

"It seems that I am," replied Fate with a cynical smile.

"I know better than that, and you would too if you'd let yourself admit it."

"Lindy," Fate said warningly, "I love you like my own parent, but this is something you know nothing about. Let it alone, please for my sake."

"I have! All these years when you locked yourself away here but there's not just you anymore there's Nanoha."

"Lindy" Fate growled harshly, "leave Nanoha out of this!"

"I would if I could, but that's not up to me, is it? I've watched you dying slowly right before my eyes for too many years you who I cherish with all my heart, and I've never said a word, never tried to change your mind. I know how much you lost - and your sight was the least of it!"

"Lindy, please," Fate whispered, her fists clenched against the stone rail, "please, don't do this now. Please let me have some peace."

"This is not peace, Fate! You may be blind, but your heart is not you may think love deserted you, but you know as well as I do that wasn't love! I won't believe you can't recognize it when you feel it! Nanoha _loves_ you"

"Nanoha _pities_ me"

"No, Fate. For once your blindness _has_ trapped you! I can _see_ what you refuse to feel I only have to look at her look at you to know! She loves you, Fate!"

A groan escaped Fate as she turned away.

"You _know_ me Lindy! You know what my life demands, what _I_ demand! Do you truly think anyone, especially someone as young and vital as Nanoha, would stay, once she knew what it really meant? I might have killed Shari in the car that night, because she _couldn't_ give me what I wanted - because she was leaving me. I believed once, and it destroyed me. I will not believe again - I cannot survive the loss."

"You underestimate her, Fate and it's not just yourself you're hurting now. You're breaking her heart."

"No!" Fate shouted, her fists pounding the unyielding stone. "I cannot, I _will_ not, let this happen it would destroy us both! I will not bind her to this barren world that is my heart. Now leave me, please I beg of you." Her last words came in a choked whisper, and tears streaked down her anguished face.

Lindy bent her head in defeat, longing to take the trembling woman in her arms. But she knew that Fate would not allow even that sympathy. What Fate feared was inside herself, and nothing could assuage her inconsolable grief.

* * *

**A/N:** Our rating has now turned to **"M"** so for those who can't read materials for 18+ years old please try to stop in this chapter (well if you can that is hehehe…) The next chapter, for me, is the highlight of this story and because I'm so excited to share it to all of you, I'll post it after 3 hours (I decided to make you guys wait… on a whim, excitement is a necessity in life hahaha…) Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Fifteen **

Silence descended on Testarossa Manor as each of them struggled to accept their disappointments. Nanoha went about her work with quiet resignation, an aching hollowness her constant companion. Whereas once the time she spent with Fate eased her loneliness, now seeing her only seemed to heighten it. And Fate, if possible, was even more remote. They spent less time together, as Fate often absented herself from the music room in the afternoons. Instead she worked late into the night, after the others were asleep. She had begun taking her meals alone again, although the trays came back barely touched. The music that echoed in the corridors was dark and melancholy the one place Fate could not hide her emotions was in her music. It was truly the mirror of her soul. Lindy stood by helplessly, knowing that only Fate could change the course of their lives.

Late one evening, to Lindy's surprise, Fate came to the door of her sitting room.

"Fate, good gracious!" she exclaimed. "What's wrong?"

"Lindy," Fate said urgently, without preamble. "Where is Nanoha?"

Lindy glanced at the clock on her mantle. It was almost eleven, and it occurred to her she hadn't seen Nanoha all evening.

"I don't know. She wasn't here for dinner. Hasn't she come up?"

"No, and I haven't heard the Jeep return," Fate remarked, barely able to hide her anxiety.

In some part of her consciousness she waited for the day Nanoha would not return. It was impossible for her to work freely when Nanoha wasn't about the house or grounds. Especially recently, since their estrangement, she found herself listening for Nanoha's step in the hall or the distinctive crunch of gravel in the drive. As much as she expected Nanoha to leave, she feared it. When it happened, she would lose whatever small purchase on life she had left.

Lindy could read the fear in Fate's face. Ordinarily she wouldn't have worried, but Nanoha hadn't been herself lately. Since the night they talked in the kitchen, Nanoha had been distracted and almost dazed. Lindy worried she might have had an accident.

It was hard for Lindy not to think of that awful night when the call had come about Fate. She remembered only too well the agonizing hour they had all spent while men worked to free her from the wreckage. It was an hour spent not knowing if she were still alive. Lindy struggled to dispel the image and quell the surge of alarm. Nanoha must simply have forgotten to mention her plans. Any other possibility was more than she could bear to contemplate. She struggled to keep her voice even.

"I'm sure she's fine, Fate. Go on to bed. I'll be up. If there's any problem, she'll call."

A look of panic flickered across Fate's face. Lindy knew as well as she that Nanoha never absented herself without word. With effort she said evenly,

"Of course, you're right. Just the same, I'll wait in the library in case she calls."

Lindy listened to the echo of her retreating steps, losing sight of her as she descended the dark stairway with a measured step. She knew Fate was every bit as stretched to the limit as Nanoha seemed to be. She wondered fearfully which one of them would lose the thin rein of control first.

The hallway was dark when Nanoha let herself into the house just after one in the morning. She jumped when a voice called out to her.

"Nanoha?"

Nanoha fumbled for the light switch as she stepped into the library. Fate was seated in a chair before the window that fronted the main drive, as she had been for hours.

"Fate?" Nanoha asked in surprise "What are you doing in here?"

"We were worried Lindy and I. I was waiting in case you called." Fate rose, and began to pace restlessly. "Although god knows what I thought I could do about it if you _were_ in trouble," she laughed bitterly. "We make a fine pair, Lindy and I. One who can't drive, and the other one blind!"

"Oh god, Fate," Nanoha cried. "I stayed to have dinner with my graduate advisor it wasn't planned. I should have called, but we started talking and I lost track of the time!" She felt miserable for having worried either of them.

Fate made an impatient gesture, infuriated with her helplessness, embarrassed by her near panic.

"Nonsense. You don't owe either of us an explanation. Your private life is none of our affair. Where you spend your time - and with whom, does not concern us."

Nanoha gaped at her. She had to be the most infuriating woman she had ever met!

"Is that what you think? That I was out on a _date_ for god's sake?"

Fate straightened her shoulders, anger replacing her worry. There was no need for Nanoha to know she had spent several anxious hours fearing she had left for good.

"I don't think anything one way or the other, nor do I care. As I said - "

"I know damn well what you _said_, Fate," Nanoha seethed, absolutely beyond caring whether she offended Fate or not. "What I don't understand is why you said it! You know very well how I feel about you, whether you chose to acknowledge it or not. I've done everything short of begging you! Don't insult me by suggesting I would simply wander off and find consolation elsewhere. Do you think you're the only one capable of a true and honorable emotion? Damn your arrogance!"

"It was not my intention to insult you, Nanoha," Fate replied in an amazingly calm tone.

She couldn't remember the last time someone raised their voice to her, other than Shari. Nanoha's sincere distress had a greater affect on her than Shari's tirades ever had.

"I did not mean for us to come to this," she said softly. "I never meant to misrepresent myself to you in any way."

"Don't worry, Fate. You haven't," Nanoha snapped. "It is I who have been mistaken, but I assure you, I will not trouble you again!" She grabbed her knapsack, intent on retreating before she completely lost the last vestige of restraint. She had tried so hard to be patient, to accept the depth of Fate's loss and disappointment, but it hadn't made any difference and she doubted it ever would.

"I have legal matters that require your assistance. I'll need to meet with you tomorrow," Fate said as Nanoha stepped out into the hall. She hated this animosity between them, but there seemed no other way.

"Certainly," Nanoha rejoined coldly. "I'll see you in the afternoon."

Nanoha left her there, but she could not bring herself to turn out the light, even though the darkness would not matter to Fate.

* * *

Nanoha worked furiously digging up buried roots with a spade, slashing through briars with a machete, flinging clods of earth aside with a vengeance. Her pace matched her mood she was still boiling. She wasn't sure whom she was angrier with Fate or herself. What had she expected? Fate Testarossa was a wealthy, gifted woman who had known both fame and great passion in her life. Under any circumstances she would hardly be expected to notice someone like Nanoha, and now, after all she had suffered, she had no special feeling for Nanoha. Nanoha struggled for acceptance, but it was so hard! What she felt for Fate went so far beyond anything she had experienced, or dreamed of experiencing. The wanting surpassed simple desire she felt inextricably linked to her, body and soul. When she saw Fate across the room, when the sound of her voice carried out into the garden, when she heard her piano whisper in the night, fire surged through Nanoha's being. Some primal part of her had been called forth by this woman. The combination of Fate's great strength and her great need had awakened Nanoha's deepest passion. To be near her, and so apart, was unendurable.

She was beginning to contemplate the unthinkable. She might need to leave Testarossa Manor. She didn't have the strength to subjugate her desires to reason - she simply couldn't be around Fate and not want her. For a few months she had managed to be content with their carefully contained relationship, but since the instant they had kissed, all that had changed. She couldn't forget it, and she couldn't stop wanting it again. She would lose her mind if she stayed, and if she left she would lose her soul. It was a choice that was no choice at all, and she cursed her own indecisiveness under her breath. She rubbed the tears from her face and grabbed her ax. She intended to cut down every dead limb at Testarossa Manor before the day was out!

While Nanoha warred with her emotions and the tangled undergrowth, Fate paced the flagstone terrace fighting her own demons. She knew she was hurting Nanoha by refusing to acknowledge what was between them, and she had no answer for it. Nanoha had restored life to Testarossa Manor, and to her with Nanoha had come the scent of fresh flowers and the teasing sound of notes in the air. Fate had responded to both as if light had suddenly been returned to her world. Her heart lifted to the sounds of Nanoha's footsteps in the hall. Nanoha's presence had muted the pain of years of loneliness. But Nanoha had awakened other senses as well Fate knew the touch of her hands, the warmth of her skin, the soft fullness of her breasts. She knew the bruising demand of Nanoha's kiss as her lips searched against Fate's mouth. If she made love to her, she would have to acknowledge what was in her heart. If she gave freedom to everything Nanoha ignited in her, she would never be able to live without her. That was what Fate retreated from she dared not entrust her soul again, and she could not love any other way.

They sat thus, separated not by distance, but by uncertainty.

* * *

Nanoha sighed and stepped back from the line of trees she had been pruning. She could hear the delicate strains of the music Fate was playing wafting on the breeze. She glanced up at the sky, noting absently that clouds were amassing out over the ocean. She reached for her worn denim work jacket as the sudden wind off the water brought a brisk chill to the air. She didn't want to return to the house yet, she still felt too unsettled. She needed to fortify herself before she joined Fate in her music room for their late afternoon meeting.

Fate looked up from the keyboard as the curtains floated into the room on a chill breeze. The weight of the air on her face was dense and wet. Something ominous was stirring, and one word clamored in her mind - _Nanoha_! She bolted up from the piano bench in a rush, pushing the terrace doors wide as she stormed through them. From the top of the stairs leading down the flagstone path to the lower reaches of the property, she called out into the gathering wind.

"Nanoha!"

Nanoha looked up at the sound of Fate's voice, amazed to see the sky blackening around her. The rain and heavy winds were upon her before she knew it. In an instant a blinding wall of water blew in from the sea, drenching her and turning the garden path into a hundred yards of steep, slippery mud. To her horror she saw Fate start down toward her.

"Fate! No, go back!" she cried, paralyzed with fear at the thought of Fate exposed in the storm. "Go back! I'm coming up."

Abandoning her tools, Nanoha began to climb the path, struggling to keep her balance in the buffeting winds and pounding rain. Tree branches bent and broke in the wind, hurtling by in the swirling gale. Lightening flashed around her, and the house seemed impossibly far away. She heard a tremendous crash to her left and knew, even as she knew she could not move quickly enough to avoid it, that the old sycamore had been struck by lightening. She threw up an arm to shield her face and cried out as falling branches and limbs engulfed her. There was an instant of white-hot pain in her shoulder just as she met the ground with a jarring thud.

Her first sensation after the initial shock was of the penetrating cold that encompassed her. The ground beneath her cheek was sodden, and her denim jeans and shirt clung to her clammy skin. The cold was almost instantly replaced with a stabbing pain in her left side and a throbbing ache in the back of her head. Her next thought was even more terrifying. Where was Fate!? _Oh my god! She's out in this storm alone!_

She pushed at the overlying branches holding her captive, managing only to worsen the pain in her arm. She fought against the need to vomit, finally ceasing her ineffective struggles. She dropped her head back to the wet ground and waited for the nausea to subside. Time seemed to slow as water dripped through the fallen trees leaves onto her face. At some point through her disorientation she thought she could hear voices.

"For gods sake man, hurry!"

Nanoha recognized Fate's deep voice, harsh with fear. Nanoha struggled to call Fate's name, to tell her she was all right, but all that emerged was a faint groan. _She shouldn't be out here_, she thought hysterically.

"Fate," she finally croaked. "be careful!"

"Nanoha - thank god!" Fate shouted, her voice choked with anxiety. "Are you hurt, love?"

"I don't think so," Nanoha said as steadily as she could.

In truth she was more worried about Fate than she was about her own scrapes and bruises.

"Go inside - call someone to help. Please Fate, please don't stay out here - go back to the house! Just do it for me!"

"Damn if I will! We'll have you free in a moment. Just hang on, Nanoha!" Fate called from somewhere quite close. "Damn it, Zafira, can't you go any faster?"

She pulled at the tree limbs in front of her, nearly mad with frustration at her inability to reach Nanoha. She was impervious to the branches that slashed at her hands and face. God, how she hated her blindness!

"I almost have the limb free, ma'am, but it would help if you'd move back. We don't need both of you under this damn tree."

Fate turned angry eyes toward the man beside her and growled,

"I'm not moving until you get her out."

A tremendous creak accompanied the shifting of the huge fork of limb that imprisoned Nanoha, and she cried out as the weight of the tree shifted off her tender body. Suddenly Fate was beside her, reaching a tentative, trembling hand toward her.

"Don't move," Fate whispered softly, "you're safe now. Zafira will have the rest of it off in a minute."

Fate settled on the muddy slope, unmindful of the water or the cold, and very gently lifted Nanoha's head into her lap. Despite her pain, Nanoha lifted both arms around Fate's neck, pressing her face against her chest.

"I'm so glad you're here," Nanoha whispered, clutching her tightly.

"I'll not leave you," Fate replied, struggling to contain tears.

She rocked Nanoha tenderly as she buried her face in Nanoha's damp hair.

"I'm here."

Nanoha scarcely felt any pain as she thrilled to the comfort of Fate's presence. As more of the tree was removed she tried moving her legs. Everything worked but she gasped as a multitude of small cuts began to burn.

"Where are you hurt?" Fate asked when she had control of herself again.

"My shoulder, but I don't think anything's broken." Nanoha began to realize that both of them were shivering nearly uncontrollably. "Fate," she chattered, "you have to get inside. Let me stand up."

"We'd better wait for the doctor. And I'm not leaving you." Fate swore inwardly at her own helplessness, even as she began to believe Nanoha was safe.

For a few agonizing minutes she had feared she had lost her. She heard the tree cracking and Nanoha's cry as it fell. Lindy had confirmed her fear that Nanoha had been trapped under the downed tree, and the panic that followed almost proved to be Fate's undoing. All she could think of was that Nanoha was gone, a realization so painful she thought she would go mad. It was Lindy who had the presence of mind to call both the family doctor as well as an old friend who lived nearby for help. She couldn't stop Fate from rushing headlong down the treacherous path, only to be unable to find Nanoha in the tangle of branches, flailing with anguished despair at obstacles she couldn't see. Lindy feared that Fate would do herself real harm in her rage to find the girl.

Even with Nanoha in her arms, Fate was afraid to loosen her hold. Her hands ceaselessly roamed over Nanoha's body, seeking reassurance that Nanoha was safe. She didn't realize that each shaking breath bordered on a sob. She hadn't felt such panic since the night of the car crash, when she drifted in and out of consciousness, calling for Shari, getting no answer. She had lain in the twisted wreckage blinded by the blood in her eyes, trapped by the metal that pierced her leg, wondering frantically if she had killed Shari in her jealous rage. Had that been true, in all likelihood she would have taken her own life. Tonight, for those agonizing minutes before she heard Nanoha's voice, she thought that all that remained to her of life had been taken. Her relief was so enormous, she acted without thinking. She raised Nanoha's head with a hand cupped to her chin, capturing her mouth with a deep groan. Oblivious to all else, Nanoha returned her kiss with a hunger long denied. She gasped when Fate pulled away with a shaky laugh.

"We can't wait any longer, Nanoha. You're hurt and cold. We must get you inside." Raising her head, but maintaining her fierce hold on the woman in her arms, she called out, "Zafira, help me to get her up!"

A tall man pulled the last of the debris free and moved through the darkness to their side. He carefully lifted Nanoha to her feet. Fate rose unsteadily beside them, her hand clasped in Nanoha's. Together they made their way slowly up to Testarossa Manor.

* * *

**A/N:** I so loved this chapter… so heart melting (is that even a word hahaha)… The next chapter is something really special, so just sit back and wait guys hehehe… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Sixteen**

The doctor spoke to Fate outside Nanoha's room after finishing his examination.

"She's badly bruised, and I suspect there's a sprain of the left shoulder, but no permanent damage. She needs to be kept warm and to get plenty of rest for the next few days. She's going to be fine." He observed the strained, pale face of the woman before him and added, "You could use a hot bath and some rest yourself, Ms. Testarossa."

"Yes, of course," Fate replied absently, her mind occupied only with her concern for Nanoha. She turned to push open Nanoha's door and found Lindy in her path.

"What is it?" she asked in exasperation.

All she wanted was to be alone with Nanoha. She needed to be certain that she was safe.

"You're soaked through and shaking. You need a hot bath and you're not going in there until you have one." Lindy steeled herself for what she knew was coming.

As expected, Fate's well-known temper ignited.

"Please step aside, Lindy," Fate ordered, reaching toward the door. "I intend to see her, and I intend to see her _now_."

Very quietly, Lindy responded,

"Sweetheart, your face and hands are scratched and bleeding. You're going to scare her to death if you don't get cleaned up. Do you want her worrying about you when she should be resting?"

Fate paused, wanting to argue but knowing Lindy was right.

"All right, a quick one," she relented. "Please tell her I won't be long."

It was in fact only a few moments before she approached Nanoha's door once again, and smelled the aroma of hot tea. She followed the scent into Nanoha's room. Lindy efficiently set up a tray and pulled a chair close to the bedside, carefully directing Fate to it.

"Now, both of you drink some of this tea," she instructed. "There's biscuits there as well." She poured two cups, guiding Fate's hand to them, and turned to leave. Nanoha's face was white, but the eyes she fixed on Fate's face appeared free of pain. Neither woman noticed as Lindy pulled the door gently closed behind her.

"Nanoha?" Fate asked uncertainly, leaning forward on the edge of the bed, "Are you all right?"

"I'm much better now," Nanoha answered softly.

Fate had a welt under her right eye and a scrape on her chin where a tree limb had struck her. Even worse were the many little cuts on her hands. Thank god none of them appeared serious.

"You really shouldn't be doing that sort of thing with your hands, you know. They're too precious."

"Yes, well so are you," Fate replied in a moment of unguarded honesty.

She was still shaken from the accident, and not being able to see Nanoha, to assure herself she was truly all right, was driving her mad. She attempted to rein in her emotions, teasing lightly,

"I promise I won't do it again if you promise to stay away from falling trees."

"On my honor," Nanoha whispered.

Fate's tenderness after their weeks of estrangement, combined with the memory of her kiss moments before, had her emotions in turmoil. She needed Fate's comfort, and here she was, gentle and attentive.

"You should rest now," Fate murmured.

She edged closer carefully, finding Nanoha's hand with her own. She traced the fragile network of veins with her sensitive fingertips, allowing her hands to trail slowly up Nanoha's bare arms. Nanoha lay transfixed, scarcely able to breathe. She had the feeling that Fate was not aware of her actions, and that as soon as Fate realized what she was doing, she would stop. Nanoha fervently did not want her to stop. Now that Fate had relaxed her rigid vigilance, Nanoha felt the full power of Fate's emotional intensity for the first time. The possessive look on Fate's face combined with the touch of her hands was melting her with longing. The heat rising in her body overpowered the pain of her bruises.

"I have some pills for the pain," Fate said at length.

She held Nanoha's hand against her cheek, her fingers folded about Nanoha's. She was very slowly brushing the backs of Nanoha's fingers against her skin.

"I don't need them," Nanoha whispered, her throat tight with desire.

Fate brought one hand to Nanoha's face and slowly ran a few strands of her hair through her fingers. It was so soft, silken - mesmerizing in its simple beauty. She wanted nothing more than to sit here like this with Nanoha safe beside her.

"You should sleep. I'll be here," she murmured.

Nanoha drew a shuddering breath. Fate was so tender, and her touch was piercing. Nanoha knew she had never been touched like this before.

"You should go, Fate," Nanoha said with effort.

She couldn't bear the thought of Fate leaving, but Fate had been through as much as she. The hand that held hers trembled.

"You look exhausted."

"Not yet," Fate said in a tone that broached no argument.

"Then at least lie down with me," Nanoha demanded boldly, "or I won't sleep either."

Fate frowned. "You are rather pig-headed yourself," she remarked darkly.

No one had ever been able to sway her the way Nanoha seemed to. Not even Shari with all her wiles had been as hard to resist.

"I'm serious, Fate," Nanoha persisted,

Detecting a rare moment of weakness in Fate's usually impenetrable defenses.

"Either you lie down with me or I'll stay awake, too."

Fate could not bring herself to leave, although she refused to consider why. With a sigh of exasperation she stretched out beside Nanoha, her back against the broad head-board, one arm around Nanoha's shoulders.

"All right now," Fate insisted, "close your eyes."

Almost instinctively, Nanoha moved so that she was reclining in Fate's arms, her cheek against Fate's chest. She wrapped her uninjured arm around Fate's waist and closed her eyes. To her amazement, she soon began to drift.

"Don't leave," she murmured groggily.

If she hadn't been compromised by physical and emotional stress, she never would have asked.

"I won't," Fate promised, kissing the top of her head.

If she hadn't been so recently terrified for Nanoha's life, she never would have stayed.

* * *

It was fully dark when Nanoha opened her eyes. Fate was still beside her, her cheek resting against Nanoha's hair, one hand rhythmically stroking the bare skin of her shoulder. In her sleep Nanoha had thrown one leg over Fate's, and she lay tightly pressed to her now. Nanoha knew she was wet, and wondered if Fate could feel it. Nanoha shifted beneath the light sheet so her breasts rested more fully against Fate's chest. She was rewarded with a swift gasp from Fate.

"Fate," she whispered, raising herself until their lips were nearly touching.

She could feel the heat radiate from Fate now, too. Fate was scarcely breathing, straining for control. Nanoha shifted deliberately until her entire length rested upon Fate's body. Her nipples tensed, and she rubbed them slowly back and forth across Fate's chest. When Nanoha rocked against Fate's leg, a fine shudder passed through Fate's form. Relentless now with need, Nanoha slipped one hand along the front of Fate's trousers, trailing her fingers down Fate's thigh.

"Make love to me," Nanoha whispered in a voice husky with desire. "Please, Fate, please - I need you so much."

"I can't," Fate choked, shaking with the effort to contain her arousal.

Nanoha's hand pressed into Fate's thigh, sliding higher with deliberate strokes.

"Oh god, Nanoha don't," Fate groaned,

Her hips rising to Nanoha's touch of their own volition. She was losing focus, the aching in her pelvis traveling in waves into her belly and beyond.

"You can't know what you're asking!"

Fate was wet against Nanoha's palm where she held her, and Nanoha saw a hunger in Fate's face that was undeniable. She sensed Fate's fear and resistance too, but she was too far gone to care. Nanoha was completely at the mercy of her own driving need, motivated by an instinct as essential as that to breathe.

"I _do_ know what I'm asking," she gasped," and so do you! Do you want me to beg?"

Fate hesitated still, her head pounding, trying to ignore the building pressure to move against Nanoha's hand. Her body was in mutiny. She was afraid she might come at the slightest touch.

"Nanoha, you're hurt!" she protested weakly.

"All I can feel is how much I need you to touch me. I'm ready to explode - I'm so swollen - oh, god - Fate - " Nanoha groaned through a haze of overwhelming need,

Her body surging against the reed slender woman in her arms. She caught Fate's hand and brought it to the aching fullness of her breast.

"Please -"

With that touch Fate's restraint broke at last. She yielded to a tidal wave of lust with a strangled cry. Her hands were upon Nanoha with a force that took the breath from Nanoha's body. Sweeping like wildfire down the planes of Nanoha's abdomen, along her thighs, ascending just as quickly to stroke her neck and breasts, Fate's touch stirred a searing heat that set Nanoha's nerve ends burning. She felt herself dissolving into molten liquid, her speech reduced to small cries that became incoherent whimpers as her body arched to Fate, desperately offering all of herself. Fate's lips were on her neck, murmuring her name like a benediction. She eased her body over Nanoha's, brushing the covers aside, one hand seeking between Nanoha's legs. She thrilled to the welcoming warmth, parting the engorged lips, groaning as she slipped into Nanoha's silken depths. She clenched her jaw, willing herself to go slowly, struggling with the shattering urge to claim Nanoha with all the power of her passion.

"Oh god, Fate," Nanoha cried out as Fate filled her, willing her deeper, thrusting to contain all of her. Fate's mouth bruised her lips, the fabric of Fate's shirt chaffed her swollen nipples, and the exquisite motion of Fate's fingers within her inflamed her senses.

"Oh, no," she gasped urgently as her hips began to rock involuntarily. Her clit was tingling, jumping with the rhythm of Fate's thrusting fingers. _Oh god - not so soon!_ "Fate wait!"

It was already too late. Muscles clenched and tightened, she sobbed as her body, long denied, found release. She clutched Fate's shoulders, strangling on her own throaty cries. Endlessly, her peaked, only to be driven to a higher plateau by the insistent stroking of Fate's finely tuned hands, until she lay exhausted, able only to murmur,

"Enough, my darling, I'll die from you."

Fate laughed gently, her fingers quieting, but not withdrawing. She settled Nanoha firmly against her, breathing into her hair,

"Oh no, love, you won't die from this. Never from this."

Through a curtain of languorous fatigue, Nanoha saw Fate's dark eyes upon her face, tender and deep with passion. To see her so stopped the breath in her throat, she loved her so much. Nanoha pressed closer to her, whispering,

"Just hold me, please."

"Anything," Fate murmured as Nanoha drifted into sleep.

* * *

Nanoha awakened slowly, her body still pulsing with sensation. Fate still held her tightly. She lay with her eyes closed, savoring the sweet satisfaction of Fate's nearness and the lingering aftermath of their lovemaking. She didn't move when she felt a featherlight touch upon her cheek, remaining silent as Fate's fingers traced her face. As gently as butterflies on spring blossoms, Fate stroked her brows, each eyelid, and the line of her lips and nose. With both hands she cupped Nanoha's face, her thumbs brushing across the bones of her cheek to sweep along her jaw and chin. A fingertip pressed against the pulse beating in her neck, then moved to circle the curve of her ear. When at last the gently probing hands quieted on her skin, Nanoha questioned softly,

"Can you see me?"

Fate smiled faintly. "Yes."

"You make me feel beautiful," Nanoha confessed shyly.

"You _are _beautiful, Nanoha." Fate kissed her softly, reverently.

Nanoha smiled, then stretched indolently, trying to dispel the intoxicating lethargy Fate's touch induced. She shifted on the bed, one hand resting on Fate's abdomen. Muscles fluttered beneath her fingers. Being this close to Fate kept her constantly aroused. It was a new experience, one that left her breathless. Fate, ever sensitive, raised one questioning eyebrow.

"What is it?"

"I want to look at you all of you," Nanoha replied, tugging at Fate's shirt, brushing her fingers along the taut muscles beneath.

She slipped her hand beneath the waistband of the tailored linen trousers, her pulse racing as Fate groaned and shuddered faintly at the touch.

"Let me touch you," Nanoha whispered against Fate's neck.

Nanoha's need to have this enigmatic woman was as great as her need to be taken by her just a short time ago. Fate flushed, but sat up slightly and began to unbutton her shirt. She shrugged the soft material from her shoulders and reached for the zipper on her trousers. Nanoha's hand grasped hers as Nanoha whispered,

"Let me."

Fate raised her hips as Nanoha slid the last of her clothing away.

"God, you're perfect," Nanoha breathed, gazing at the sweeping planes of Fate's long form.

As slowly as she knew how, Nanoha began to touch her, lingering over each curve and hollow of her body, exploring her with her hands and lips. Nanoha wanted to make this moment last forever, and even as Fate's breathing quickened, her body undulating under Nanoha's caresses, Nanoha went slowly. With her mouth she began a slow descent from Fate's neck, teasing each nipple before she traced a path down Fate's quivering abdomen. Fate opened before her, arching gently up to meet her tongue, her breath rasping in her throat. As Nanoha's lips drew on her engorged clitoris, she moaned softly, her fingers entwining in Nanoha's hair. Nanoha had never known such tender power before. She thrilled to her ability to please this woman who had given her such exquisite pleasure. Her tongue stroked each ripe fold, moving with the surges of Fate's body, matching her rhythm to that of her beloved. She was drunk with the taste of her, drowning in her rich nectar. Fate groaned, grasped Nanoha's hands tightly, and arched against her lips.

"Ah, Nanoha - my love," she whispered brokenly, finally giving in to the relentless driving pressure to come.

Nanoha struggled to hear her through the deafening roar of her own raging lust. She moaned with each quake that rippled through Fate's body, holding fast to the slender hips until Fate quieted. Were it not for Fate calling her name, she would have gladly stayed there, senses overflowing, for time out of mind. Eventually Fate's hands gently drawing her upwards brought her back to herself.

"Come here," Fate whispered, "let me feel you close to me."

Nanoha moved to lie beside her, her heart contracting at the sight of tears streaking Fate's cheeks. She thought she might come apart. She wanted so much to ease the pain Fate had suffered for so long. Softly she brushed the tears away. Her lips caressed the scar on Fate's brow, lingering over each translucent eyelid. Fate's lips parted in silent pleasure and a long sigh escaped her.

"You make me feel more than I ever imagined possible," Nanoha murmured against the ivory column of Fate's neck. "It's almost more than my heart can contain."

Fate caressed her gently as Nanoha slipped once more into satisfied sleep. Fate lay quietly for a long time, trying to absorb every sensation, every sound, every scent that was Nanoha. She filled her heart, and her mind, and her memory with her. At last she slipped from the bed, leaning down to softly kiss the sleeping woman.

"You are more beautiful than any music I have ever heard," she whispered.

* * *

The sun rose over Testarossa Manor's grand expanses, but the brilliance of the changing dawn colors was lost on the woman who stood high above the sea. The brisk ocean breeze tossed her hair into her eyes, but she did not lift a hand to shield them. The tears on her face were not from the wind, nor the shivering in her body from the piercing cold. In the long years of her exile, she had never been so alone. Her defenses had been breached, her heart wrent by the gentle touch of a woman's lips. She remembered with shattering clarity each sensation - the longing, and the wonder, and the miracle of communion, body and soul. She could not drive the memory of the past from her thoughts - the complete desolation of the spirit she had suffered when Shari left her. She feared that ultimately her need would force Nanoha to leave her, too. She knew with utter certainty that this would be a pain she could not bear a second time in her life. Despite the years, the wounds still bled, and she could not banish the fear. She had not sought this love; in fact she had hidden herself from the very possibility of it all this time. She cried for what she had done, and what she must do. Finally, she returned to the house to await Nanoha's awakening, and to seal her own fate.

Nanoha knew instinctively as she reached out that she was alone.

"Fate?" she called.

"I'm here, Nanoha," Fate answered from her place by the window. "How do you feel?

Nanoha rolled over and pushed herself up in bed. She regarded Fate carefully. She had grown too used to the nuances of Fate's posture and tone of voice not to know when she was distressed.

"I'm stiff, and sore just about everywhere, but nothing feels serious," she replied cautiously.

"Good," Fate sighed. She gathered herself for the hardest words she would ever say. "Nanoha, I must talk to you about last night."

Nanoha closed her eyes, her stomach tightening. Last night she didn't need to think all she knew was the joy of Fate's presence. She didn't need to think now to know she had been more deeply moved by Fate's touch than any other event in her life. She didn't need words to capture the ecstasy of loving this woman. Her skin still tingled from the stroke of Fate's hands, her body stirred with desire at the sight of her. She loved her, more passionately than she would have believed possible. Fate Testarossa had claimed her, willingly or not heart, body and soul.

"You don't need to say anything, Fate," Nanoha replied. "Last night, with you, was more beautiful than anything I've ever experienced. No one has ever touched me -"

Fate interrupted her harshly. She could not bear to hear these words!

"Nanoha, you were hurt, vulnerable you needed comforting! I - I was frightened I forgot myself. It wasn't meant. I'm sorry."

"What are you saying? Are you trying to tell me last night was some kind of _mistake_?!" Nanoha asked incredulously. She stared at Fate uncomprehendingly. "You can't mean that! For Gods sake, Fate -"

"We were both frightened, exhausted - I took advantage," Fate stated flatly.

"Fate! _I_ asked you into my bed I've been wanting, _needing_ you, for so long! God Fate! I _love_ you," Nanoha cried vehemently.

Fate groaned. "Nanoha… Nanoha, you must not!" She drew a deep breath, her face set. "Last night should never have happened. I have no desire for it to be repeated. I do not want that kind of relationship with you."

"And you expect me to simply forget it? What we shared - the way it felt to touch you?" Nanoha questioned grimly, her hurt and bewilderment giving way to anger. "And what am I supposed to do with my _feelings_ for you, Fate? Am I to ignore them the way you seem to be able to? "

Fate gave no sign that Nanoha's words affected her at all.

"There can be no question of anything other than a friendship between us. If I've misled you, I apologize."

Nanoha wanted to scream; part of her wanted to beg. How could she be alone in this? She had felt love in Fate's touch she had heard it as Fate whispered her name! She stared at Fate, a cold hand gripping her heart.

"Are you sure?" she asked at last.

"I'm quite sure." Her face betrayed not a flicker of emotion.

"Then I'll be leaving Testarossa Manor as soon as I can make arrangements," Nanoha replied hollowly, her mind numb with pain.

Fate clenched her hands, steeling herself against the crushing desolation.

"Of course, if you think you must."

Nanoha watched her cross to the door, knowing this might be the last time she saw her. As Fate's hand touched the knob, Nanoha said coldly,

"Damn you for a coward, Fate Testarossa! How can you do this!"

Fate faltered for a second before wordlessly closing the door gently behind her.

* * *

"At least tell me what's she's done!" Lindy cried frantically as she watched Nanoha pile boxes into the back of her Jeep.

"She hasn't _done_ anything," Nanoha replied woodenly. "She's exactly the same as she's always been - I was the one who made the mistake."

"Let me talk to her," Lindy pleaded. "Just tell me what happened!"

Nanoha stifled a laugh that verged on tears. She felt dangerously out of control. _Poor Lindy, this is almost as hard on her as it is on me! The only one who seems unaffected is Fate._

"There's nothing you can do, Lindy," she responded when she could find her voice.

Lindy stopped her hurried motions with a hand on her arm, forcing Nanoha to look at her.

"Nanoha," she said quietly, "it will kill her if you leave."

"No, Lindy," Nanoha said as she gently removed her hand and stepped up into the Jeep. "It will kill me."

She did not look back as she drove away from all she loved.

* * *

**A/N:** Only a few chapters left… I think we will be finished this week (and I hope I can finished a new chapter of **"The Forgotten Sky"** by then…) This chapter is a combination of mixed feelings so guys, behave on the comments hahaha… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Seventeen**

She woke before the alarm after another restless night. She turned toward the window, seeking a hint of the sun through the glass. Even after all this time she still missed the smell of the ocean. She lay quietly, waiting for the ache in her to lessen. It was there each day when she opened her eyes, arising from some deep wound that would not heal. Pain was her constant companion, a raw burning grief that clouded even the most simple pleasures. She had learned to accept it as she accepted that there was a place in her soul which would remain forever empty. That she loved Fate still, would always love her, was the truth and the agony she lived with.

After the first desolate weeks alone again in Boston, she tried to reclaim her life. She immersed herself in her studies and had only to complete her thesis to have her degree. She had no social life and desired none. There was no question of re-entering the world she had known during her marriage a world now foreign to her. Loving Fate had taught her that she could only have loved with such deep passion and paralyzing desire because Fate was a woman. And she knew without doubt that no other woman could ever eclipse Fate in her heart. She had wanted Fate with a ferocity that still stunned her. She need only to recall some fleeting image, and she would be ambushed by desire her need to touch her, to taste her, to lose herself in her was palpable. Nanoha welcomed these moments, despite the bitter pain of loss, because it was only their presence that convinced her some part of her still lived. Otherwise, she moved through her days numb and scarcely present. The future stretched before her with no hint of joy.

The alarm sounded, a reminder that each day would come, and that she would somehow survive. As she moved about her small studio apartment gathering her things, she tried to dispel the lingering memories of her past. Woven through the tapestry of loss was a hard bitter thread of anger, anger over the life, and the love, she might have had - things too painful to dwell on now.

She still found it hard to believe the direction her life had taken. She now worked for a landscape design firm, a job that a year ago she would have been overjoyed to have. She did enjoy her work, in fact, it was her salvation, but the pleasure was diminished by the emptiness of the rest of her life. She barely remembered how she had gotten through that initial interview.

Arisa Bunnings, a nationally renowned landscape architect and one of a very few women to head her own firm, had interviewed her personally. Nanoha recalled that she had been both direct and personable, questioning Nanoha thoroughly but in an easy relaxed manner. Apparently she had been impressed by Nanoha's graduate work on historic estate renovations, an area she said her firm was interested in exploring. Although it seemed now to Nanoha that she had floated through the interview in a daze, she must have made a favorable impression. She had been there six months. She grabbed her briefcase and hurried toward the door. She needed this job, but more importantly, she needed to work. It was the only thing which provided brief respite from her memories.

Nanoha was sketching in the details of an outdoor theatre when someone tapped on the wall of her work cubicle. She looked up to find Arisa leaning against the partition. It wasn't unusual for Arisa Bunnings to supervise the work of her staff personally, but she managed to do it in a way that was both non-threatening and non-intrusive. Those who worked for her knew how fortunate they were to have an employer who was talented as well as fair-minded.

Nanoha smiled a greeting, laying her work aside.

"Hi."

"Hi. How's the prospectus for the Gaiz estate?"

Arisa was dressed casually in a navy linen pants suit that accentuated her trim athletic build. She could have been thirty-five, although Nanoha knew she was at least ten years older. She radiated confidence and vigorous good health. Her blonde hair was stylishly short, and she wore almost no makeup.

"Good, I think. I have some things to run by Erio, and then it should be ready for you to look at."

Arisa nodded.

"Excellent. We're ahead of schedule, which should appease those elements on Gaiz's board of directors who thought the project should go to Jail Scaglietti across town."

Despite her firms national reputation, there were always those who mistrusted the ability of a woman to excel in a mans field. This job was her entree into the realm of historic renovation she had been waiting for.

Arisa hesitated a second, then asked,

"How about a working dinner tonight? I'd like to hear what you've come up with so far, but I've got clients scheduled all afternoon. If you don't have other plans? I know its Friday night."

A shadow flickered across Nanoha's face and was quickly gone.

"No," she said quietly, "I don't have any plans. Dinner would be fine. Should I meet you somewhere?"

"Why don't we just grab a cab from here?"

Arisa hadn't missed the reaction her invitation had provoked. Whatever the memory, it had hurt. She said nothing further, knowing Nanoha was intensely private.

Nanoha nodded,

"Okay."

Arisa smiled warmly.

"Good I'm looking forward to it."

* * *

At six o'clock Arisa stopped in the corridor beside Nanoha's desk.

"Are you ready to finish up? The cab should be downstairs in about fifteen minutes."

Nanoha smiled up at her, nodding.

"I'm more than ready. I'll just freshen up and meet you outside."

Arisa held the cab door open while Nanoha slid in, then instructed the driver,

"The Copely Plaza, please," as she settled next to Nanoha with a sigh. "God, I've been looking forward to this all day."

"I might be a little under-dressed for the Copely," Nanoha said, indicating her casual slacks and sweater.

Arisa turned her head to look at Nanoha.

"Nonsense. You look terrific," she said softly.

The woman beside her had lost the deep tan that had accentuated her blue eyes and auburn hair so strikingly six months before, but she had also lost the haunted look that seemed to shadow her every moment. She smiled occasionally now, a blazing smile that never failed to capture Arisa's attention for just long enough to be distracting. Pleasantly distracting.

Nanoha blushed under Arisa's warm, appraising glance. It was nothing like the way men had looked at her, still did in fact. She didn't feel as if she were being assessed like a painting about to be purchased, or a fine wine about to be consumed. Arisa's glance was appreciative, and intimate in a respectful way. It was the first time Nanoha had ever been aware of a woman looking at her in quite that manner. Would Fate have, if she could have seen her? Without warning she remembered the way Fate had stroked her face after they made love, seeing her in the only way she could. Nanoha recognized the sensuality of Arisa's gaze because she had felt it, magnified a thousand times, in Fate's hands on her skin. The image was so painful she closed her eyes with a small gasp.

"What is it?" Arisa asked in concern.

"Just a headache," Nanoha said with a shaky laugh. "I think I forgot lunch and it's catching up with me."

"Well, dinner is on the company," Arisa said, almost as if she didn't own it. "Let's enjoy it!"

She doubted the headache story; she had seen the same thing happen to Nanoha before. Some word or gesture would inexplicably cause her to pale, visibly shaken. Something had hurt her badly, and Arisa guessed that Nanoha kept the anguish at bay through sheer strength of will. Nanoha's struggle touched some deep cord in Arisa, as she watched the younger woman slowly rise above her pain over the past months.

"Come on," she said, touching Nanoha's hand briefly. "Let me buy you a drink."

Nanoha forced herself to relax, wanting to forget everything for just a little while. She decided to try to enjoy herself, and before she knew it, she was seated with Arisa at a cozy table sipping a very fine wine.

At Arisa's suggestion, they got business out of the way while they waited for appetizers, so that by the time their meal came, their conversation was casual. Nanoha found Arisa an easy companion. Her interests beyond the professional were varied, and she had a way of bringing images to life with her enthusiasm. She was bright, gracious and altogether charming. For the first time in months Nanoha found she could actually distance herself from the despair that seemed to be the undercurrent of her life. She was grateful for the brief surcease of pain.

"Nanoha," Arisa said as she reached to fill Nanoha's wine glass, "you have been doing excellent work at the firm, and I consider us lucky to have you. I hope you plan to stay on with us for the long-term. There will be plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Nanoha stared at her in surprise. She hadn't expected Arisa to notice her work, let alone comment so favorably upon it. She was pleased and said so.

Arisa nodded, her face uncharacteristically subdued. She fidgeted briefly with her straw, then tossed it onto the table with a sigh.

"There's never an easy way to do this, at least none that I've ever found," she said at length. "But I want you to understand that this has absolutely nothing to do with work, and never will. No matter what you say to me, your position at the firm is based upon your production, and your skill - nothing else."

Nanoha looked at her quizzically.

"I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about," she said.

Arisa blushed and laughed lightly.

"How could you? I'm not saying anything!" She leaned forward slightly, her intense grey eyes fixed on Nanoha's. "Nanoha I think you are a very attractive woman, and I like you. I would very much like to spend more time with you socially. Well, romantically actually."

Nanoha stared at her, at a loss for words. Arisa was highly attractive in many ways - bright, accomplished, physically compelling, and Nanoha was more comfortable with her than she had been in months. Part of her wanted this woman to make her forget Fate Testarossa.

Arisa waited in silence, then asked softly,

"Have I misread you? If I have, I apologize."

Nanoha cleared her throat, then responded,

"No, you haven't I mean, I am a lesbian."

Arisa added in concern,

"I have never asked an employee out before. I meant it, Nanoha don't think for a second that this has any bearing on your position at the firm. Please!"

Nanoha searched for her voice.

"I don't it doesn't feel that way, and neither do you."

She looked at the woman across from her, imagining her touch, her kiss. She had grown to admire and respect Arisa, and after tonight she knew she liked her. She wondered if she could let Arisa make love to her body, if the physical sensation might even be welcome, if it somehow might dull her memory of Fate even briefly. She longed for some relief from the endless torment, but she knew without a shred of doubt she could never give Arisa her heart. That was no longer hers to own, or to give. She was Fate's, in every fiber of her being, and always would be. She looked at Arisa helplessly,

"It's not that – it's just -, I can't, Arisa, I'm sorry"

Arisa thought she detected tears in her eyes.

"Hey," she said softly, "its okay. I didn't mean to upset you."

Nanoha shook her head, brushing impatiently at the moisture on her cheeks.

"You haven't this has been the best night I've spent in months. And if things were different"

Arisa hurried to state,

"I don't want to get in the middle of anything if you're already involved with someone. I've never heard you mention anyone."

"No," Nanoha answered, the pain in her voice impossible to hide. "I'm not involved with anyone."

"But?" Arisa questioned gently.

Nanoha's gaze was wounded.

"But there is someone I love, very much someone who apparently doesn't love me. But that doesn't stop the wanting does it?"

Arisa looked at her sympathetically.

"No, it doesn't. Perhaps time will help. I've enjoyed our evening together. And I'd like to do it again sometime. I appreciate your honesty, Nanoha, and if the time comes that you might feel differently about seeing me, I'll consider myself lucky. Til then friends?"

Nanoha smiled tremulously. "I could use a friend. Thank you, Arisa."

* * *

**A/N:** I'm doing a double chapter update tonight because I might not be able to update tomorrow (I have a 38.7 fever and reading makes me dizzy)… If I have miss or did a typo error please do inform me so I can change it… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	18. Chapter 18

I would like to say **~Thank You~** to the following people: **Kuraa, Vylria, Religion0, FujinoT, ZonaRose, Lance58, sgtrangin, 1e, megamar, Passerby-A, phoenixnext, YuriLover24, NxF, hantoscute, ILoveMilk, FateKitty, & the others** for sparing some time to review... :p

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Eighteen**

As time passed Arisa proved true to her word. On the average of once a week, she invited Nanoha to the theatre or out for dinner. The only place Nanoha refused to accompany her was to the symphony. Nanoha hadn't been able to listen to any kind of music that reminded her of Fate, and the thought of a concert hall brought twisting pain to her depths. In her mind, the concert stage would always belong to Fate; her memory held so many images of her there. Seeing Nanoha's response the first time she asked her, Arisa never asked her again.

Nanoha enjoyed their time together, coming to value their relationship immensely. She would not speak of her past, and Arisa did not press her. When they parted, Arisa kissed her lightly on the cheek. It didn't escape Nanoha's notice that occasionally Arisa would look at her with a question in her eyes, but Nanoha never felt pressured to move their relationship onto a more intimate level. Nanoha hoped that their friendship was as rewarding to Arisa as it had come to be to her.

Early one morning the phone on her desk rang. It was Arisa.

"Can I see you in my office for a minute?"

"I'll be right there," Nanoha replied, rolling up the plan she had been working on.

When Nanoha entered, Arisa motioned for Nanoha to join her at the large drafting table situated before the enormous windows overlooking the Boston Commons. She indicated a layout pinned to the board. She was clearly excited.

"The Gaiz renovations have progressed exceptionally well. The article featuring our work in the Times last weekend has really fostered interest in estate reclamation. This area is ripe for it. I think its time to push the promotional we discussed when you first interviewed. I'd like to use your work at Testarossa Manor as the centerpiece. It's one of the oldest estates on the Cape and will be easily recognized by prospective clients. Since Testarossa Manor is so well known to you, and the concept of marketing estate landscape restoration is really yours as well, I'd like you to oversee the project. We'll need detailed plans, as well as photo documentation. I want you to put your other projects on hold until this is off the ground."

Nanoha stood stunned and speechless, while Arisa looked at her expectantly. Of course she should be honored that Arisa would entrust such an important project to her direction, and it was what she had been training to do but, oh god, not at Testarossa Manor! Her composure threatened to give way under a wave of panic.

"I can't," she finally whispered.

Arisa stared at her in astonishment.

"What do you mean, you can't? Is it because of your thesis? I thought you had that nearly wrapped up."

"No," Nanoha forced herself to say calmly. "I'll work on the promotional anything else you want. Anything. But I can't do the work on Testarossa Manor."

"But Nanoha, I want Testarossa Manor as the main work. That's where I need you!"

Nanoha passed a trembling hand across her face, trying to gather her wits. Just the mention of Testarossa Manor had brought a flood of memories, and such pain she thought she might be ill. God, what would she do if she actually had to see Fate? It was impossible! She couldn't do it!

"Nanoha, we're friends. Tell me what this is all about."

Arisa laid her hand gently on Nanoha's arm, her concern genuine. Nanoha was trembling. Nanoha turned to face her, an agony of despair clearly visible. Arisa had never seen such desolation, and her heart surged with compassion.

"Tell me, sweetheart."

"I can't go back to Testarossa Manor," Nanoha said at last, her voice shaking.

"Why not?"

"Fate" Nanoha began, barely able to say her name. "I can't see her. I can't." She looked at Arisa pleadingly. "Please don't ask me to, Arisa. It would kill me."

Arisa studied her for long moments, the pieces slowly falling into place. She knew that Nanoha had lived at Testarossa Manor but had never given it any thought. Now Nanoha's isolation and depression were more understandable.

"Fate Testarossa - the composer," Arisa said softly. "She's the woman you're in love with, isn't she?"

Nanoha closed her eyes, trying to stem the tears, failing.

"Yes,"

She choked out, turning from her friend, struggling for control. She felt a tender hand on her shoulder, heard a soft voice murmur her name, and she turned into the arms that waited for her. Arisa held her gently, letting her cry, not trying to tell her it as all right when it so obviously wasn't. At length Nanoha drew away, fumbling for a tissue, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't expect this - if I don't think about her, I seem to be able to manage. You took me by surprise."

Arisa let out a long breath.

"Nanoha, you've always been honest with me and I care about you. I don't want to see you suffer like this any longer, and I'll admit not all of my reasons are selfless ones. I won't pretend that I don't want more from our relationship, but this isn't about that. This is destroying you. You need to give her up you have the rest of your life, don't allow it to be an empty one. Maybe if you work on the project, it will help you heal."

Nanoha laughed almost hysterically.

"Heal? You can't heal what's already dead, and that's what I am inside, Arisa. Dead. All I'm trying to do now is make it from day to day. If I have to see Fate, I won't even be able to do that! She's not something I can just give up! She's in every part of me. You can't imagine what being near her is like for me!"

Arisa winced at the truth of Nanoha's words. It wasn't easy to be faced with the extent of Nanoha's passion for another woman, but nevertheless her tone was kind as she offered,

"You won't have to see her. She isn't there."

Nanoha grasped the edge of the table, her head suddenly light.

"Oh, dear god, has something happened to her? Is she all right?"

"As far as I know, she is. Gil Graham told me that no one had been in residence at Testarossa Manor since last fall, but that he would provide us with keys if we needed access."

Seeing the look of panic on Nanoha's face, she added gently,

"That's really all I know."

Nanoha forced down the surge of panic.

"I can't make a decision about this now, Arisa. Give me a little time just a few day, please."

Arisa nodded, reluctantly accepting that Nanoha's heart still belonged completely to Fate Testarossa. Despite her own disappointment, as a friend, she would have to let Nanoha find her own way.

"I'll need your answer by the end of next week," she conceded.

* * *

That night Nanoha dreamed of Testarossa Manor, and of Fate. A storm was coming, like the storm that brought down the sycamore. She was in the garden, the sky darkening around her. Turning to the sea, she saw Fate standing at the edge of the cliff, struggling to stay upright in the gale. She seemed even thinner in the distant gloom, wraithlike, and in danger of being swept from the earth by the force of the snarling winds. Nanoha's cries to her were flung back in her face by the howling blasts. She must reach her!

"Fate, I'm coming," she screamed soundlessly, "I'm coming, my darling!"

She fought to move, choking with panic, able only to watch in horror as Fate was flung by the whirlwind into the raging waters.

"No!" she wailed into the night, finally dragging herself to consciousness.

She lay gasping, soaked in sweat, her face streaked with tears. The aftermath of her dream left her awash with loss.

"Oh God Fate," she whispered into the darkness, "I love you so much."

* * *

Nanoha drove slowly up the drive to Testarossa Manor, her heart pounding. Testarossa Manor appeared abandoned, dark and foreboding. The shutters were all closed, and windswept debris littered the walks and the wide front porch. She parked her Jeep behind the house by the kitchen and walked down the steep garden path toward the sea. She stopped at the site of the fallen sycamore, thinking of how that accident had finally brought Fate into her arms. Oh, god, she thought she had found heaven. How could she have been so wrong!

She stood for many minutes looking out to the sea, images flashing through her mind like slides on a screen. She recalled how Fate had looked that first day in the library, pale and stern, and so stubborn and proud! She had been drawn to her even then. She remembered the slow building of her love as she had come to know more of the gentle, tortured soul Fate kept hidden within. What finally started tears flowing was the memory of Fate's music its haunting beauty and the even more beautiful image of Fate playing. As the music cascaded through her mind, so too did the remembrance of their lovemaking. She ached for Fate's touch, and to touch her in return.

Watching the waves crash below, ominous in their fury, she was reminded of the desolation she had felt in her dream. She couldn't continue to live like this. Nanoha felt a strange steeling of her heart, and a new determination. Replacing the pain that accompanied each breath was a rising anger, and the resolution to put an end to this torment. As she turned and began the long climb back, Nanoha became aware of another sensations in her heart. She finally recognized that it was hope.

* * *

**A/N:** And the wait is over, Nanoha and Fate meeting again on the next chapter… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Nineteen **

"I'm afraid I simply cannot reveal that information. I'm truly sorry."

Nanoha looked at Gil Graham and repeated determinedly,

"I must see her. Where has she gone?"

Graham sighed.

"I have strict instructions that no one is to be given that information. If you'd like, you can leave a message."

His look suggested there was little chance that Fate would return anyone's message.

Nanoha shook her head.

"No, I need to talk to her in person."

"If it were a matter of life or death, perhaps."

"Mr. Graham, it _is_ a matter of life or death. My life and hers."

Seeing the surprised look on his face, Nanoha continued, her eyes locked on his.

"I love Fate Testarossa. And she loves me I hope. I let her drive me away, but I can't believe that's what she really wants. Please, I must see her. Now, before it's too late."

Even as she spoke, she struggled with a strange sense of foreboding. She couldn't dispel the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

Gil Graham pushed his chair back and went to stand at the windows that rose above Boston Harbor. As his silence grew, Nanoha remained still, scarcely daring to breathe. When he spoke at last, it was as if to himself.

"I have known Fate Testarossa since she was a young girl. Her father was one of my closest friends. Fate's accident nearly killed him, but you must know that," he said, turning to look fully at Nanoha. "Fate survived, but something vital was lost her joy, her incredible passion, her great talent all gone. We all lost something as a result - and the world lost a great artist."

Nanoha nodded.

"I know that but it doesn't have to be that way. It's still part of her, Mr. Graham - undiminished. She's been hurt, and she's afraid. _I_ was afraid, and I failed us both. Please help us."

Graham bent over his desk, wrote quickly on a piece of stationery and handed the slip of paper across the desk to Nanoha.

"I wish you luck, my dear. For all of our sakes."

* * *

"Oh my lord, is it really you?"

Nanoha swept Lindy up into her arms, hugging her fiercely.

"Yes, Lindy, it's really me."

She stepped back to gaze at the older woman, instantly struck by the distress and worry in her face. For the first time since Nanoha had known her, she looked every one of her sixty-five years. Something was wrong.

"Is she here, Lindy?"

Lindy nodded.

"She's out in the gazebo." Lindy's voice caught on a sob, and she turned away to hide her tears. "I was just taking her tea. I'll ask her if she'll see you."

Nanoha gently restrained her with a hand on her arm.

"No you won't. This time it isn't up to her. I intend to talk to her."

"Then you'd better prepare yourself she's ill."

Something in the way Lindy looked told more than her words. Icy fear gripped Nanoha's heart.

"Tell me."

Lindy's voice trembled as she recounted the events of the last few terrifying weeks.

"She came down with pneumonia six weeks ago, I think. For some reason the doctors couldn't explain to me, she didn't respond the way they expected to the medicines. _They_ said there was something wrong with her resistance but - "

"What do _you_ think?" Nanoha asked, her throat painfully tight.

Lindy looked at Nanoha sadly, then replied,

"I think she didn't care if she got well. I've seen Fate through what I thought were the worst times of her life, and I've never seen her like this."

"Why are you here? Why did you leave Testarossa Manor?" Nanoha asked, fighting her panic, struggling to understand what was happening.

Lindy tried not to sound harsh, but her fear outweighed her concern for Nanoha's feelings.

"I _told_ you what would happen if you left her! She wouldn't stay there a day after you moved out. Ordered a car, told me to close the house, and left for Philadelphia that night. She's been alone with her piano day and night, worse than I've ever seen her. One final work, she said - and she's been at it frantically for months. No wonder the doctor's couldn't help! I know what's she's doing! When this is done, she means to leave us!" Lindy broke into quiet sobs.

"Oh Jesus," Nanoha whispered, her eyes closed tightly against the thought. "Why didn't you call me? You must have known I would come!"

"I almost did, especially those few days when she was so ill it looked like we might lose her"

"Oh, god," Nanoha groaned. _Please don't let this be happening_!

"But she made me promise that I wouldn't. She didn't want your pity, she said."

"My god, she's a fool but no more so than I," Nanoha said harshly. "I called her a coward, but it was I who was the coward. I _knew_ what she had been through. I _knew _about Shari! Eventually she would have accepted that I loved her, if only I had stayed!"

"It wasn't your love she doubted," Lindy corrected gently.

"Then what?" Nanoha cried in frustration.

"She was afraid of _her_ love for you - afraid it would be too much. She never believed that you would stay."

"And I left her, didn't I?" Nanoha said bitterly. "This is madness - I have to make her hear me, Lindy. I love her so much!"

"Just don't let her send you away," Lindy said firmly, beginning to hope for the first time in months. "She'll try to, you know."

Nanoha shook her head grimly. "I won't leave if there's any part of her that loves me - no matter what she says."

Lindy smiled, "Then I needn't worry. Just go to her, my dear girl."

* * *

Fate stood at the rear of the open gazebo, her back to the entrance. Nanoha paused at the threshold, paralyzed with the reality of seeing her again. She appeared even thinner; Nanoha could see that she had lost weight. Each tendon in the fine hand that rested on the rail stood out in stark contrast to the overlying skin, stretched to near translucency. Even from a distance Nanoha saw the tremor in the delicate fingers. She wanted so much to hold her, but she held back. They must talk.

"Thank you, Lindy just leave it, please," Fate said in a low voice. After a moment she tilted her head, listening, "Lindy?"

"Hello, darling," Nanoha called softly, her voice catching in her throat.

Fate swayed slightly and the hand that clutched the railing turned white.

"Nanoha?" she whispered in disbelief. Abruptly she turned, her dark eyes searching for a figure she would never see, "Nanoha?"

Nanoha gasped and took an uncertain step forward. Fate looked so ill! Her normally brilliant gaze was clouded with pain. Her face was gaunt and lined with fatigue. But even more frightening than the dark circles smudging her normally clear skin was her obvious physical weakness. She leaned heavily on her walking stick, and without it Nanoha was sure she would fall.

"Yes, it's me," she said, struggling to keep the fear from showing in her voice. "I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get here."

Fate straightened with difficulty. She would not have Nanoha here because of her weakness! With a semblance of her previous authority she demanded,

"Did Lindy send for you?"

"No, darling, she didn't. I came because I couldn't bear being separated from you any longer. I've missed you so much."

"I don't want your pity, Nanoha," Fate snapped, her tone harsh. "And I don't want you here because of my needs."

Sagging slightly despite her best efforts, she passed a trembling hand across her face. In a strained voice, she pleaded,

"I have little left but my pride, Nanoha. Please leave me that."

Nanoha crossed the distance between them to grasp Fate's shoulders in her hands.

"Not your needs, Fate_ mine_. I need you more than you'll ever know. I need your strength and your passion and your desire. And, oh god, I need your music!" She tightened her hold, fearing that Fate would somehow slip away. "My life is so barren without you! Please won't you let me come home?"

Fate bowed her head, eyes closed.

"Nanoha, I don't know if I can - I don't know if I dare."

This time Nanoha would not be denied - she would not give up.

"What can't you do, darling? Is it that you don't want me?"

Fate couldn't resist a fleeting caress against Nanoha's cheek. She had thought never to feel her again. She had tried so hard to deny what she knew to be true - that she loved her with the last beat of her heart. As her touch lingered, she remembered each moment of their last night together. Her breath caught painfully in her throat. Softly she said,

"Yes, I want you - more than life itself."

"Then what?"

Nanoha persisted, catching Fate's fingers, bestowing a fleeting kiss to her palm.

"Tell me why you won't let me love you."

Fate drew a shuddering breath, her eyes closed against the pain.

"I'm afraid that if I do, it will happen again. I am everything Shari accused me of being - possessive, demanding, consuming in my need – I'm afraid if I take you into my life, _all _of my life – I'll drive you away just as I did Shari. It would be worse than death if I lost you then, Nanoha."

The last words emerged as a strangled whisper, and the anguish in Fate's voice fueled Nanoha's anger. Shari had ruled Fate's life, even in her absence, for far too long! She would not rule her future, nor Nanoha's!

"I am _not_ Shari, Fate! I love you, and I will go on loving you whether you will have me or not. There is nothing you could do, short of not loving me that would ever make me leave you. I am not afraid of your needs, or your wants, or your passions. I want you! I want to spend my life with you loving you, being loved by you!" She stepped closer until her body pressed lightly against Fate's, forcing her to feel her passion. "Tell me you don't love me, Fate - tell me you don't want me - and I'll go."

"I can't," Fate groaned, trembling at Nanoha's nearness.

She hadn't been born strong enough to resist this torture!

"I have made my choice, Fate, and I choose you." Nanoha kissed her, a kiss too quickly ended. "You have to choose whether or not you want me. But choose for the right reasons! Choose out of love not out of fear!"

It was the kiss that undid her. It stirred every emotion she had tried to bury since the day Nanoha left her. She needed her, she wanted her, and she could not go on without her. She had no choice; Nanoha offered her life. With a moan deep in her throat, she surrendered. Her lips sought Nanoha's and were answered with an urgency that matched her own. They kissed fervently, their bodies fusing, swaying together as they reaffirmed their possession of one another. Nanoha felt herself begin to surge out of control, and leaned back unsteadily, her arms locked around Fate's waist, trying to reduce the shaking of her legs. Fate gasped against her neck, groaning in protest at her withdrawal.

"I want you so much," Fate murmured,

Insistent, one hand sliding under the loose fabric at Nanoha's waist. Her hand moved lower, seeking the hot welcoming wetness.

"Fate, wait!" Nanoha said with effort. "We can't do this here!"

"I don't intend to let you go," Fate growled, her lips seeking Nanoha's again.

"Does this mean you love me?" Nanoha teased gently, pressing both hands against Fate's chest, restraining her for a moment.

"Eternally, my love," Fate affirmed, pulling her close. "Eternally."

* * *

The room Fate led her to was dimly lit by a fire burning in a huge fireplace. A four posted canopy bed faced the hearth from the opposite side of the room. Two glasses and a chilled bottle of champagne stood on the bedside table. Fate stopped inside the door, suddenly uncertain, her face questioning. Nanoha smiled softly as her grip on Fate's hand tightened.

"I haven't changed my mind. I'll never change my mind about loving you," Nanoha whispered gently. "Don't make me wait to show you how much I love you, darling. It's been far too long already."

They undressed with urgent hands, caressing each other with the wonder of newly discovered love. It was Nanoha who drew them to the bed, guiding Fate down, resting upon her gently. She wanted her, the want like a fierce hunger in her soul. She ached with the urgency to touch her. Her body screamed for the release only those exquisite hands could give her. She left a pool of moisture on Fate's leg where it pressed to her. Her clitoris threatened to burst from the blood coursing into it. She resisted her demanding need, aware of Fate's physical fragility. She shook with the effort it required for her to hold back.

Fate pulled her nearer with surprising strength. "I need you, Nanoha - now," she whispered. "It's all I need. Please."

As gently as she knew how, Nanoha took her. Her lips caressed the hollow of Fate's neck and the rise of her breast, pausing to suckle a nipple, explore her navel. Her hands stroked firm muscles and trembling limbs, coming to rest gently in the moist warm sanctuary between her thighs. Tenderly she parted the full, silky folds, breathing her scent, stroking the length of her, tonguing softly the quivering clitoris. She was aware only of the heat of Fate's flesh beneath her lips, and the breathtaking wonder of her cries filling the air. After the long months of waiting, Nanoha didn't think she could ever touch her enough. She was amazed to feel her own body climb nearer and nearer toward orgasm with each thrust of Fate's hips against her face, each contraction of Fate's muscles around her fingers. Nanoha groaned as the spasms began at the base of her clitoris and traveled down her legs, into her belly, and finally coalesced into one continuous explosion behind her tightly closed eyes. When she came, Fate murmured her name, and Nanoha knew a joy beyond anything she had ever dreamed.

Long into the night they loved, stopping only to whisper their devotion, seeking and giving the reassurances they needed to heal. As morning broke, Fate pushed herself up on the pile of pillows at the head of the bed, exhausted but content. Nanoha lay curled around her, her head resting against Fate's shoulder.

"Will you pour us some champagne now, my love?"

Nanoha kissed her, loath to move away even for an instant.

"Of course, darling."

Fate sipped the fine wine and sighed.

"Are you sure that this is what you want? For a lifetime? I can be - difficult."

"Fate Testarossa! I would not have thought you capable of such understatement!" Nanoha laughed softly, tenderly caressing Fate's cheek. Serious again, she swept her lips across Fate's. "I want this and much, much more."

Fate raised an eyebrow, her face questioning.

"And exactly what are your requirements? Perhaps I should consider them before we proceed any further."

Again she laughed, rejoicing in the return of the light in Fate's eyes.

"First of all, I want to see you well again," Nanoha stated quietly.

Fate looked uncomfortable, turning her face away.

"It's nothing that having you here won't cure."

"Tell me about it, Fate. I'm with you now. Please let me help," Nanoha urged, pulling Fate close against her.

"After you left, I couldn't stay at Testarossa Manor. Nothing, not even losing my sight, was as devastating as losing you." Fate's voice was low and halting. Just recounting the desolation of those days was agonizing.

"Oh, my darling!" Nanoha cried, near tears. "I'm so sorry! Never, never did I mean to hurt you so!" Had she not come now, had Fate not recovered - "Oh god," she gasped involuntarily.

"Shh, my love. It's over now," Fate soothed, silencing Nanoha with a kiss. "All that matters is that you are here."

She didn't tell Nanoha of how close she had been to death, and how death had seemed like a welcome friend, offering her surcease from a loneliness she could no longer endure. But though her soul had longed for delivery, her body had rallied, and although weak, she was indeed recovering.

"I will never leave you, Fate you have my promise. Please, I want to go home, to Testarossa Manor. I want to live with you there, and I want to hear you play for me again. Please take me home!"

"I will my love," Fate murmured, her lips finding Nanoha's, finally daring to hope that love could be hers.

* * *

**A/N:** Oh my God! We are nearing the end and I'm missing them already hehehe… Thank you for all the "get well" messages, I still have a little fever but I'm gonna be fine soon... Two Chapters to go and we are done!... Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Twenty **

"They look good," Nanoha called as she pulled the Jeep along side Hayate and her crew.

She indicated the new shrubs the women were putting in beside the entrance at Testarossa Manor. Hayate leaned down to the window, smiling at her boss.

"They're great specimens! We should be done here soon. I thought we'd start the plantings on the rear terrace tomorrow. The photographers will be out on Friday to do the front gardens."

Nanoha raised a shoulder nonchalantly. "Whatever you decide."

Hayate grinned. "The view is better from the terrace, too. If you're watching women!"

Nanoha caught the mischievous glint in her eye, and replied smartly,

"You had better not be talking about Fate! And besides, I thought you were happily married."

Hayate laughed. "Completely domesticated - and even if I weren't I know better than to lust after Fate. She doesn't know there's another woman on earth besides you, and you'd have my hide just for the thought! I was talking about my new kid; Subaru got a bad case for Fate's assistant. She seems to find all kinds of excuses to wander by the music room when they're working."

Nanoha glanced at her watch it was almost five in the afternoon.

"Are Fate and Teana still at it? They were up most of the night! Fate promised me she'd get some rest!" she finished worriedly.

The memory of the long agonizing months alone in Boston still lingered. Fate's recent illness left her terrified that something would take Fate from her.

Hayate saw the fear flicker across Nanoha's face, and remembered how frail Fate had seemed not long ago. She reflected on the change six months had brought.

"Nanoha," she said softly, "Fate looks great. I've never seen her like she is now. She's strong and healthy. And the music that comes out of that room! I have to practically drag my crew from the terrace."

Nanoha forced herself to relax, knowing what Hayate said was true.

"It's helped Fate to have Teana here she's transcribing Fate's new work and cataloging her unpublished pieces. It's just that the two of them can get lost when they're working. Teana's almost as bad as Fate!"

"She's writing her graduate thesis on Fate's compositions, right?"

"Yes actually, she's a student-in-residence with Fate for the rest of the year."

Nanoha could scarcely believe it when Fate had asked her to contact the graduate student who had written so many times requesting an interview. Teana had been with them for two months and had quickly become devoted to Fate. Her assistance was invaluable to Fate, and it soon became apparent that she had an innate sense of Fate's other needs as well. She dealt with Fate's blindness in an understated way that did not impinge on Fate's need for independence. Nanoha trusted her with her most valuable possession - her lover's well-being.

"Well a year ought to give Subaru enough time to win her heart"

Nanoha laughed. "You have a one-track mind."

"Oh, and you don't?" Hayate rejoined.

Nanoha blushed, recalling the urge she had had on the drive home to feel Fate's hands on her body. Even now she couldn't believe the turn her life had taken. She hadn't imagined she could be this happy. She put the Jeep in gear and pulled away smiling.

* * *

She tapped lightly at the door to the music room it stood open and as she listened, she knew it was Fate playing without looking. Fate said that Teana was a very gifted musician, but Nanoha never confused the two. When Fate played, the combination of grace and power was unmistakable it was her signature, a complete reflection of her self. Nanoha knew the cadence and the rhythm of her music with the same certainty as she knew the sound of her voice, or her caress.

She entered and watched from across the room. Fate was in motion, the notes flowing from her hands, her essence transformed into sound. It still took Nanoha's breath away and often kindled desire so intense that she shook.

She cleared her throat as the refrain ended and called,

"Hey, you two are you ready to take a break any time soon?"

Fate swiveled toward her, smiling a greeting.

"You're home early, aren't you, love?"

She looked fresh and energized, a sure sign that her work was going well. She clearly had no idea of the time, and Nanoha was willing to bet they hadn't stopped for lunch. Nanoha cast a stern glance at Teana, who shrugged her shoulders sheepishly as she escaped toward the door.

"You're both impossible," Nanoha muttered.

She crossed the room to Fate, draping her arms around her from behind, breathing a kiss into her hair. Fate reached up to cover Nanoha's hands where they lay on her chest. She turned Nanoha's palm up, pressing her lips to the soft skin before resting her cheek in the curve of Nanoha's hand. She sighed contentedly.

"I'm glad you're home," she murmured.

"Are you all right?" Nanoha whispered, tightening her hold on the woman who meant more to her than her very life.

"Fine," Fate replied. "But I have news."

"What?"

Fate hesitated, her fingers caressing Nanoha's, the expression on her face contemplative.

"I have agreed to give a performance for the symphony in July."

Nanoha gasped. "Oh darling, that's wonderful!"

It was more than she had ever imagined possible.

"You don't mind?" Fate asked in a subdued tone. "It won't be a problem?"

Nanoha slid onto the piano bench beside Fate, slipping an arm about her waist.

"What makes you think I would mind?" she asked quietly.

"It will mean I'll be working more and when I'm preparing for a performance, I tend to get absorbed."

Nanoha thought she understood what Fate wasn't saying.

"And you think I'll come to resent that?"

"Perhaps."

"Fate," Nanoha began carefully, "I know what you're like when you work, and sometimes I do worry but not about us, - about you. You forget to eat, you forget to sleep, you lose weight you don't have to spare. I have never felt, not once, that I didn't matter to you or that you had stopped loving me, even for a moment."

"I couldn't stop loving you, not and still draw a breath," Fate whispered, her fingers tightening their grip on Nanoha's. "You are my light, and my heart. You are the reason there is music in my soul."

"As long as that is true, well be fine," Nanoha assured her. "But you must promise me that you will take care of yourself. I need you so much, Fate. Without you there's no point - "

Fate stilled her words with a kiss. "I promise, my love."

There was something else. Nanoha could sense it in the tension of Fate's body, the quiet tone of her voice. Something worried her lover still.

"Now tell me the rest," she ordered gently, fitting herself closer against Fate's side.

"If I perform," Fate began uncertainly, then finished firmly, "I've been here before, Nanoha. There's no point pretending it won't create an uproar. Once I make an appearance, the demands for my time will intensify. There will be pressure for me to tour."

Nanoha took her time, thinking of the ramifications of Fate's words. She welcomed the changes in Fate over the last months. Fate was suffused with energy, her creative powers seemingly unleashed by the security of Nanoha's presence. She was vital, dynamic, almost intoxicating in her passionate embrace of life. Her ardor for Nanoha, her muse, was boundless. Nanoha hadn't imagined she could be this happy. Now she was faced with the reality of Fate's true stature in the world. She was a peerless artist, one whom the world would not let go lightly yet again. If she returned to the concert stage, she would be resuming the life she had led before Nanoha. What Nanoha said now would determine the course of both their lives. Fate took her silence to mean Nanoha was opposed to the idea.

"It's no matter," Fate said decisively. "I'll simply tell them no."

"You can't do that, Fate. And I wouldn't ask you to," Nanoha began quietly. "I love you - and I have always known who you are - what you are. You don't belong just to me - "

"I _do_ belong just to you," Fate interrupted fiercely.

Nanoha laughed gently, resting her hand possessively on Fate's thigh.

"I know _that_, my darling. I was speaking of your music. I wouldn't keep you from it, and you can't keep it from the world – you'll have to tour, Fate."

Fate stood, pacing by the piano, formulating plans. Nanoha realized that other than her blindness, Fate was very nearly the woman she had been before her accident. When she stepped onto the stage, her return would be complete. She was about to reclaim the world she once ruled, and Nanoha could see that it was destined. Fate was transformed before her eyes into the impresario she had only glimpsed in faded newspaper clippings. It was breathtaking, and a little terrifying.

Fate ran a hand through her hair, thinking aloud.

"Teana would almost certainly want to come. That would be a great help. I can limit foreign travel- but it's still going to be unbearable being apart from you - "

Nanoha rose, stilling Fate's restless motion with a hand on her arm. She grasped her about the waist, holding her firmly.

"You can't think I'd let you go without me? Not only would I go mad with worry, I have no intention of leaving you unattended with all those glamorous society women! You seem to have no idea of the effect you have on women, but I certainly do!"

Fate looked at her in confusion.

"You can't think I could ever want anyone but you? Don't you know you are my life?"

"I'm not taking any chances," Nanoha uttered as she kissed her swiftly.

"But your job?"

"I'll try to work something out with Arisa when the time comes - maybe I can freelance for her. Work part time - I don't know. I don't care. Where you need to be is where I'll be. You're what I need."

Fate pulled her near, admitting in a low voice,

"I'm not worried about the music – that's never been the hard part. But the people - the promoters, the agents, the press - they want so much from me. It's hard to keep from being consumed. I'm not sure I could do it again- especially now, when I can't see."

It was so unlike Fate to voice any concern, particularly regarding her blindness, Nanoha was instantly protective. She tightened her hold, her voice unflinching.

"You won't have to worry; you're not alone any more."

The tension finally eased from Fate's body as she gentled under Nanoha's caresses. She kissed Nanoha lingeringly, before murmuring quietly,

"Thank you for my life, Nanoha."

Nanoha grasped the slender fingers that made magic the entire world laid claim to. She drew them to her breast, where they played only for her.

"Thank me upstairs," she whispered urgently.

Fate lowered her lips to Nanoha's ear as she stroked her tauntingly.

"A command performance - my favorite thing."

"It had better be," Nanoha gasped. "And I can't wait any longer for you to begin."

Fate's laughter echoed through the halls as she led her love to their bed.

* * *

**A/N:** _"Thank you for my life, Nanoha"_ this line really mirrors the real MSLN universe, especially in our fanfiction world hahaha… 1 chapter left guys!... Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer:** Love's Melody Lost is a copy of a story with the same title by Radclyffe and only some minor things and the character names have been changed along with minor characteristics to fit MSLN characters. This is an adaptation of the book and I do not own the plot or the characters of Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

* * *

**Love's Melody Lost**

**Chapter Twenty-one**

"What time will the car be here, dear?" Lindy asked anxiously for the third time since Nanoha had arrived home early from work.

"Five-thirty." Nanoha replied with a smile.

"My goodness, its one o'clock! I'd better get ready!"

"You have plenty of time you'll end up waiting," Nanoha suggested as if it would make a difference.

"I've been waiting nearly fifteen years for this a few hours is nothing! I still think we should take the Bentley. Fate always went to a performance in the Bentley!"

"I know, Lindy," Nanoha said patiently. "But Fate wanted it this way."

"Well, I guess it will be all right then," Lindy relented. Then she continued with concern, "You did interview the chauffeur?"

Nanoha laughed. "I did, and it's a woman. She understands exactly what we need. It will be perfect."

"And you double checked that the invitations went out for the reception? I could have done that, you know. I always did that before."

"I know," Nanoha replied gently, "and I would have been lost without your help this time. I know they arrived, because Arisa got hers. It was more important that you look after Fate."

Nanoha was nearly as anxious as Lindy, and she desperately needed to see Fate.

"Now, where is she?"

"She's upstairs in the master suite. Vice brought your gown and her suit. I had them sent up."

"Good. How does she seem?"

"Calm. She slept late, she didn't even practice. She rarely did the day of a performance. The barber has come and gone. Oh, I do hope it goes well! This is so important to her!"

"Lindy," Nanoha reminded her with conviction, "this is what Fate was born for. Don't worry, she'll be magnificent."

"You believe that, don't you?"

"Absolutely. I know it."

"I give thanks every day that you came to us," Lindy whispered, tears in her eyes.

Nanoha hugged her. "No more than I."

* * *

She entered their bedroom to find her lover reclining in one of the chairs before the open window. She was in a black silk dressing jacket, looking impossibly relaxed. And impossibly beautiful. In repose, her features always reminded Nanoha of a classical sculpture cool, remote, elegantly refined. It was the same handsome face that looked back at her from the posters all over the city announcing Fate's concert that night. Nanoha admired her from a distance before Fate's expression softened with recognition at the sound of her step on the parquet floor.

"Hello, my love," Fate called softly.

"Hello, darling. What were you just thinking of?"

Fate looked surprised. "The music."

Nanoha settled onto the arm of Fate's chair, resting her fingers in the thick hair at the base of Fate's neck. She leaned to give her a swift kiss.

"I should have guessed."

"Why?" Fate asked, pulling Nanoha down into her lap.

"Because you looked like you were lost somewhere, somewhere no one can follow."

"Does that bother you?" Fate murmured as her lips sought the sensitive spot beneath Nanoha's ear.

"It might," Nanoha breathed as she turned her lips to Fate's.

The kiss deepened, and soon they were both gasping. Nanoha's head felt light and her body burned.

"If I couldn't call you back to me," she said, her voice husky with desire.

Fate got to her feet, pulling Nanoha up into her arms.

"You can always call me back," she whispered against the warm skin of Nanoha's neck. "Because I am yours."

With one hand she held Nanoha close, with the other she parted the front of Nanoha's blouse, slipping her hand inside to cup her breast.

Nanoha groaned, feeling the length of Fate's naked thigh pressing against her.

"Fate, stop we can't - you need to get ready."

She gasped as Fate's hand dropped lower, finding her rising heat.

"Oh no – that's not fair! You make me want you so much!"

Fate laughed, pulling Nanoha toward the bed.

"Don't you know I've been waiting all morning for this? You are the only thing I need right now.

* * *

"Is that some sort of pre-performance ritual?" Nanoha asked as she toweled off from the shower.

Fate's lovemaking was always a reflection of her emotional state, and this time she had been explosively intense, consuming in her hunger.

Fate grinned. "Now there's an idea. It certainly could be arranged."

"It did wonders for my nerves," Nanoha said with a smile. "How are yours?"

Fate held out a perfectly steady hand as her grin deepened. "Where are the studs for my shirt?"

"On your dresser just to the right of your brushes."

Nanoha watched the graceful fingers expertly fit the small mother-of-pearl studs through the holes in the starched formal shirt the same fingers that just an hour ago had claimed her, relentlessly, until they had drawn the last trembling shudders from her body.

"You're watching me," Fate remarked, reaching for the white silk tie.

She turned the length of it in her fingers, orienting it so she could tie it. Nanoha laughed softly, drawing the delicate fabric into her hands, reaching up to fit it around her lover's neck.

"Was I doing that wrong?" Fate asked, her face puzzled.

"You never do anything wrong," Nanoha admonished gently. "I'm doing it because it pleases me to do it." She finished the knot and brushed a kiss across Fate's lips. "I love you and I'm so proud of you."

Fate returned the kiss, her expression serious.

"I love you with all my heart. Now, tell me about your dress. I want to have a picture of you in my mind tonight."

Nanoha stepped away, lifting the flowing fabric from the hanger, settling it over her body.

"Why don't you come see for yourself," she teased.

A faint smile flickered at the corner of Fate's fine mouth. No one in her life could command her the way Nanoha did.

"All right."

She crossed to Nanoha, who stood still as Fate gently traced the material that fell from her shoulders, following the lines along her bodice and down to her waist. Her exploring touch rekindled the fire in Nanoha's body, and Nanoha battled the urge to draw those gently stroking fingers to her again. They absolutely did not have time for this now!

"And the color?" Fate murmured huskily, her hands resting on Nanoha's hips.

"Midnight on a clear night in October," Nanoha managed, sliding her arms around Fate's neck.

Fate nodded, holding her close. "Beautiful."

Nanoha touched a finger to her own lips, then to Fate's. "Thank you.

* * *

They rode in silence to the symphony hall. Nanoha's hand rested gently in Fate's. Fate's hand was warm and steady. As they slowed to glide up to the curb, Nanoha glanced out the window.

"Tell me," Fate said calmly.

"There are a lot of people quite a number of photographers. The sidewalk is roped off, though."

"How far?" came the quiet question.

"The same distance as from our front door to your music room. Four steps up then five steps to the door. Teana is waiting back stage in your dressing room."

Fate didn't ask how Nanoha knew the precise distance Fate would have to travel in front of a curious crowd, a walk she had taken so many times before, but never in darkness. Nanoha didn't tell her she had been there the day before just to be certain. Nanoha couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult this first public appearance since the accident must be for Fate. She wanted to make it as easy as she could for her. She squeezed Fate's hand reassuringly.

"Thank you," Fate said softly, knowing instinctively what Nanoha had done.

"You can do this easily by yourself, Fate."

"Yes," Fate said as she pushed the limo door open, stepping out to a barrage of camera flashes and a cacophony of voices calling to her

"Ms. Testarossa! Meistrin! Over here!"

Oblivious to the demands of the crowd, she reached down and handed Nanoha from the car, tucking Nanoha's hand firmly into the curve of her arm.

"But I don't have to do it alone any longer, do I?" she whispered to Nanoha as they turned and began the walk Fate was born to make.

* * *

The concert hall was filled to capacity. The news of Fate's return to the concert stage had created a stir in the music world, and her performance was eagerly awaited. Nanoha sat with Lindy, trying to quell her nerves. They were in the VIP box to the left of the stage, seats that were situated so one could watch the pianist's hands on the keyboard. Shortly after they were seated a young usher approached, a bouquet of long-stemmed white roses in his arms. He stopped before Nanoha, saying,

"For you, madam."

Nanoha cradled the flowers, opening the card with trembling hands. In Fate's bold hand the message read,

_"You are my strength and my inspiration._

_You are my heart._

_All the music is for you._

_Yours eternally, Fate."_

"Oh, Fate," she murmured, tears suddenly wetting her cheeks.

"Are you all right, dear?" Lindy asked in concern.

Nanoha took her hand, squeezing it gently while she tried to contain her tears.

"When I think that I could have lost her - that we all might have lost her. Oh, Lindy!"

Lindy patted her hand reassuringly.

"You needn't worry, Nanoha. She's stronger for having you than ever she was before the accident."

The house lights dimmed and suddenly Fate was on stage - tall, elegant, perfectly composed. She bowed once in acknowledgement to the orchestra and the audience, then settled herself before the piano as if she had never been away.

Nanoha watched the slender form bend to the strains of the music that filled the hall; a refrain that carried all the beauty and tender passion of Fate's heart to those who listened. At last she witnessed what she had only imagined from faded images in a dusty scrapbook. Alone in the muted spotlight, center stage, the impresario gifted them with her genius. The audience was on its feet just as the last notes faded away, strewing the stage with flowers, welcoming Fate home. Fate stood to acknowledge the applause, turning toward the seats where she knew Nanoha sat. She bowed first to her, one hand to her heart, offering her thanks. Through her tears, Nanoha looked into the burgundy eyes that she knew could see into her very soul.

When finally the ovation began to abate, Fate left the stage, and found herself immediately surrounded by people requesting a statement or an interview. A hand unobtrusively took her elbow, steadying her in the jostling crowd.

"Let's get back to your dressing room," Teana suggested.

She had been waiting offstage at Nanoha's request. They both knew what would happen the moment Fate appeared in the wings. There would be no way for her to orient herself there, especially when she would be exhausted from the rigors of her performance.

"Where is Nanoha?" Fate asked immediately, grateful for Teana's presence in the demanding press of people.

"She's coming," Teana replied grimly as she shouldered a path through a throng of reporters and fans.

The crowd was at a fever pitch of excitement, everyone wanting to get to Fate, pushing forward despite the security peoples best efforts. It was worse than Teana expected, and she was beginning to fear for Fate's safety. Suddenly the hallway in front of them began to clear as Nanoha's vehement voice rang out,

"You will all have a chance to speak with her at the reception - and not _until_ then! Now if you'll just give us a moment alone, please."

And then she was there.

"Thank you, Teana," Nanoha said quietly as she stepped up to Fate, not caring that dozens of people surrounded them.

She reached for Fate's hand and brought it gently to her lips.

"Hello darling."

Fate lifted her free hand to Nanoha's cheek. It was still moist with tears.

"Hello my love."

She drew Nanoha gently near and rested her forehead against Nanoha's hair. She closed her eyes with a sigh.

"Were you pleased?" Fate asked at last.

"Much more than pleased," Nanoha answered. "The only thing in this world I love more than your music is you."

She stepped back with effort, for all she wanted to do was hold onto her. Fate's jacket and shirt were soaked with sweat, and for the first time all day, her hands trembled. Nanoha slipped an arm about her waist.

"Let's get you out of here," Nanoha said, looking over her shoulder at the amazingly quiet group in the corridor. "Teana, tell them ten minutes please."

When the door finally closed behind them, Nanoha drew off Fate's coat and loosened her tie.

"You needn't do that, Nanoha," Fate protested when Nanoha began pulling the studs from her shirt.

"Fate, hush," Nanoha said in exasperation. "I'll give you up to the demands of your music when I must, but not for one minute longer. You need a dry shirt and jacket if you're going to the reception."

She brushed the damp hair back from Fate's face with concern.

"Are you up to it? Because I'll just tell them all to be damned if you're too tired."

Fate grasped her hands. "I'm fine. And I would appreciate a dry shirt very much."

"Thank you for the flowers," Nanoha said softly as she fitted the diamond cufflinks into Fate's sleeves. "You make me feel so loved."

"I couldn't do this - any of this, without you," Fate murmured, exhausted from her performance. "I'll never be able to tell you how much I love you - "

"You don't have to tell me," Nanoha whispered, "I can see it in your face, and in the way you touch me, and in the music that you write."

She paused her ministrations to slide her fingers into Fate's hair, pulling her head down for a kiss. After a moment she said gently,

"Now stand still so I can fix this tie."

As Nanoha straightened her tie, Fate asked quietly,

"Will you be all right in there? There are likely to be questions - about us. There was always speculation about Shari."

"If they don't know after my little scene in the hall, they never will," Nanoha laughed tightly.

She hated to be reminded that once Shari had shared moments like these with Fate. She still grew angry whenever she remembered the kiss she had witnessed in the library.

"And I couldn't give a damn about their questions. There - now you are your handsome self. Let's go finish your duties so I can take you home."

* * *

Arisa maneuvered through the crush of people toward Nanoha. She had been trying unsuccessfully to catch Nanoha's attention since she entered with Fate. Arisa soon realized that would be impossible. Even though Nanoha was separated from Fate by a roomful of people, she managed to carry on polite conversation while never taking her eyes off her tall lover. Arisa knew how frightened Nanoha had been by Fate's recent illness, and she doubted that anything would distract her from her ever vigilant watch over her now. The instant Fate arrived; she was surrounded and swept away by luminaries from the music community and the ever-present press. In a throng like this she was quite helpless to fend off anyone who wanted her attention. Fate looked calm and remotely detached, but Arisa could imagine the effort it required for her to satisfy the escalating demands of those gathered about her. And she was quite sure that Nanoha had no intention of allowing Fate to be inundated like this for long.

"Thanks for the invitation to the reception," Arisa managed when at last she reached Nanoha's side. She slipped her arm around the pretty purple-head at her side. "Nanoha, this is Suzuka Tsukimura. Suzuka is a music instructor at UMass, as well as - well, my - "

"Girlfriend," Suzuka finished for her with a kilowatt smile.

Nanoha smiled with true pleasure, offering her hand.

"It sounds trite to say I've heard a lot about you, but I'm glad to have finally met you."

"And I you," Suzuka responded. "I guess I don't need to tell you how exciting this is, to have Fate Testarossa performing again. She's wonderful!"

"Isn't she," Nanoha responded, her eyes returning to where Fate stood.

At that moment she was in deep conversation with the governor, who appeared to be as enchanted with her as everyone else in the room.

"Even I can say that without prejudice," she laughed softly. "I'm so glad you both could come. Arisa has had to excuse my distractibility a good deal lately. I've been more anxious than Fate!"

"It sounds like you didn't need to be! From what I'm hearing around the room, she's even better than before! I don't know how that's possible, but I've never heard anyone like her."

"Yes," Nanoha said simply. "And I think she's probably worked enough for one night. Will you excuse me while I attempt a rescue?"

Before she could move away, a reporter blocked her path.

"Ms. Takamachi, is it true that you are Fate Testarossa's lover?" he asked bluntly.

Nanoha appraised him coolly, leaning forward slightly to read the name on the press card pinned to his lapel.

"Mr. Grangeitz," she replied calmly, "Fate Testarossa is inarguably one of the greatest artists of this century. I would think that fact alone would offer much more of interest to your readers than speculation about her personal life."

"Am I to take it then that you deny any intimate relationship with her?" he persisted, a smug grin on his face.

"There is nothing about my relationship with Fate I would deny," Nanoha answered firmly, "least of all my love."

"And is it also true that Shario Finieno – Lowran was once her lover as well?"

Nanoha fixed him with a steely stare.

"You would have to ask Mrs. Finieno – Lowran about their _past_ relationship."

She pointedly turned her back, determined not to reveal her wrath at the mention of Shari. Would she never be done hearing of her?! As Nanoha made her way slowly across the large room, Fate was approached by yet another admirer. From where she was, Nanoha could only watch, anger combining with an unexpected surge of possessiveness.

"Hello, darling," a sultry voice beside Fate murmured as a hand trailed down her arm in a flagrant caress.

Fate turned to the woman beside her, lifting the hand from her sleeve with a slight bow.

"Hello, Shari," Fate said neutrally.

"You were magnificent, as usual!" Shari purred,

Stepping close enough for Fate to catch the scent of her perfume. Her breasts lightly grazed Fate's chest.

"Thank you," Fate replied, raising her head, casting a glance about the room.

Her eyes fell so unerringly on her lover in the midst of the crowd; anyone looking at her would have sworn that she could see. Fate relaxed perceptibly when she sensed an answering gaze upon her face.

"Why so formal, darling," Shari admonished,

Taking advantage of the crush of people to move closer still. She toyed with a stud on the front of Fate's shirt.

"As I recall, you used to rather like my presence after a performance. As a matter of fact you were quite demanding about your _requirements_. I remember you could barely wait to get me alone. Not that I minded of course. You were always at your best after a concert." As she spoke, she curled her fingers ever so slightly under the waistband of Fate's trousers.

"That was a long time ago," Nanoha said succinctly as she stepped to Fate's side, taking Fate's hand in hers, forcing Shari back a step. Fate laced her fingers gently through Nanoha's.

"Things are very different for Fate now," Nanoha continued, furious at Shari's suggestive remarks, but struggling for calm.

This was no place for a scene, as dearly as she would like to make it clear that Shari had no rights to Fate any longer.

"But some things never change, do they Fate?" Shari questioned softly, her eyes on Fate's face, ignoring Nanoha entirely.

Necessity had made her bold. If she were to reclaim Fate, it would have to be here, now, on the stage _she_ had always shared with Fate.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten what it was like, darling -adored by everyone, - the celebrity, the excitement, the lovemaking – don't expect me to believe you've forgotten _that_! I haven't forgotten, I could never forget! We could have it all again, Fate - just as it was, the two of us. You could have everything you ever wanted."

Fate tightened her hold on Nanoha, drawing her close against her side.

"I already have everything I want - more than I ever dreamed possible. More than I deserve. What we had is over Shari. I have everything I need right here. Now, if you'll excuse us, I'd like Nanoha to take me home."

"I had the limo brought around back," Nanoha said as Shari stared after them in shock. "Just turn around and we can sneak out."

When they were settled at last in the expansive rear seat of the stretch limo, Lindy happily directing the chauffeur from her seat up front beyond the smoked-glass partition,

Fate spoke quietly. "I'm terribly sorry about Shari. I had no idea she would be there."

"I doubt there's any event where Shario Finieno – Lowran is not invited," Nanoha said acerbically, reminding herself of her resolution to remain calm. She failed. "God, I _hate_ the way she touches you! She acts like she owns you!"

"Well, she doesn't. And she hasn't for a long time," Fate responded gently.

"Well I wish someone would tell _her_ that!" Nanoha railed.

Fate raised an eyebrow. "I thought _I_ just did," she said dryly.

Nanoha stared at her imperious lover, struggling to hold onto her anger. Helplessly, she laughed, moving closer to drape an arm around Fate's body.

"Yes, you did."

In a calmer light she knew she would only pity Shari and her desperate attempt to renew her affair with Fate, but at the moment she was still stinging from the sight of Shari openly caressing _her_ lover! She was a good deal less than rational where Fate was concerned, and not above making her claim very clear. She slipped a hand along the inside of Fate's thigh, smiling as Fate gasped at the light caress.

"Was she serious about the effect a performance has on you?" she asked innocently, very aware of the tension in Fate's body.

"Yes," Fate said tightly as Nanoha's hand strayed higher.

It would be useless to deny it; Nanoha could read her responses too well. She pressed back against the seat, torn between wanting Nanoha's touch to continue and trying to save some semblance of control.

"Now _that's_ something you might have mentioned," Nanoha remarked as her fingers pressed a particularly sensitive spot, rubbing the faint prominence through the fabric. Her pulse hammered as she felt Fate shudder.

"Nanoha," Fate warned unconvincingly, struggling to maintain her composure. They were in a limousine, for Gods sake!

"Definitely an unexpected benefit," Nanoha mused as if Fate hadn't spoken.

She tormented her by touching her with no particular rhythm, moving away when she felt Fate's breath quicken. She wanted to be sure she had Fate's full attention.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Nanoha inquired as if asking the time, returning to the spot that caused Fate to quiver.

Fate groaned softly.

"It wasn't foremost in my mind," she managed to gasp, completely under Nanoha's spell.

She reached for Nanoha's hand, holding it to her, urging her to continue.

"Ahh - god - "

"Is it now?" Nanoha questioned, increasing the pressure of her hand slightly.

Fate moaned, a low strangled plea. Nanoha knew just how close Fate was to coming - she knew, and she pushed a little harder, grasping her between her fingers. Fate shivered involuntarily, trembling in Nanoha's embrace.

"Yes," she whispered, "please don't stop."

"Oh, I don't intend to stop," Nanoha breathed into her ear, easing her fingers away slightly, "not ever. But since I'm conducting this particular piece, you'll have to wait until we get home for the finale."

"Ah Jesus," Fate rasped, her voice catching. "Is that a promise? Because you're killing me."

Nanoha held Fate fiercely, her lips urgent against her skin.

"As I am yours, so are you mine. That's a pledge, and a promise, _my_ darling."

_**The End**_

* * *

**A/N:** I would like to say **"Thank You"** to everyone for being with me through this story… Your comments and messages had been a great help and had made me really happy… Even though this story isn't mine, seeing you like it the same way I did really made me smile… Feel free to leave some comments or suggestions. Thank you... :)


End file.
